knogood's blog: "MrKnoGood's Blog"

1.) A real nigga doesn't kiss & tell. 2.) A real nigga notices his ladies' hair & nails. 3.) A real nigga calls her beautiful.. not hot, sexy, or fine as fuck. 4.) A real nigga calls his ladie on a daily basis no matter how busy or tired he is. 5.) A real nigga looks past what he's heard about her or what his friends think of her. 6.) A real nigga wants to spend as much time as he can with his woman, & won't get sick of her. 7.) A real nigga doesn't care if she gave it up on the first, second, or third night. 8.) A real nigga comes over, just to watch a movie . 9.) A real nigga kisses on the forehead just because. 10.) A real nigga doesn't tell U what he thinks you want to hear, he tells you what's real. 11.) A real nigga should be treated like one.... 12.) A real nigga knowz how to put ya azz to sleep 13.) A real nigga don't ask questionz when u say u need somthing... him, sex, or money. 14.) A real nigga let'z hoez know he gotta wife. 15.) A real nigga don't play gamez!!!!!!!!!!! 16.) A real nigga don't leave his girl to go hang with his fucking home boyz when he hasnt seen his gurl in a week n then call her at 4 in da fucking morning because he need sum luv.

1.) MR. THUG LIFE Advantages a. Real good at making love b. Fun and exciting c. Makes you laugh d. Has your back, will fight and protect you Disadvantages a. Usually drinks and smokes too much b. Always got drama c. Stays a thug forever d. In and out of jail 2.) MR. NAW, I DON`T HAVE A GIRL Advantages a. Will take you out in the beginning b. Will introduce you to all his friends c. Compliments you all the time Disadvantages a. Has a girlfriend who he's been with since the 2nd grade b. Will not get rid of her c. He tells you about her after you've fallen in love with his ass! 3.) MR. BIG BALLA Advantages a. Will give you money with no questions asked b. Has a lot of style to him c. Will show you some of the nice things in life Disadvantages a. Never returns your phone calls b. Feels he can come to your house at any given time without calling first c. Loves to be around his boys more than you. 4.)MR. I`M IN THE INDUSTRY Advantages a. Can get you and your friends on the guest list at all the jumping parties b. Can have a decent stimulating conversation c. Tends to dress nice Disadvantages a. You dont know if he's gay, straight or bi b. Seems flighty when you speak of a solid commitment c. You still have to wait in line to get in all the jumping parties, then there's drama at the door d. All he has is a bunch of pictures with celebrities but he doesn't know any of them personally 5.) MR. INTELLECTUAL Advantages a. Book smart b. Cares about how you feel c. Has a very good job Disadvantages a. Boring as hell b. Doesn't know what the hell he's doing in bed!! c. He is not street smart d. Always asking you when can he see you again 6.) MR. GHETTO Advantages a. THE BOMB IN BED!!!!! b. Makes you laugh c. Got mad style and flava d. Has a temper, but generally a charming sweet guy e. Says he want a real relationship Disadvantages a. He got 3 or more baby mommas b. Wants to lay up in your crib, use the phone, and eat up all the food c. Is in denial when you tell him about himself d. Comes home at 3:00 am and says he was out with his boys 7.) MR. I`M A RIGHTEOUS BLACK MAN Advantages a. Will teach you about black history b. Revolutionary c. Inspiring & gives to you spiritually & emotionally d. Wants a wife and family Disadvantages a. Breaks up with you for a white girl b. no money/doesnt have a job c. Doesnt own a nice suit, always wearing camouflage, dreds, and oils d. In the end, you find out he is just a trifling ass motherfucker! 8. )MR. TOO DAMN GOOD Advantages a. Will introduce you to his mother b. Has a job and will take you out c. Will give you money for your bills if you need it d. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday Disadvantages a. Is always busy b. Secretly wants to be Mr. Thug Life c. Wears fake Movado & Rolex watches when he goes to the club d. Ignores you when the game is on because he takes sports too serious -He didnt make it professionally e.You find out after you break up with him that he was cheating on your ass the whole damn time! 9.) MR. PLAYA Advantages a. Will tell you the truth - that you`re not the only one b. Sometimes he`s fairly decent in bed c. He tells you that you`ve changed him and he`s ready to settle down d. Has his own apartment and car (invites you to move in with him) Disadvantages a. He doesn`t acknowledge you in public, especially if there`s women around b. Generally he is a punk (won`t stand up for anything) c. He expects you to believe all his lies just because he told you the truth about other women d. After you catch his lyin`ass he tells you that he told you that he was a playa in the beginning anyway 10. )MR. I HAVE A JOB Advantages a. Of course.... he has a job b. Doesn`t have too many bad habits c. Will take care of you when you`re sick d. Tells you that he is in love with you Disadvantages a. You stay in the relationship 2 years or more and then find out he`s a shiftless, lazy son-of-a-bitch who wants you to do all the wifely duties but won`t put a damn ring on your finger! b. He ends up telling you that he loves you, but is not "in love" with you c. After he leaves you he gets married a month later 11.)MR. BEST FRIEND Advantages a. He`s your best friend, you tell each other everything; you get along very, very well b. He gives you advice when you and your man are having problems c. The ultimate gentleman d. Sweet and caring with a good sense of humor Disadvantages a. You end up hooking up with him only to find he ain`t about shit either! b. Now, you gotta find a new best friend because you can`t stand his dumbass no more 12.) MR. RIGHT Advantages a.He loves God and takes his relationship with God seriously b. He is intellectual, brilliant, and capable of taking you there mentally and emotionally c. He will love you even when you are not lovable d. He has a career and not a job! e. He acknowledges his faults and strives to be a better man f. He understands a relationship is built on a 200% quota - 100% him and 100% you g. He doesn`t have a bunch of kids and babies mommas - he`s smarter than that h. He is a true best friend and everything you ever wanted in a man i. He was cute when you met him. But, after spending sometime you see he`s fine as hell! j. He can dress - knows the difference b/t formal, semi-formal, professional, business casual, casual, and since we are just chilling let me throw on some sweats and a fitted hat h. He loves his mother and respects women Disadvantages a. You`ve never met him and if you did he already has a girl/wife. b. You've met him. He's the one you didn't return the hello greeting at the grocery store because you were so caught up in the one of the previous 11!!!!!!!

LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!!! > > > > Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I'm so glad, that this will be my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments! So I called my baby girl. LaKeesha I need you to come by the house and get this last check. When she got there, I said, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to your momma's house and tell her that this is the last check, her last free ride. Take note of the expression on here face. Come back and tell me how she looked. So, my baby girl took the check over to her momma's. I was so anxiously awaiting LaKeesha's back brief. LaKeesha returned. What she say? What she say?Tell me and bout the 'expression on her face. Baby girl walk Through the door. I said, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?" She told me to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and for me to check out the expression on your face"!!! >

I the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, The Penis --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Penis, After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work eight hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags. Sincerely, The Management Team

American Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents. Hispanic Kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married .... unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds. American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bunt cake and you sip coffee and chat. Hispanic Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry. American Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions. Hispanic Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the mango & avocado trees. And if there are none, he will plant some! American Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up. Hispanic Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight .... plus they get bathed, fed and sprinkled with lavender cologne. American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done. Hispanic Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done .... cash deal. American Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get only cake and coffee, no more. Hispanic Kids: Will come over to visit their parents and get croquettes, plantains, a few bottles of their favorite beverage, a chicken & rice dish with choice of dark or white meat, salad, bread, a nice flan, Latin coffee and a few after dinner drinks .... time, permitting there will be a late dinner as well. American Kids: Think that being Latin is a great thing, Hispanic Kids: Know that being Latin is a great thing, American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food. Hispanic Kids: Are the reason you have no food. American Kids: Will say 'hello". Hispanic Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, and pat you on the back. American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. Hispanic Kids: Call your parents mom & dad. American Kids: Have never seen you cry. Hispanic Kids: Cry with you. American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. Hispanic Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together. American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. Hispanic Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours. American Kids: Know a few things about you. Hispanic Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. American Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. Hispanic Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. American Kids: Would knock on your door. Hispanic Kids: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" American Kids: Are for a while. Hispanic Kids: Are for life. American Kids: Will ignore this. Hispanic Kids: Will forward this.

