foGotten
loSt
baTterEd
aBused
NeglEcted
haTed
RapEd
beAtEn
mY LiFe I'm lonely,
I'm sad.
I'm so very unhappy.
I have no reason to live,
No one to love,
My pain is forever.
My heart isn't whole like it used to be.
I'm a lame guy
That no one wants around.
My heart is fragile
And is cracked in many places.
I have no self-esteem,
Lots of people hate me,
I don't know what to do.
Feb. 2000
My pain is internal,
My heart and soul,
Are tearing each other apart.
I'm in agony,
I can hardly stand it,
It's getting worse,
And I wish it would stop.
The pain feels as if it'll last forever,
I need someone to help me.
I'm in a hole of pain and suffering.
I'm stuck and it hurts,
More and more.
As the pain hurts me the hole gets deeper,
And deeper.
Feb. 2000
I'm lonely and lost,
I'm a guy with no friends,
My soul is melting away.
My heart burns in pain,
Like it's caught in a pit of internal hell.
I don't know where to begin,
Or where I belong.
I'm unworthy to be here,
My soul needs to be set free.
I don't know how to free my soul,
From my deep dark pit of loveless hell.
Feb. 2000
I feel so alone and lost,
In this world of love,
hate,
greed,
deception,
and pain.
I've felt pain for too long.
I want it to stop,
So I can go on with my life.
I've never met someone, who knows what it's like,
To have your heart ripped out of your chest,
Your soul shattered,
And to have the one you truly love to leave you for some else.
I've lived with this pain for years,
I just want it to stop.
Nov. 2000
My heart is black as coal,
My soul is dark as a moonless night.
My soul is dying,
And my heart is in pain.
I wish my soul were free,
From this mortal pain and suffering.
I want to set it free,
Because no one likes a loser like me.
I'm alone, sacred, and in pain,
Please help me.
Dec. 2000
All I want is a life of my own,
Not a life where everyone tells me what to do,
I want to decide for my self,
And to be able to say what needs to be said.
I want to be myself,
And have no one say any thing about it.
I had to tell how I feel,
Maybe you should do the same.
Jan. 2001
I hate sharing my feelings,
Even though I might need to.
I feel like no one likes me,
I feel alone and scared.
I wish this feeling would go away,
I want out of this suffering,
Of emotional suffering.
What am I to do when,
I feel lost in this living hell of a life?
I want to be liked,
And not to be alone.
I wish I could share my feelings more easily,
So I won't destroy my self.
Sep. 2001
Where did I go wrong?
I never did any thing to hurt any one.
Maybe I just have the worst luck in the world.
I feel so sick,
I need some help,
But there is no there to help me.
I don't like feeling the way I do,
But that is how I feel.
I feel so ugly,
So disgusting that no one will come near me.
Why does this stuff always happen to me?
I get hurt for no reason,
I lose all that are close to me.
I hate the way this stuff happens to me?
Dec. 2000
I feel all alone,
With no one to talk to.
I wish that I didn't feel this way,
But I do and I can't help it.
Why does this all ways have to happen to me?
I don't like to feel the way I do.
I want to have someone by my side,
So I have some one to talk to.
Someday I hope some one will choose to help me.
Until then I have to feel this way.
Jan. 2001
I'm sitting here with the pain in my head,
This unreeling, mind shattering, will breaking pain.
I've done all I can do to stop it,
It just keeps getting worse.
I'm pulling my hair out,
There's hot blood streaming down my face,
As it passes my mouth,
I taste some,
Then the pain softens,
Then I remember that I'm not human,
Medication won't work on me.
I need blood of the living to ease the pain,
Such is the life of the vampire,
The pain I feel is my internal thirst for blood.
Jan. 2001
My head is in pain,
The unrelenting, will breaking, heart stopping pain.
It causes me to hurt myself.
I pull my hair out till I bleed,
I cut my arms to make them bleed,
I break down walls with my fists,
I'm so used to physical pain,
That mental pain is unbearable.
This unreel pain blurs my vision,
And I can hardly breath.
I've tried to make it stop,
What ever I do doesn't work.
My brain feels as it's going to explode.
I can't sleep, eat, or drink,
Because the pain is so intense.
I'll pass out and when I awake,
The pain awakens with me too.
People don't want to be around me,
They say I'm "scary".
HA! Let them have this pain I suffer through.
I've tried killing myself,
But no matter how hard I try,
I'll still be alive.
It's like the God/desses,
are playing with me.
Maybe I'm not what I think I am anymore.
Maybe I've been living a lie?
And my life as I knew it,
Died with the coming of this pain.
Why me?
That's all I want to know.
My insides are in pain,
Like there's a demon in me,
Eating me from the inside out.
I feel a scratchy feeling,
In my stomach.
Please Goddess make it stop.
I'm rolled on the floor screaming,
With blood flavored foam coming out of my mouth.
This pain is so intense I can't stop crying,
And it won't let up for a second.
