ctrain534's blog: "My Writing"

Im a casual footstep laying at your feet- your a little girl in the sun- who just cant take the heat. Serves me right- laying on this sofa- wasnt expecting changes- just because i was turning pages. Damn thats a great picture- but id never tell u that- your a security blanket- and when u need security you fake it. Im a drifter that was coming your way- im a red light on this sidewalk cuz im on from time to time. Im a football man in resting- and an attitude when questing. Your a dramtic figure with your perfect figure- standing in the mirror. Im a class act with parents- because i know it matters- your a smartass when questioned even if you deserve it Your a pretty face for happy- and a sad eye for gloom,....your the one thing stuck inside me- when im stuck inside a room. Im a laugher on stage and even on the regular- your a passinate soul that deserves to fly- and so am i Your a winner in anything you do- all i have to do is ask you- Im a man taking leaps of fate,- chasing stars and satisfaction- with no time to wait. Im a dreamer, praying for a prayer- your a loving hand thats never really there there. Id say i was the last train home- just so youd come with me- yet thered be 50 more to go. Your a smile from a distance- that tends to miss us. Im a eye glance away- that attention you pretend not to pay. You a foot step ahead- as we both make sure to not turn our heads. Im an observer going somewhere- yet your right here. Your a just like me questioning your life- wondering if its right Im a hopeful wonderer checking on the senior citizens- your on your last nerve when you see a girl talkin to me Im gifted espeically in ur presence- does that make since? Im cowboy passing through and staying for a little in this town- your a beauty thats been created in this place and you want your crown. Im a im missing you- like i know you miss me too.....

Along I stumble....chasing this faith....the one that God says: Prove you can wait. As I walk up to your party of two.....May I have this dance I ask as I extend my hand to your part of the table.....Should say no....But your unable. Rising up,...you are lifted by clouds that this makes you feel all around...everyone looking disrespectfully...but each other are the only thing each other surround. Take your hand,...and lead you away,...from where security felt closest....but compassion was at its lowest. Through the hateful looks,...we walk....nothin has to be said,....we let our hearts talk. And all the disception,....that was put from one another into our directions....was being forgotten,...with true affection.... Could I ever have been more right....for not giving up on you that night... To your face I take glance...you watching mine the whole passage walk through....My eyes talk to yours for that moment...."yes im everything for you" Afraid was never mentioned...together we were in a perfect demision. Too strong,..to break...but real feelings are never fake. Challenging one anothers steps to the door....this pressing smooth motion we conduct- no one can ignore as perfection walks on the same floor. Coming to our last transition....coming to the end of the mission.... I throw open the swinging door....its raining hard....in my suit and tie....im drenched in one step,...that is taken into the flooding wet. You in your dress,...that was fit for the occasion,...on the inside of the swinging doors generation. ANd some how you followed....and somehow we kept this flow. With streaming lights... under night city skies.....where the passion cant lie. I take you into me... It was already much to hard to breath....but we tested what was inside ourselves- yes what was underneath. And I kissed you in that rain- with water droplets,....dripping our names. Not knowing a thing around us.....just knowing us. Regret would never be found....,..as our souls knew only one connected sound.... Creating mirrors- for the other in our eyes,...as we hold on dearer. Take you down the flooded sidewalk,....having you lifted above the ground....so your high heels dont drown. And every step foreward is a step I knew well....as it concludes...we broke out of it,...out of our shells....

