I am being to think things that i shouldn't think or normally think. See I will do anything for my kids to make them happy and being a single mother and living in a military town there aren't to many jobs here because the military comes first. I don't want to work for $5.15 an hour because i can't live off of that. I had to give up alot of things that make me happy for my kids. Now my son will turn a year old on saturday and it kills me to know that i can't give him his first birthday party. I was kinda hoping on gettin some money from his father but we all know if u had read my previous blogs that he won't do shit. So after sometime and think about it hard i think i am gonna have to move somewhere where the money is good. I don't want to leave where i am because my family is here and they are the glue that holds me together. So i am thinking about a job at a bar as a waitress only thing is. I can't deal with drunken fools to much. i don't really drink and if i do it has to be a damn good reason. so drunks aren't my thing. but u gotta do what u gotta do to support ur kids.
I don't like borrowing money because i am never sure when i can pay it back and it isn't someone elses job to provide for my kids other than mine. My friends and family try to help me as much as possible. I worked up until july then i quit because after all the bills plus daycare and gas i had no money. I want to take legal action against my ex but because he is running from the government its alot harder. and beside I don't have the money for a lawyer right now. so as soon as i am done with my classes now i am gonna have to find a damn good job and continue my education so i can better my life. I have goals for the next 5 years and i live to achieve everything i set for myself. Not to mention i am tryin to make my family proud. I want my kids to grow up with a better life then me. I want to be a better parent then mine where and let me tell u those are some hard ass shoes to fill because no matter what my parents did the most they could for us. then after my dad died my mom struggled to make ends meat for just the 2 of us because at that time my brothers were over the age of 18 and could do for themselves. Now i know the struggle and i am starting to wonder if things will start to look up for me so i can begin to help my mom the way she has helped me.
