Recently, I was with a group of friends, hanging out downtown, and one of them asked another out. The person who did this, was my friend Lisa, that I have known for the last 5 years. We met back in winter quarter of 2004 and since then, I have had feelings for her. But now, seeing that she asked another girl out and she is bisexual, I have managed to miss another opportunity to let someone know of my feelings.
This has put so far on edge, that it made me create a partial list of things that get on my nerves and this was one of the top 5. I feel so fucking stupid now, because I let my guard down once again with fear and agony reigning supreme. I just don't know what I am gonna do anymore. With people telling me that things will turn out if you hope for the best, I really dislike my chances of finding someone or anyone for that matter, who I can physically and mentally trust without being in fear of being let down or severely heart-broken all over again.
I guess, if by small chance, someone does actually want to be with me, they will do it on their own. I am so fucking tired of doing it myself, cause it has gotten me nowhere, expect for heartache and mental breakdowns emotionally.