This one is for you pal. You know who you are. And I feel where your feelings are at. Be strong, Cuz ive been there, and kinda still am. Listen to this for guidence. As we bounce on the same wave length...you say you are over it,...But you know I see underneath. And broken trust...ive been there...its alright to cuss. When you walk by her, its ok to look out the corner of your eye.....but hold tight bro,..cant let her see you cry. Stand up straight...understand God has a plan,..and fate is fate. Ill be right by your side,...even though it dont mean much cuz it might feel like part of you has died. You have to make yourself better...even though its raining on you- play like its good weather. Put down the bottle that represents drunkness,...your better than that,...throw it saying forget this. And i cant tell you things get to where one day they are great.,..im not totally standing on that stage yet,..im sometimes still battling out of a net. Find in you something that makes you proud,...and be humble,... by letting others speak good things of you outloud. She will hear the voices sorrounding,...and will find it to be cloudy,... And i measure you to be a good man,...and dont worry ive been working hard,.. im strong enough to pull you out of the quick sand. You cant go to places the two of you have went....it makes it harder,...even if it was time well spent. Nights will be hard,...it will makes you stronger, although cant tell you if it makes your heart last longer. For now find an escape...not another mate,..but maybe just another to date. Be couragous,... and pray this... God,...I have the two feet you did onto me,...and im willing to be the great person you created me to be.. My heart might be broke,...and with pain it might continue to soak...but play me a beautiful tune,,sing me an inspritational note. Let me take this all out,...what has been consumed....what makes me feel doomed,...and give me a ticket to walk with love on the moon. Let this find a way home,..this trouble....then call me out to be by you,...ill march on the double. Dry these eyes,...for my heart has a hole....but hear me,...I wanna be holly. For I do not wish burdens,...on the one who pushed this onto me,...save me from drowning in this sea,...that sighs sadness and plea.

One day we shall cross paths,...and i will meet you again. And i think some feelings never change,...maybe the way you wanna feel them changes,...but those are phases. I imagion i will look at you with knowingness. Knowing we are both filled with greatness. And i wont question,... a move you make or a step you take. - I already know the answer at any rate. Others will consider you a mystery. And forever to them you will probably always be,....Yet they arent me. Possibilities are endless. Especially for us. And i guess im okay,...with letting everything fall away. Ive never been one to go after what i want...enless i feel it tugging on the other side of the rope. And then i will retreive my hope. I dont expect anything,... except you to do the things that make you happy. Even if thats you never wanting to see me. If you pass me years from now,....i will be sure to flash that smile... I know i never said goodbye,....and you never did either...but which one of us wanted to? Neither. Im searching if its time to do that now though,...how do you leave? When you dont know how to let go. I know i havent did anything- to make anything happen.,,...leaving only time for our hearts to grow fonder or flaten. Sometimes i wish you had a camera that was placed on me for a day, so you could see all you wanted and find out all you needed to know- instead of being stubborn thinking you already know everything there is to know. So much daydreaming are in my dreamy days,...and at the start of all of them is where your image mostely stays. And are they to become real?,...Is that why they are schemed up?...Or is it just because im the one steering their wheel? I see a dream catcher at a friends,...and oh its a beautiful wonder,...but does it catch the beautiful ones?,... Maybe thats why i never bought one. What do I notice about you? Everything that is to notice,...when your around,... im at extra focus. And maybe when all is said and done,....we will walk away,...but this has always been so much more than a label of "just fun".

I watched the light fade away. The glimpse of a future, I somehow already knew....flushed away. I took baby steps- that turned into my sprinting strides,... running far and fast. With no thoughts of caring to hide. At first I poped my neck at the sight,...that I didnt much like. It turned into a grin though...because i lost every ounce of care i ever had.... I stoped thinking of you...and i stoped feeling bad. And every relief I ever needed,...exploded out...when i realized neither one of us had been defeated. Both came out on winning terms...both came out standing firm. It truely took me this long to let go...with the question what could we be like? in the air,...I feel proud to say i dont want to know. And i take off the black band...throw it with the other gifts that dont mean anything ....im glad im not having to fight with my heart to make it understand. I have spent too much time thinking I was too good,..for too many...its better to know im just unique....with an adoring way to love and speak. The finest cool air,...it races above me,...with a burning candle scent...im perfect w/ out knowing why your mean,...and how much you could have ment. It didnt take words from another....it didnt take my dreams of us being shot down again by my mother..... It took a long stare,........at what i needed to see....and i judge it absolutely fair. Maybe i judged it that way,...because i cease to care. It helped hearing others...talk to me- letting me know how you didnt deserve me...and it took alot to realize it,....then i look at what you got now,..and I understand every bit. And the Younger Years love took place,...to make me strong- so i could smile at a cupid killer dead in its face. And maybe God decided to take my body over for a little bit at some point,...I believe so because I think he left a lil of his good in me....if so God, thank you for letting a peice of you in me remain,....I will take it straight to fame. She took all I ever dreamt of and gave it to me on a silver platter.....too bad i like gold. My schedule has room in the past,...especially for One Amazingly Beautiful Thing... And you always wondered why you were labeled Classical....well truth is- its because my future was already Full.

