flu's blog: "mouthy h0arz"

so i rolled into another non-descript town the other day. they're all pretty much the same any more. u got ur golden arches. ur wally world. ur chevron gasoline station. ur US bank. no character. no personality. it's gettin' so the only way i can keep it straight in my head, as to wut town i'm in, is by the hookerz that i meet.

having finished my day, i parked this big fucker, and climbed out to sort out the wiring on my trailer running lights. i'd been given a warning ticket the day before. seems like every time i go thru a decent patch of rain or snow, the moisture always finds it's way in somewhere and by the next day or two, manages to corrode a wire sumwhere. leaving me, a rolling fishin' lure, for the appetite of sum fat state trooper.

i was fortunate to locate the injured section of wire quickly. while i was stooped over, head cranked around upside down, performing my trailer surgery, thinking to myself 'i really need to rewire this whole fucking trailer one of these days. ugh. or just get a new trailer so i don't have to fuck with it. ugh. or just go over there and get a job application at mcdonalds...' was when i noticed the delightfully distinctive clop clop clop of a high-healed woman walking thru the parking lot. i could tell by the sound that she was approaching me, and i unfolded myself from under the trailer just in time to meet her warm greeting.

'howdy sailor! u mind if i do a lil.. soliciting?' she asked with a genuinely warm and fully toothed smile.

looking in both directions, i determined we were alone enough between my truck and the one next to me, so i took her up on her offer. after a brief but spirited negotiation process, a deal was struck and she quickly set about to fulfill her end of the bargain. taking off her shiny blood red leather jacket, and folding it up neatly, she placed it on the ground at my feet, i quickly learned, a buffer between the coarse parking lot pavement and her stocking clad knees. 'very practical' i thought to myself.  i was again impressed by her 'get down to business' attitude when after she had completed that portion of our agreement, she arose abruptly and all but threw herself over the rear axle tire of my truck, paying no heed to the splash of the rain puddle that her left foot landed in, even tho i was certain that the water was seeping inside the seems of her very professional, almost matching, red spike heeled boot. now that her merciless mouth was no longer full, i felt it would be a nice time to engage her in some endearing small talk. after assuming my position behind her, filling my left hand with an ample, squishy breast, and wrapping my right hand in a silky rein of the most incredibly cherry red hair i've maybe ever seen in my life, i asked her coolly, 'so.. how's trix?'

'Trix? Well I'm not supposed to talk about customers, but since you asked ... today there was this one guy. He was short and orange, not just orange hair but somehow his skin looked orange. The surprising thing was he didn't actually have any freckles. A red head with no freckles. I was dumbfounded but since he buzzed me right before I was going to take my nap, I didn't stop to really think about how odd that was. I was tired.
We walked around a grimy corner where a dark child with huge saucer eyes was playing in a dirty mudpuddle with an old rattan baby basket. She smiled to me as I charged past with Mister Orange in tow. My spike heeled boots cracked on the hard cold cement like daggers on ice. As soon as we entered the old boarded up allyway I shoved Ginger John against the wall and started groping his crotch. He giggled like a school girl and then hocked a huge green loogy on the ground next to us. I looked down and there it was, so phosphorescent it could be radioactive. By the time I looked back at him he had pulled out his dick for me to suck. I gasped. Every fucking freckle you could imagine was on Orangey's prick. It's like all of them were in on some sort of freckle conspiracy and all fled his body to converge on his willy. The most speckled dick I have ever seen. I briefly thought of the dish "spotted Dick," and giggled under my breath. He looked into my eyes and knew that I was horrified of that ugly mucus dripping slug in front of me. Tears welled up in his eyes and he started jerking off and howling with sadness. He screeched and howled and wailed like a grieving woman, then suddenly ... he came, a thin, yellowy white string of jizz flew through the air and landed on my spiked boots with a thhhhwap. He grinned impishly, knelt down on all fours and licked it clean off my boot. I dropped the 50 bucks on his orange head and strode away, spikes digging into the cement with every concerted effort to leave that repulsive scene far behind.'

i had, with an exhausting effort, finished my task just as she finished her story. after i gave her the 50 bucks, i had her dial her phone number in my cell, then bid her a good day before climbing back into my truck to post a mumm for all my non-friendz.

alone, and lightly coated in sweat, i fired up my laptop like a lunatic.

'fuckit' i said aloud to no one, 'them running lights'll still be there tomorrow.'