let me fill ya'll in on a little part of my life. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my mom moved us in with my step father that raised me and my brother and sister as his own and I am forever thankful for that. My real father was never around and when I would talk to my mom about him she would bad mouth him like no tomorrow. Well about 3 and half years ago, I met up with my real father and all his family. I got to spend time with all them and actually feel like I was finally where I belonged. well in August of 2005 my father got sick. He was diagnosised with stage 4 oral and throat cancer and demension (basically he was just living in the past and didn't really know who anyone was or what was going on) his cancer was so far progressed that chemo and radiation would have just weakened him and basically kill him. So at the end of August, we were tols that he would have 6 months to a year to live. I took this really hard because I was like I just got him in my life and now he is going to be taken away from. I was so selfish that I wouldn't even go visit him while he was in hospice. I would think he didn't know it was me so what was the point. Last halloween I had off of work and I decided that I would go and visit him. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was sunny and not a cloud in the sky the leaves where turning into their fall colors. It was brisk but not reall cold, there was a slight breeze blowing. When i got there he was resting and the nurse told me he had a bad night, that he didn't sleep well and he was wondering the halls all night. I sat in his chair and i silently apologized for not coming in the past month to see him and that I hope he knew that I loved him and that he forgave me. he woke up and he talked to me like I was a stranger. Then my two aunts came (his 2 sisters) and we decided to talk him outside for a walk. Man did he love that and he just walked so fast and he was so strong that day he was pulling me and my one aunt along. then we decided to go back in and in the elevator he looked directly at me and got this big smile on his face. And my aunt said do you know who that is. and he goes yup that is my baby girl. And then the next second he had that confused look on his face again. But in that split second he knew who i was and that I was there. So that was a monday, I left him and told him that i would be back down on wednesday and that I would bring him a coat so we can go back outside when I come back down to see him. Well the next day, I get a call at work from my aunt telling me to get to the nursing home as soon as possible. that was a little after 1 pm. My sister and I both work together, so we made arrangements to get our kids picked up from school and daycare and got to the nursing home around 2pm and my father passed away at 420 pm. i was so sonfused because he was fine when i had left him the day before. I was angry because the lord took him too soon from me. I was so angry that I would lash out when people would tell me his was in a better place. BECUASE he wasn't in a better place. He was still suppose to be with me! He was suppose to live and see his grandkids get big. He was suppose to see his youngest daughter graduate high school and get married. MY GOD he was only 51. Why is it that ALL THE GOOD ONES DIE YOUNG AND ALL THE ASSHOLES ARE LEFT ON EARTH?
