Over 16,508,902 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?

Sassy Liz's blog: "Miss you Mom!!"

created on 02/13/2008  |  http://fubar.com/miss-you-mom/b188188

My Angel

Miss you Bad Mom... I lay here at night . wondering and wishing how my Mom is doing in heaven without me. Just wondering and thinking about the things she can see. I miss her down here.. I think back sometimes on the way that we used to be there wasnt a person in this world that could seperate us. I loved her dearly and she loved me the same. I cry so much when I think of her and I feel so horrible for it because I know its not fair to sit here and wish she would have never left when all she felt was pain and suffering. But I cant help but feel this way because Im down here now feeling this hurt and this pain because I no longer have the light of my world....my guardian angel...my rock. I have gone through alot in my last year of life but the hardest was definetly losing my Mom. Watching her slowly get worse and worse was like me waiting for a someone to stab me in my heart slowly watching them come closer and closer each day. It was the worst pain in the world the day I heard them say she had less then a week to live. I screamed inside THATS MY MOM YOU CANT HAVE HER....knowing in my heart it was best for her to not feel this pain any longer. I sat up with her all night looking over her to make sure she was going to be alright in the morning rubbing her back bringing her stuff keeping her company and doing the best I could to make her feel better but it seemed like no matter what I did I couldnt make her pain go away and It freakin killed me. they said mom has maybe a week to live. I fell to my knees bawling ...so many emotions flew thru my body.....my heart stopped everything stopped in that one moment. I could do was walk to my Mom and hug her and try my best to hold back the tears...she could tell i was sad and she asked me why are you crying?its like she had no reculection to the fact that she was dying. All i said was nothing Mom and kissed her and hugged her and walked out. I cried my eyes out all night long....couldnt sleep couldnt eat. Nothing. Well each day after that It was like I was numb I couldnt cry or anything ....all I could do was sit with my Mom hold her hand and love on her the most I could. There was even a point where I layed on bed beside her and read parts of the bible to her....there was one phrase that said God Will Never Put More on You Then You Can Handle and she squeezed my leg and I knew then that she did know what was going on she just couldnt physically show it or say it. It hurt.......everynite Mom tried to sleep she had my pillow on her side and my hand in her hand. Well the last nite my Mom was alive I remember the little bitty conversation we had ..and then she said it clear as a belll.....I LOVE YOU and those words stuck to me like glue....they hit me harder then anything else she EVER did or said. Mom wasnt doing so good. I sat there holding her hand with all these ppl srounding her and watched her ......slowly dying....she was taking hard gasps of air like she was choking on the fluid in her lungs.....she didnt even look like my Mom too me and all I could do was hold her hand. I couldnt cry I couldnt scream I couldnt do anything but stare at her.I watched my momma take her last breath.I couldnt even begin to explain to you the feelings I felt in that moment. It was like my heart had been torn and ripped and thrown around and stolen right from my body. This pain was so undescribable....It was the worst Ive EVER felt. I knew deep down god had her now but then again I didnt want him to have her. Lots of ppl came by and saw us and talked with us but none seemed to understand that no this wasnt okay and it would NEVER be okay. My Mom was gone . I miss her dearly to this day and I guess apart of me hurts.I miss her so bad .Its so different without her here I had her in mylife since I was a baby all the way up. I miss my momma dearly and I love her with all my heart. Im only hurting because I feel like there is this big hole in my heart where there used to be fufillment. I know she is in a happier place now and definetly a safer place but either way....I miss her and I wish I could here her opinions in my head right now. Cuz my life is going crazy and shes not here to hold me or to help me up each time I fall. I miss you Mm more than anything in this world and I love you. I respect you for the strength you had and the things you made me see in life and the things you taught me. I love you for everything you were and for everyting you made me to be. you alway be Best Mom in World anyone could ever have Love you Mom..

last post
4 years ago
posts
1
views
1,988
can view
everyone
can comment
everyone
atom/rss

other blogs by this author

blogroll (list of blogs that the blogger recommends)
8 years ago 
FuDarling 5k Rates by DarkNymph GMP  
official fubar blogs
 8 years ago
fubar news by babyjesus  
 13 years ago
fubar.com ideas! by babyjesus  
 10 years ago
fubar'd Official Wishli... by SCRAPPER  
 10 years ago
Word of Esix by esixfiddy  

discover blogs on fubar

blog.php' rendered in 0.0402 seconds on machine '6'.