Erotica's blog: "Eroticisms"

created on 10/24/2006 | http://fubar.com/eroticisms/b17566

posted on 10/25/2006&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;05:10&nbs-07:00;pm

Music To Your...Umm...Ears...?
http://fubar.com/music-to-your-umm-ears/b17566-56309

Just when you thought I was done.I found another one.Have you seen the iPod commercials where the guys and gals are dancing erratically? Ha! You were wrong! They are dancing erotically.

In my ramblings and musings about the numerous bullet toys out there, I missed a vital one. They make one that plugs in to your iPod! (And they thought this generation was only going to suffer from hearing loss!)

"The music-activated vibrating bullet stimulates you in time with your favourite music."Don't laugh. I see this being a major problem for men and women alike. Once I have spent a few hours captivated by the pleasurable beat of rap music (Yes, you have finally discovered the true reason behind the success of Eminem.), how can a man hold a candle to that? I will be smacking my boytoy on the ass, yelling that he is not keeping to the beat.We now have a new way to award Emmys though. To hell with how well the song is written, can it induce the Big O for 3 1/2 minutes straight? Maybe they should add a new category... "And now to introduce the nominees for the Best O Rhythm, we have a man who went down on himself in "Saddam and Gomorrah, the Last 7 Days", please welcome Ron Jeremy..."

However, I have decided that we can branch this new toy off into a training aid for sexually inept men.

You have all seen those light up mats that teach white people how to dance? The feet light up in time to the music, and you just follow along. Now, how about a blow up doll with the same features? Stick your favorite CD in the stereo and follow the lights boys! Left boob, right boob, here a tweak, there a tweak... But don't get them in the wrong order. You have all played that really annoying game, Simon, right? You get those lights out of order and it bleeps obscene noises at you. Nuh uh, not this doll baby. It will give you a shock where you really don't want it. Touch the clit before the light comes on? I don't think so. Let's see how 120 volts makes YOU feel.

Navy pilots require all those hours in a flight simulator before being unleashed on the real thing. I think this should apply to any man who thinks he is ready for sex.

Show me your completion certificate for Light Up Lucy, and I will show you my countertops.

Now, where did I put my iPod...?

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