JustPlainSexy's blog: "my heart and soul"

so we talk and we laugh we dream and we cry we live and we learn we yearn and we die ive come to terms that not everything in live is fair every time i hear her voice something deep inside me awakens i feel a lump in my throught a loss of words a shortness of breath ive finally found true love and ive always wondered what true love was and now i know no one else matters to me in the world but her she is my other half my completion i know one day i will lose her as much as i pray it never comes i know it is inevitable its just how life is we are hundreds of miles apart and yet i feel soo close to her i asked her to marry me she said yes i asked if she loved me she said yes i asked her to move here with me once again she said yes so why is it that she has broken my heart and left me to be by my self i know ive done some wrong things in life and ive hurt a few ppl but nothign i have ever done deserves this much torture this much heartache im always alone and alone i shall be she was my world and meant the world to me

Life is unfair life is harsh the good ones get shat on while the bad ones prosper love is the most complex thing in the world and yet its the simplest ive never felt this way about anyone b4 and yet im powerless to do anything im speechless im so speechless when it comes to her so much i want to say nothing comes out nothing makes sense ive found the one my gut tells me so im losing her minute by minute hour by hour she slips away ive shed tears for her shed tears because of her and the pain she suffers the one person in life that doesnt deserve it i beleive in love at first sight i beleive in god i trust in god and i love him i beleive everything in life happens for a reason he took my unborn child from me for a reason he put me in bad relationships for a reason he let me find her for a reason he let my heart belong to her for a reason i realize all this i understand all this but i just cant help it cnat hide my dissapointment with him for what he is about to do not only to myself but to her as well rebekka lynn robinson i love you with all my heart and soul and i want you to know if i could take your pain and suffering away and give it to myself i would do so in a heartbeat i would surrender myself if it meant your life would be better please dont ever forget about me and know that we will be together forever one day i promise

y is it sooo hard im not a prick im not an asshole but yet i get dicked over and i dont know y do i deserve it do i not my heart is for the taking but it always gets broken im starting to feel like ill never find someone in life to spend time with somone to love to cuddle to kiss someone to settle down with start a family of my own and i know it takes time but time is running short im not getting any younger i would treat u like a queen never lie cheat or hurt u in any way and thats all i ask for in return so why does it torment me y do i let it bother me im not perfect but i am human and i do have a heart never claimed to b perfect but i try my best try to be i try and i try it isnt enough is it did i do something wrong? did i not show enough affention enough love? i know ppl say i will find the right one someday but sometimes it feels like she has already come and gone and yet still pops back in my life once in a while then dissapears again i just want happiness and true love

so do you ever get in those moods where the littelist things bother you like nothing you do is ever good enough your love for someone just wont do or you like someone and they just dont seem interested yeah well it happens and im sorry nothin you can do about it so im finally single again after 8 1/2 months and honestly ive nver been happier with myself im out of a relationship where i was unhappy untrusted and used constantly bitched at and yet this great burden has been lifted from my shoulders im finally able to get my life back to the way things were how they used to be but yet somehow i dont miss any of them old habits and feelings resurface but is that really what i want to i want to be the me i used to be im a total sweetheart love to cuddle and kiss romantic spontaneous to a certain extent im a total goofball and a natural flirt im an excellent lover i dont cheat and try my best not to lie im a simple man and doing little things for someone makes me happy yet at the same time it just isnt enough i listen to all kinds of music and im interested in doing all types of things im 26 years old and i feel that something in life i could have done differently or i shouldnt have done but yet everyone has those feelings of regret my family means the world to me and i would do anything for them but at the same time i cant wait to have a family of my own yeah i know cheesy isnt it but im not getting any younger i guess all in all you would have to know me for me to realize the type of person i am it may not be what you expected but its everything i have to give that will ethier steal your heart away or make u not like in but if u dont like me then all i can simply say is it is your loss not mine ever since i got my dwi last march ive lost most of my friends and even gained a couple new ones but the ones that ive lost never played a big role in my life other than being the wrong crowd people make mistakes plain and simple after all we are only human and that is how we r built in life trial and error so then why do i feel that finding that one person in life that would make me complete is always and forever will be just out of reach just far enough away where my finger tips touch but i cannot grab a dream where it runs on repeat but i cannot fastforward thru to the greatest part i know im an amazing person and my friends will tell you the same id be the greatest father in the world and the happiest husband so please god tell me why you put me through the things you do why do you test me so am i not worthy of finding true love am i not worthy of being the father and husband i feel i should be do i not deserve to be everything in life i hope to become or everything that special someone deserves to have and to want to fall in love with and to love with everything in there heart i guess all in all im just expressing my feelings in things which is a rarity so take them how you will respond if you feel necessary but if your my friend or hope one day to become one dont block me out dont ignore because expressing myself in this way probably wont happen again for a long time and the ones that do care and are there for this moment in time will forever be in my heart

life comes crashing down around you you struggle to stand tall but know deep down nothing you do matters nothing you say changes things you sit back and look at life wishing things were different the choices you made were they right were the good enough then she comes along walks into your life not knowing you not knowing she is the one to change evrything is it fate is it destiny treating her like a queen the way she deserves loving her with everything you have your entire heart and soul spending every waking moment with her in your subconcious thoughts why is life so unfair why is it so hard i know everything in life happens for a reason every little descision and detail its all a master plan from the friends that you gain to the ones you lose the unborn child u wish could have lived god do i wish my son had been born had he not been ripped away and tossed out like yesterdays stinky trash its been 2 years i no longer shed tears in this life no longer cry because of the things i cant have live each day like there is no tomorrow for tomorrow will never come only a new beginning can change things a new someone to fall in love with someone to hold to kiss to love with all your heart first be content with your own life then true happiness will come along and say hello and you will know everything you did up until that point only made u stronger stronger so that you could be the man you are for her