Things i hate about sleepless nights is all the time I lay there thinking about everything and anything you can think of. Last night was one of those nights. I just thought of all the things I have been going thru lately & how no matter hard you try to get people to understand how you feel they never will. I have my regrets and stupid decisions I've done. All i ask is for people to care and not pressure me right now. I know lately my emotions have been running wickedly crazy. Cuz I was stupid and believed a guy that he cared about me and was going to support me being in his life. but he quickly backed out of that. which made me very angry cuz of what all I gave up to be with him. & most of all I HATE that people should act like it was nothing and move on. I'm sorry I can't. I quit my job to be with this man & also hurt my family. My permit also ran out for driving so I have to go get my physical again & take that stupid book test again. I feel so stupid for trusting someone like that. I have a lot to clean up. & I'm done with the games on this site of just leveling. I joined this site when it was about making friends. & thats what I've always tried to do. and I lost that for awhile. & i've kept ahold of my profile so that maybe just maybe someone will prove to me that being on this site is worth it. I have been sick for almost a month now with severe sinus infections & bronchitis and now they believe pneumonia was setting in. So yes I haven't been a happy camper lately. So I'm hoping the rest of this year isn't like how it started. People always complain about me being hard on myself. Well I believe someone should be cuz of how much I keep messing everything up. I have no idea what i'm doing from here with my life. I'm just taking it day by day. Starting over. Hopefully for the better. & I don't really understand men. I've had this one guy thats been in and out of my life for about a year now. He says he wants to get serious but he never shows that he wants to commit to anything. So i'm just seeing what happens with that becuz I do really care about him. Just wish some of these guys would man up around here and quit chickening out of everything. I know I'm tired of fooling around with guys that aren't serious and are only out for a fuck. Its a total waste of my time. I'm almost 21 and yes I know what I want out of my life. And I don't let anyone stand in my way. You never know how Strong you are until being Strong is the only choice you have left.
