Over 16,538,627 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
after reading this many of you might ask why i live the lifestyle i do and there is only 3 words i can say SAFE SANE CONSENTUAL....the difference is even as a slave i ALWAYS have the power to stop a scene AT ANY TIME! as a battered wife the beatings didn't stop until he was good and ready.....
My Story....this is all true
Abuse.
i was married at one time to a horrible man...Rick was never my master or anything...it was plain old vanilla but that is not what made him horrible....it was the abuse that he dished out almost daily....and it wasn't just physical, it was emotional and sexual also...
i never reported him to the police...i was afraid to...he had threatened to kill me many times and he even held a hunting knife to my throat one day and told me that he could kill me and no one would give a shit...and then one night i was a few minutes late getting home from the grocery store and he met me at the top of the stairs with a loaded cocked gun and told me that i was late and i would never be late again...i was so terrified when he put the gun to my head....
my life was controlled completely by him....but not in the way that is like my life now...anything i wanted i couldn't have and anything i needed i had to literally beg for..things like soap and shampoo and even sanitary napkins...if i wanted or needed new clothes he would tell me to go to garage sales and flea markets...the last real new clothes i had was when i got pregnant with my daughter and that is only because my mom bought me a couple pregnancy dresses....i was not allowed to watch TV or movies...i had to leave the room or clean...if he had a party i had to sit in a room by myself and wait to be called to serve drinks...
we lived in HUD housing and had inspection every 4 months and he would make me get down on the floor and go thru the carpet fiber by fiber...the house was wall to wall carpet and if i complained he would put my face in the carpet and holding me down rub my face back and forth over the carpet until i would have rug burns on my face...
He hit me nearly every day and his favorite name to call me was "a fat ugly lazy cunt"...he called me that several times a day...there was one time that he beat me just as i got up in the morning because i had left a few dishes in the sink...and one time, Jake was still in the crib, i had a cold and lost my voice...He told me that i wasn't allowed in HIS room and i put my hands up like saying why and he became enraged and chased me...i ran into Jake's room because i thought he wouldn't hit me in there but i was wrong...he hit me repeatedly in the head alternating hands and i just fell to the floor and he looked at me grabbed my face to make me look at him and said "Look at what you are doing to your son!" i just shook my head and croaked out "No You are making him cry!" which brought on another rash of blows to the head....
and the sickest part of all of this is that the more he made me cry and the more he hurt me the more turned on he got and would take what he wanted whether i wanted to or not which i never wanted after i was hurting...and after he was spent and asleep i would go to another room and cry or go to the bathroom to throw up....
Eating was a bad thing too...if i made a meal for a "dinner party" i was not allowed to eat until all the guests had finished and then and only then i was allowed if there were any scraps left and if there wasn't i would have to go to bed hungry...and even if it was dinner i got to eat after him and the children were finished...if i was eating something and the children or he wanted it i had to give it up....and if he decided that i was "too fat" then he would withhold food and drink except water from me
i was not allowed to be sick...if i had a migraine or the flu or even a cold i was beaten until i got out of bed...
He liked to throw me into walls and the stove...he punched a hole in the wall and told me that should have been my head...i have been kicked and bitten and thrown....i finally broke away and got away only to have him find me the next day and have me comitted....i was too afraid to speak so they assumed he was telling the truth but it backfired because they were able to help me get away and stay away and file for divorce until he came after a month later and had me put me back in after causing me to have a severe anxiety attack....
i now suffer from fibromyalgia which the doctors have said is "most likely" caused from the abuse i suffered at the hands of the man that was supposed to love me and to this day, almost 9 years later, i still have flashbacks of those years of torture...i still have nightmares and night terrors about it...i still cringe when a man raises him arm even if it is only to put a shirt on....i am struggling to regain my life....
thank you for listening,
susi