An image that looks so familar... Maybe past lifetimes made it possible for such chemisty or maybe i have such a kind of phylisophical mind inside me. Id challenge the worlds smartest man,...if you told me id win... even if you were lieing,...it would be a romantic sin. And I cant remember a dream to its fulliest...although if you were in it id beg God for rememberance even if he called me foolish. And there is probably not 2 good reasons,...why you should be the one id try to be pleasing. Id live in my head,...as long as there was love, you....and not a tear to be shed. Im not brave if we are talking about making a commitment..id make it for you though...even if my tender heart couldnt take another heartbreaker for enrollment. Blinded easy....when ive fallen hard...and get up dizzy. Ive heard i was the type to live in a dream world....well why wouldnt i?.....ive always thought my reality could be a dream world. And if its a fairy tale you wanna hear...I believe in those,...thats why God sent me here. If your watching your tv screen hear "dreamers world" chants...Ill be there and the leading marcher is where. I help people the best way that I can,...I tend to be a life booster...helping across every piece of land. In any event...if you needed my help,....dial my heart....it will be the most passionate you've ever felt. And the last time we made eye contact....I melted....couldnt let you see so i kept it in me compact. Young and youthful....desire and will being my strongest tools. If i must be judged,then read me to the last page..you will get over you rage...as you hear the worlds in my own voice...you'll wanna stay

I hate to break your heart... never my intentions I just am not the same since her and i have been apart. Let me explain... If she had nothing but her mind to offer,.. i must confess... It might not seem like alot....but it still makes her priceless. If she was a homeless girl on the street....id dodge cars getting to her...so we could meet. If she was a lamp shade without a light,....she would still shine... even at night. If she was a coke that lost its fiss...when you poped the cap....she still wouldnt be flat. If she was a treasuer chest without gold,...in my eyes...the treasures would never get old. If she would never become a queen...id hold her like she was....cuz that how much she means.... If she were a bed....she would still be beautiful...even when the covers had been shed. If she were busted speakers...and never to be fixed is how they were.....id still listen to her. If she were a keyboard in which the buttons had been torn away....id still graze my fingers across it...and figure out a way. If she were a house without ventalation...and it was freezing cold...i would still make it where my heart and body stationed. If she was at her worst mood.....saying the meanest things....I still couldnt label her as rude. If she was one of a million brilliant girls...and was the only without a name.... She would still be the only one id want to claim. If she were a sinking boat...and i was a captain lost at sea....id still find a way to make her float. If she were a dancer with no rhythm to her feet....and there was no chance of teaching her...i still would see her as complete. If she was a plane that couldnt fly...id hold her up...so she would think she was traveling the skys. If she were a star that never shot....she would still be the brightest...and still hang the highest. If she were a book with only 1 word...and it wasnt the best you read...id think of you as absurd. If she was the old lady everyone thought was so strange....and was avoided by all....id still need her the same...

