Biker Chick's blog: "motorcycle wisdom"

Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The biker walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver," but 'til today, I ain't never seen nobody do it." LMAOOOO

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy biker bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw one of the bikers stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, & try his keys on five different bikes before he found his. Then, sat on the bike fumbling around several minutes, looking as if he might pass out right there. Everyone left the bar and rode off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the biker, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The biker replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

1. Every ride is optional. Every parking job is mandatory. 2. If you push the bars left, the bike goes left. If you push the bars right, the bike goes right. That is, unless you continue pushing the bars all the way, then the bike will go down. 3. Riding isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous. 4. It's always better to be on the sidelines wishing you were on the track than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines. 5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The rear wheel is just a big fan on back of the bike used to keep the rider cool and his/her butt relaxed. If going into a corner too fast, slamming on the rear brake causes the "fan" to abruptly stop. When this happens you can actually see the rider start sweating and his/her butt become tense. 7. When in doubt, slow down. No one has ever hit something too slow. 8. A 'good' ride is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' ride is one after which you can use the bike again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you've left the sidestand down when all left turn are Bat-turns. You know you've left the centerstand down when your in 1st gear at 4000 rpm going nowhere. 11. Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't get to three seconds earlier. 12. Always try to keep the number of times you put your sidestand down equal to the number of times you put the sidestand up. 13. There are two simple rules for riding smoothly and fast in snow and on ice. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 14. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 15. If all you can see in your mirrors is sparks and all you can hear is screaming from your passenger, things may not be as they should be. 16. In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and fiberglass going 100+ miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, large trucks, and animals taller than you. Draws don't count. 17. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. 18. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 19. Remember, gravity and centrifical force are not just a good ideas. They're laws and are not subject to appeal. 20. The two most useless things to a rider are the braking distance behind you and nine-tenth of a second ago. 21 you are the smallest vehicle on the road and no one is looking for you so grow eyes out the back and side of your head you will need them. And always ride safe.