this is what i sent the one i was talking about in my last blog please read and be honist about what u think i whould realy apresheatit thank you
When I think of you and my days are blue. Everything in the world seems out of reach. Then and only then I see myself the way I know I am meant to be all alone. In this world bye myself here in the middle of this wall I built around myself. At first I built it so I couldn't get hurt anymore, but that was 8 years ago. Now I keep it up I think so I can't get out and show my true feelings. I don't know how I would protect myself if it wasn't up but I would like to try. The only problem is that see I have only found one person that has even tempted me to try tearing the wall down. I don't know if it is even possible for her to love me. We have been friends for a really long time. I can't remember when we met but I do know that when I am not thinking of her in my spare time, I am thinking about the fun we have together her and the kids. When asked if she had any prospects for someone to go out with she says that she doesn’t know. She says nothing's broken with any of her relationships, so why try to fix them. I want to say is that just because something isn't broke don't mean that you don't tune it up or remodel it. I mean if your computer isn't dead don't mean you might not upgrade it. There is sometimes I would like to say to her that I have had a broken heart for 8 years. I think you could start help fix it. I think you could have the missing piece to complete my heart and life. That I have been deserted trying to for so long, but I know I have allot of personal things I got to work on before I can even ask anything like that. I know I need a job, money, away to find the confidence to ask if I may have a bigger part in your life. Then again just friends being together in relationships you have to be friends first. For one to last as long as u would like it. See some of the problems with relationships in this world. Is that people rush into things way to fast, and go with things they think they want instead of what they know they need, and or truly want if the world would just sit down and truly listen to your heart. You would see a big change I am not saying the world would be perfect, but it would not be the same if you would only look in to your heart. There would be allot of things that would change and you would be a whole lot happier. This whole train of thought came to me just the other night. When I was sitting there thinking about my life and where it is going. I found that I couldn't stop thinking how my actions as a kid and young adult would things be different. If I would have done things differently would it have changed? Would I have turned out the way I did. I miss the old days. The days when you could say and ask almost anything you wanted to with out being exiled, or looked down on for the rest of your life. I just wish that the world was back to those days. So I could just do what I tell other people to do. That's just to do what's in your heart, but the way I think I tell myself that if I do what's in my heart and I was wrong. I would have to run and not look back, because I could not forgive myself for being wrong. I know that people would tell me that it's wrong to think that way, but it is the way I feel. When I look in to my heart there are only thoughts of you. I know I could make things work and I know I could do allot of things that are good and help allot of people if they would only give me a chance. See my fear of being rejected is my biggest down fall to what I want to do. What I do truly want is the chance of being happy and bringing happiness to the ones I care the most about. You are at the very top of my list. I promise you this, if you would allow me the opportunity to be a bigger part of your life. I would cherish the ground you walk on for as long as were together. You will never feel any lack of love or the feeling of being needed. I love you Hun I'll always have, as a friend and as much more. There is no hiding it any more. Love is not being scared any more. Love is knowing that someone loves you back. Love is taking a chance on someone; love is being there for anything and everything that your partner may need. I just wish I could get the guts, Hun but yet I am still waiting to make the first move because I am to scare.