I got this shovel and i dug deep,... i doubt i go through your head when your wishing you could just get some sleep. Take the hopeless hopes, and toss the idea of her heart being close to me down the slopes. Remembering another school morning..... I pulled up to the pack of parked cars, once again there is no sign...of the one i most dont want to leave behind. And i believe in too good to be caught in a situation...that looks to throw at me- every temptation. And im known for writing the saddest of love affairs.....and most were moments id live again,...moments we shared. I hide your name the best i can, when people ask who are these about....by letting nothing come out of my mouth. Sometimes i get feelings of where i think i know you like the backside....of a poets study guide. But not too many try to play it off like you.- not many can...just know i see right through. And ive thought before that you probably think you own my life... babe, im something like the greatest and as far as a clue....you dont have the faintest. beautiful thoughts you have before churn up in me....like icy tops on the side of mountain drops... Now im a sucker for a good laugh...so i guess that makes me a sucker for time with you. And ive thought before that we really were made for something big....and how i would hate to toss our memories over the bridge. In inconsistent seconds- I have felt you at times place your trust in me....then again- maybe that was just me breathing. I realize like a purple sky... i need all of your attention and affection...but i doubt i will ever get that so let these statements stand for protection. And lately its sad to knowing you've been down in the dumps...trying to climb out of your slumps....and thinkin on this i just know i could help you whether you like to think so or not...and honestly it would help me just to be helping you...a whole lot. I wont question that i should have called the cops...when you ran off with my heart....but i never yelled slow down or even stop. And i want the best things for you...but you threaten my passion for life...so loving you is truely hard to do. I wont lie....riding in my car on a road far away from home....i stare out my window...sometimes passing golden fields of splendor...And casually im looking back,...maybe your 4 wheels will be rolling in my rearview. Lately this pen ive been writing with,...would rather be spelling "i love yous"...and having your fellow pen along this page writing " me toos" One thing is for sure....your a girl that played with barbie dolls...with dreams of making sure the doll you gave your own name to would never fall.... And i cant be your Ken,...where you use me then put me back on a shelf next to your wall....but i guess you know as well as i....Love has no law.

You call, im guessing the water in your eyes makes them look like jewels at this point....and you have me in a submission....crushing every joint.. And i wish you would actually try and tell me i dont understand again.....cuz you couldnt tell me where i havent and when. And if you tell me one more time that i dont care....i might just scream....even if thats how it seems... But how do I act like I give a damn,....when everytime ive cared my dreams got slammed. Every secret you tell me...ill keep it a secret.... Last night you sounded so high...its cool that you took your medicine....but it wasnt when a i love you is what you were trying to send. Telling me how we cant do this again... Then why are you doing this again? Im sorry if it hurts your feelings that im not telling you all of my feelings...but im a little immune....to getting caught up in you sweeping me up with your broom. Everyday....i missed you...my dues where payed... Still everyday with him you stayed. And now you want me to speak an I love you....while an hour ago you were probably telling him how much you also loved him. Now you can do all this...but you cant see me...though i understand... But you cant change you...you cant not love me just cuz hes the one holding your hand. And everyone thinks we are over....but we are the only ones who just cant let it be over. And neither one of us say how we truely feel...enless we arent sober. But you are just scared...of what everyone would think....if you changed your mind again cuz it was truely my arm in which you wanted yours to link. And i will see you around...and yes ill make sure to give you a wink. and if no one is looking i wont forget how you like it when i kiss your cheek.

There were two streams in which i swam...and they were both my kinda water work,...one though had me continuesly saying damn. it took me under,...where i couldnt breath,,....it kept me there...that mermaid wouldnt let me leave. Told me just the right things,...the best lines...to make me not want any air...to make me forget about all the others who I had that really did care. Let me get oxygen...when i couldnt handle the pressure anymore....then pulled me back in with words of romantic toxin. And when the water got shallow and she had to go through the pain of having no air to breath from being above that water....she left...and her absence only made my heart grow fonder.. Oh but floating further down,..when that water again reached deepness....and i was back in a world where i had no control....there came back the mermaid mistress. Begging my name...telling me all the words thats she knew would make me love her....and telling me she loved me the same. She avoided all the questions i asked that she couldnt find an answer to connive....and would kiss me on the cheek when i wanted to forget she was even alive. Through out the many times she left me to drown....I yelled to her....i know she heard me but she acted like she didnt hear one sound. I had friends pulling me to safety...telling me to stay away from that mermaid...and she laughed at my sadness when on the shore i laid. I asked God for mercy...and to show me the right way...as i tried to stop cursing. God pulled through for me....showed me the door way...and all i needed to see.. As i splashed into the water once more. And traveled all the way to the bottom of that ocean floor. And there i found---- her lips pressing against another she would soon also leave to drown. My eyes were not confused,...were not amused....from her tatics i was use to being used....regardless though, from the pain i was not soothed. But i had seen what was needed to be seen.....and that night crying from the balcony....I crushed hers and my dream.....threw it to the waters where she probably thought i would be back again....but i tossed it to let it fade away from all the thoughts it made in my head that would never be anything but mean....and to forever float down that heartbreaking Mermaids stream....