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Cisco Kid's blog: "my blog"

created on 12/18/2007  |  http://fubar.com/my-blog/b169294

my so-called life

About an hour ago I was told my grandmother was put in a group home and that it would be pointless sending a christmas card, or anything for for that matter to her because she has no idea who i am....still I put the card with the others to be sent out today. It is almost impossible imagining her without memories of me...even at the age of 92. I am so angry with my family for allowing my grandma to go...to be taken...from her home for over 50 years...not to live with other family members (what family does...) fuck no, let strangers take care of her in a strange place...i am so ashamed of my family. When she passes, I will have no reason or interest to ever speak to them again. I wasnt told till now because the family always hated me because i was my grandpa and grandma favorite grandchild. I am the last Francisco, but truth be told i was the favorite because i was all they had left of their only son....who was their favorite child. He died at the age of 23. I know just a baby. My grandparents paid my mother(19 at the time) $100,000 to go back to school....or whatever as long as she left their only son's only son with them. She did. I was a year and a half when he died (fourth of july 1976) I was introduced to her when i was in kindergarden.( i suppose thats why its shocking to hear that my grandma wouldnt know me if i walked into a room she was in. They for the most part raised me...did they spoil me? looking back id say yeah.I also think they did it for themselves as much as for me...helped them heal maybe? My dad was my grandpa's best friend...grandpa was mine. I have no memory of my father, my real father ...i have had a couple dads and a few pops, but grew up knowing that my father was dead and id want to ask about him, what was he like but i didnt....i saw the pain the memory of him brought them...So when i met my mom and she asked me if i want to meet my dad...i was shocked...she took me to the cementary and showed me his plot and headstone....i was like ....okay wheres my dad? she said hes under the ground in a box... my answer to that, i remember as if it was yesterday.....we need trucks and helicopters and shovels and dig him out...and i started bawling. My grandma heard about it when mom took me back home (grandma and grandpas) and she was so pissed at my mom for doing that,,,,i didnt see my mom for another year after that....then when i did she had a lawyer and took my grandparents to court for custody of me..Anyways my grandma was the one who told me yes your dads in a box but trucks and shovels cant bring him back. your dad is heaven savin a spot for the rest of us...then iim sure she baked cookies or something...woman was always in the kitchen.... Sorry caught myself in a ramble...Needless to say fuck my family that would let my grandma down like that and gonna send her a card every week. I owe her that, nno i owe her so much more and it kills me i havent done more. I have forgotten the face of my father..i feel ashamed. Merry Christmas everyone Take care of each other. Michael Don Francisco
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