"Beanie...I just want to know..." She starts the conversation off. And instantly I smile.
My body floods with happy feelings and I wait to hear her go on.
"..Do you really go to hell for masturbating because...really? I'm going to hell."
I laugh into the phone so hard I feel my body shake. "No! Who the fuck told you that?!"
"No one..." she sounds serious with a side of giggle. "...but I you know there's crazy stuff in the bible."
I laugh.
"Do you want me to go on about the bible?"
"Beanie...have you read the bible?"
"I have read a whole hell of a lot of it." I laugh
"...im just saying...im home aloooone, don't wanna watch Tv...what the hell else am I supposeda do...really?"
"Well I have absolutely no idea."
"I know Beanie...cuz If im going to hell for masturbation you are too...and really would that be so bad?"
Sometimes when I meet people. I get an instant feeling of a certain color.I cannot explain why or what the hell the color is for. But most people in my life have colors.
Dawns is yellow. Not bright yellow. But a light, pure, soft yellow.
I met Dawn 4 years ago or so at a play date for mommies.My first impressions were good ones.
I was quieter then. Out of my element.
We met each other a few times, but never talked much. I don't know when precisely we became as close as we are now.
It was just natural...as is breathing..or eating pie.
Very quickly we became close. It started with a Red Hot Chili Pepper concert.And it has never ended.
Really I knew she kinda stalked my blogs. She was my biggest fan. *smile*
When I opened my self and became just me asking odd questions and stating odder facts she would giggle and laugh. Never once did she gasp and shake her head at me.
I cannot count the times I have heard her laugh and end it on a "I love my beanie" Each time it makes my heart smile.
Quickly we opened up to one another, which only strengthened the friendship that we had formed.
I had never told another soul how unhappy I was in my marriage.
I had never uttered one word about how I had dreams of my own.
And If it had not been for Dawn, most likely I never would have.I knew that I could tell her anything. She never judged me. Her eyes never wavered. She would nod and agree and open up a little more with me. Until I was nodding and agreeing with her.
We did everything together. We giggled together, planned our getaways together. We became the others solace.And usually we did it over pecan supreme pie.
We have since lost the pie weight that we gained sneaking out and meeting each other at Bakers square.
SO much has happened this past year. And lately our friendship is a ricochet field.
I cry and can't do this. And she picks me up, dusts me off and puts power behind me once again.
She cries and I lean against her..just to let her know I am there. I give her my words and my belief in her. And It helps. I know it does.
I need her in my life. I would sputter and fail without her.