How am I to stop such a pain,
When I don't know when or why it started.
Jan. 2001
I can't think,
I have this massive pain in my neck.
Why do I have this pain?
All that I remember is walking down the street,
And then BAM!!!!!
Don't remember anything till now.
I have two holes in my neck,
And dried blood on my clothing.
It's dark out but
I can see as if it were light out.
I hear things that are really far away,
I seem to move at a greatly increased speed.
I stare into a near by window,
And see my pale face,
My short blond hair,
With my ever changing hazel eyes,
And my blood red lips.
I'm glad to be alive,
But as I smile I notice my teeth are strange,
They are pointed,
And sharp.
What happened to me?
What have I become?
Then I hear this strangely familiar voice in my ear,
I turn to see someone who looks kinda like me,
She has pale skin,
Dark brown eyes,
Long flowing blond hair,
Her lips as well are red,
She smiles and says to go with her,
Should I do what she says?
Or should I stay by myself?
Feb. 2001
This is the Year
This is the year that we leave,
This is the year that we'll last see each other's faces.
This is the year that'll remain with us the longest,
Because a lot happened to us during this year.
This is the year that we'll leave you all behind.
This is the year we have to learn to live on our own.
This is the year that will effect our lives the most.
This is the year that we'll leave with tears in our eyes,
For this is the year that we leave our friends and family,
To go and become adults.
Till we meet again,
This is the time we say good-bye.
Jan. 2002
Trapped
im trapped in this world
thats not ment for me
im lonely
im losing my mind
no one to talk to
no one that cares
the burning
the stinging
the ripping apart of my heart and soul
nothing left to live for
nothing nothing nothing
2003
It's Back
the demon is back
as it always does
no matter how far i run
no matter how fast
or the obsticals i lay before it
it still finds me
and continues to eat away at me
it feasts on me leaving
the pain
the hollowness
and the lonelyness
i can't lose this beast
it finds me everywhere
and doesn't care
it is relentless
and is called something
i believe it's called
insanity
2003
Agony
as my vision clouds
and my feeling drifts away
i realize im alone
no one to talk to
no one to hold close
no one to hold me
as i begin to shake
as the fear sets in
as i begin to lose baearing
i begin to think of ways
ways to end this
things i shouldn't think
lonelyness is unbearabale
it causes such agony
the agony drives me insane
i cant handle much more of this
i cant
i c a n t
no more
go away
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
2003
Kill Me Dead
kick me
punch me
jab me
stomp me
im nothing
a worthless bag of shit
kill. me. dead.
cut me
stab me
dice me
slash me
im nothing
a worthless bag of shit
kill. me. dead.
burn me
fry me
cook me
im nothing
a worthless bag of shit
kill. me. dead.
rape me
pillage me
molest me
im nothing
a worthless bag of shit
kill. me. dead.
kill. me. d e a d...
2003
Hate
i hate the sun
i hate the sky
i hate you
i hate grass
i hate snow
i hate water
i hate lonelyness
i hate togetherness
i hate love
i hate hate
i hate life
i hate death
but most of all
i hate me
June 2003
Pain
it haunts
never sleeping
it rips
never stoping
it eats
never full
it sees
never blind
it tortures
never relenting
always there
never gone
always in me
never leaving
it is pain
never different
June 2003
flames of pain
burn me.
daggers of agony
slice me.
arrows of hate
shot at me.
swords of anger
stab me.
water of sorrow
drown me.
winds of loneliness
guide me.
walls of hurt
shield me...
the heat.
the white hot heat.
the heat in me.
the flames of hatred.
the fires of chaos
burn inside me.
they churn my insides
they melt away my will.
they make me crave
they make me lust
for others to feel my pain
to cause them to hate life
to bring them to my level
to cause them anguish
to bring anger hate and distrust
to those i hold dear to me
to bring chaos to the world.
i have to end this.
i have to end this now...
flames of rage
pain and hatred
consume my already charred heart.
scar my ever darkening soul.
eating away at me.
turning me into a beast
obsessed with pain hatred and destruction.
the monster called life
chews me up and spits me out
as an unrecognizable mass of
pain loneliness and vileness
putrid hate uncontrollable rage
and slimy loneliness seep from me
killing me as i am
killing me....
i am no more
Lust
no emotion
no feelings
only sex
no more
no less
just sex
heavy breathing
sweating bodies
a night of moans and grunts
no more
no less
real name or no
who cares
it's just lust
it's just fuck me now
never to see you agian
cum with me
a moment with one u don't know
it's just lust
no emotion
no feelings
just the need of temporary relief
its just lust
Not the One
ur not the one
u say u love me
i don't love u
u hate me then
and i don't hate u
ur just not the one
i don't need u
u don't need me
no feelings
no emotions
are felt for u
ur just not the one
u cry to famliy
i dont
u whine like a baby
i don't
no feelings
no emotions
are felt for u
ur just not the one
