Nicole's blog: "my wraith , my happyness,my angry , all about me :)"

i remember i used to date back in high school and he was like sid from sex pistols and he also loved his drugs and did alot of them to a point where he would be like a zombie and i was at that time drinking .now drinking  i know my limits but back when i was a 16 year old  teenager i would drink too a point where i would blackout and i'm soo greatful for my bff jenna who would make up lies to my parents so i could sleep it off and she is my best friend because of that and the boyfriend who i thought was the love of my life loved drugs more then me and i thought he loved me because i was so stupid at that age and i was doing things that could have cost me my life and my mom kind of knew what i was doing and my dad always knew  but i was liveing a darklife and was hurting people close to me that still to this day i dont know why there are still my talking to me so one night .i was going to go out on a drinking binge but i did not feel like it so i stayed home and i happen to turn it to hbo channel and this movie kids was on i thought it was going to be a movie like dazed and confused fun type movie but as i was watching it and no it did not because all the teenagers in the movie do drugs and drink they dont have no guidence and no one to help them so this one this one character named telly played by leo fizpatrick have sex with alot of girls and now he is haveing sex with only virgins thinking that its safe and it cuts to this one part where ruby played by rosario dawson and jennie played by chloe sevigny go to get tested and rudy talks about all of the guys she been with and jennie only had sex with one guy telly and it turns out the girl who you think is ruby must have something but she does not but jennie turns out to have hiv and that scene shocked me and the ending of that movie really spoke to me where telly was talking about sex is all he have to live for. it goes with me i thought my junkie boyfriend and binge drinking was all i had that is wrong and i loved that movie because it helped me change my life around a bit at that age . i knew if i did not change i would either in up dead or in jail so that movie really opened my eyes and made me look deeper into whats important in my life .i dump my ex junkie boyfriend and at that time i put a hold on drinking until i turned 21 lol . the point to this story is that movies and music can make you think more about your life and whats important :)

sorry for this being this long i had to get this out

peace & love

nicole