Guy: "Can we have sex right now? Girl: "Can we do what?" Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?" Girl: "Um.....no." Guy: "Why?" Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend......." Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell." Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first." Guy: "I'm not special to you?" Girl: "You're my friend. That's all." Guy: looks forward and keeps driving. 5 minutes pass....... Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh. Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.". Guy: tries to kiss her. Girl: screams, "Would you stop." Guy: continues trying. Girl: moves to the back seat Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her. Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this." Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants. Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't." Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get". Girl: crying, continues to fight. Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down. Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!" Guy: puts his hand over her mouth. An hour passes......... Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off. Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying. Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek. Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now." Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home. 2 months later......... Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months." Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason." Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive. Doctor: "You are pregnant." Girl: faints. The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you." The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant....then he lied about it. So completely depressed......the girl commits suicide by drug overdose....... Girls, if this story touched you, repost it as "No means no" Guys, if this story pisses you off, repost it as "I'll kill any fucker who does this to my girl or any girl

Subject for all those from maryland and if your not it's still funny We can catch, cook, and crack our own crabs from our own bay. We are in Maryland, the best state in the US, which means we have skiing out west, farm country to the north, the bay right in the middle, the ocean out to the east, and suburbs all over, take your pick. Senior week, or should I say month is not only in Ocean City it IS Ocean City...This is the drunkest month in America... We can drink any city/state under the table. (i.e. we have a better night life than you!) The best beer pong players are all Maryland born and bred. Here, Flip cup is considered a Varsity sport. Flip or get kicked off the table!!! Baltimore has the highest murder rate in the nation....don't fuck with us...we'll kill you Our governor fights for our right to play slot machines....We like to gamble... Drink specials... everyday... Towson, Canton, Fed Hill, Fells, Powerplant and so much more! So many choices... so many beers... again with the best night life.. We can hit the club, drink at a friend's house, and go to southern Maryland for boating/crabbing and offroading, all in one weekend. We have an excellent selection of colleges to party at on the weekends....that means more fraternity boys and sorority girls! We have 2 of the top 10 richest counties in the country...yea.. we're that cocky.. We know how to drive in a traffic circle.... Old Bay seasoning is the shit... and very accessible here! We have WAWA. And ours have free chip nights. We call it pizza, pie is just gay. Summer will make you sweat your balls off, and winter will give them frostbite. We've never thought anyone from Cali was a god. We get shit loads of snow days and use them to drink and go sled riding/skiing/snowboarding. TV shows about rich kids whining haven't got shit on The Wire, which was filmed right here in Baltimore. Oh and don't forget The Blair Witch Project,Rocket Science (was filmed in dundalk High School, and will be released in late 2006 to early 2007) and all the John Waters films (Crybaby, Hairspray, Serial Mom, etc...) Fuck real Mexican food, Chipotle is the shit. We have some of the best lacrosse in the world. Bayhawks; MLL National Champs and Hopkins; NCAA National Champs. We call a sink a "zink" We don't wash our clothes we "warsh" them We have soda not pop. Every time you go to see the Orioles you hope a homerun breaks one of the warehouse windows... We get off school for three inches of snow We can take apart a crab like a surgeon And we BONG beers like it's our job, FYI it's not FUNNELING! And how about Maryland friends: OTHER FRIENDS: Never ask for food MARYLAND FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. OTHER FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad. OTHER FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but that shit was fun!" OTHER FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Cry with you. OTHER FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours. OTHER FRIENDS: know a few things about you. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. OTHER FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. OTHER FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" OTHER FRIENDS: Are for a while. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Are for life. OTHER FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste!!" OTHER FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!! OTHER FRIENDS: Will ignore this. MARYLAND FRIENDS: Will repost this Maryland is the shit!

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. > > The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, > > "You should be hung!" > > I took a drink from my can of Bud Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. > > That's why she cuts the grass."

The mom calls the husband a "bastard" and then the dad calls the wife a "bitch" and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?" and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen" and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!" So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina?" His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat" and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "Shit" and billy said "Dad, whats shit" And then his dad says "Well billy, Shit is a type of Shaving cream " and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "fuck!" and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?" "Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey" and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says "Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis's and vaginas, my dad's upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"