Kid SyN's blog: "My Feeling's"

This is a question that haunts me. I guess that the only way to say it is by just being honest. I am not looking for the perfect woman, I am looking for a woman that is perfect for me. I would be lying if I said that looks are unimportant. But I do look much deeper than the outer shell of a person. I would like to meet someone with a set of values that they will stand behind. They do not have to totally agree with my own, but it would be great if we could share our views on life, love or religion and agree to disagree on our own views and not let them stand between us. I can be very opinionated at times and stand behind my views and beliefs. But they are not written in stone. I am adaptable and interchangeable. When I am wrong, I will freely admit it. But if I feel I am right I will stick to my guns. I will make my point known and then can put it behind me and not dwell on something that I can not change.

Why did you have to leave me? Why did you break my heart? Why cant I just be happy? Why dont you just talk to me? Why did you just up and walk out of my life? Was I not good to you? Was I wrong for loving you like I did? Was I not there for you like I should of been? Did I not give you enough? Did I not make you happy? Did I mistreat you? What did I do wrong? What can I do to make it right? Please come back home to me! Please dont keep breaking my heart! Please come be tha wife to me that I know you can be! Please let me love you like you want to be loved.

I didnt write this but I like this poem. Crucify Me Fight me, deny me, and crucify me, My sins are yours, they're not mine. You make me what I am, evil at your command. You send me to meet my challenger, whatever it may be. I risk my life to line your pockets for nothing but pain and agony. Three feet of chain with nowhere to go, there's not much here to see. No time to play, its work, work, work, that's how life is for me. Run the treadmill. Pull the blocks and hang there from the tree. If my ribs feel a little thick, then not much food for me. I'm in tip top shape, a muscle bound freak, with all the attitude I need. I've got gameness several generations back. You should see my pedigree! Pump me up! Hype me up! Throw me some bait! How about that young pup? Watch me rip his eyeballs out; I need the taste of blood. I've been hit. I've been beat. I've been left to die in the ring. I've been sewed up! I've been ripped open and I've had several bones broken! I've scratched when I couldn't stand and I've stood up when I couldn't scratch! I've killed a few dogs and I've nearly died when I've met my match! Fight me, deny me, and crucify me, My sins are yours, they're not mine. You make me what I am, evil at your command. You send me to meet my challenger, whatever it may be. I risk my life to line your pockets for nothing but pain and agony. You find amusement at my torn, hanging skin and just when my body heals, you make me do it again. Why couldn't I have been a happy dog with a master who shared some love? Not some twisted psychopath, who owes his life to drugs. I do this evil to earn my keep. Somehow, I must be fed. The men in suits, they point at me and say they want me dead. Even the lucky ones in happy homes who have never felt my pain, must face the executioners because they bear my name. Fight me, deny me, and crucify me, My sins are yours, they're not mine. You make me what I am, evil at your command. You send me to meet my challenger, whatever it may be. I risk my life to line your pockets for nothing but pain and agony. I've grown too old now to fight in your ring You've left me no chance, to ever be free I lay in the darkness, no one at my side my last fight I lost, my eyes no longer can see this is what you have done, do you not feel shame? I can no longer walk, run or play you have a new puppy now, the one to take my place the cold and darkness closing now, you have nothing to say? I lay here in pain and my own blood I still believe that you love me and I try to stay awake But you kick me and wish me dead then tell them to tie the bag The darkness is here now; I hope they catch you, for the new puppy's sake Fight me, deny me, and crucify me, My sins are yours, they're not mine. You make me what I am, evil at your command. You send me to meet my challenger, whatever it may be. I risk my life to line your pockets for nothing but pain and agony.

Alayna Diane was born March 15, 2004. I didnt find out of her birth till she was a month old, So I asked for a DNA, a month later it come's back of her being mine. I only had 2 simple request's!! All I wanted is for Alayna to have my last name and tha right to see her. I've done everything her mother want's me to do but yet she still refuse's to let me see her. In 2 year's I've seen my daughter 10 time's and that was only because she happened to be in a store or at a carnival that I was at. It kill's me inside to know that I have a child that I cant see, hold, read a bed time story to and kiss goodnight. Court's refuse to help me cuz I dont have a lawyer. That shit shouldnt matter. I'm her Father I have right's to her to, yet if I dont pay support I go to jail but it's alright for her mother to hide and keep her from me. I pay support every week, I've begged tha court's to help me only to be refused. Her mother is married to a damn Convicted Child Molester and tha court's say it's alright that my Daughter is left alone with him what tha fuck is that bullshit. Her Mother has been to jail 3 time's in tha past year and I cant get custody of her because her Step Father is able to keep her? What tha fuck is this justice system coming to? Doesnt tha biological father have right's? I may of not been a role model when I was growing up. Yet I'm drug free, I have no adult criminal record. I work full time, Own my house, Take care of my Family. Yet there are men out there that dont want nothin to do with her children but are forced to do so. Yet a man that want's to be apart of his child's life is denied?