AgentOrange's blog: "Mind The Gap"

Silence, when it’s awkward is the enemy of everyone. Words, when they’re hateful can make you feel like a child again. Thoughts, when they’re racing can send you over the edge. But these are the things that make the better times the best. These are the things that being faced, raise you above the rest. Tears caused by you because of something you said. Laughter caused by a mistake you made years ago. Things that never go away, remembered till this day. These are the things that remind us that we’re alive. Never will we trade these things, for they make us who we are. Hope, when it’s outrageous and unfounded. Luck, when it was needed the most. Love, after all the years of being alone. Safety, from all the bad things that happened before. These are the things that are gained from weathering the storm.

I shacked up with a cherry :> oh yeah oh yeah. And I'm insanely bored at the moment, wishing I were anywhere else but here. Well, as long as there were people I knew there. Anyone want to contribute to the "Get Agent Orange the hell out of her house" Fund...? I would sure appreciate it. You can donate in the form of car parts to fix the one that I have.. and online driving lessons... and.... I'm not sure what else. If you need me, I'll be in the closet.

It’s not what you do with your happiest moments that define you; it’s how you turn the sad moments into happy ones. Isn’t that a load of crap…. Kinda. There’s some truth to everything that is said, even if it is said in jest. And every real truth that you find in life can be a lie in the eyes of another. Be your own personal philosopher, for something that rings true to one, is a pile of shit to someone else. Even the densest person has at least one deep thought in their life. I hope, or else that would make what I’m saying a complete and utter lie. There isn’t a reason for the season unless you want there to be. And sometimes watching paint dry is the most exciting event in the world, as long as you’re getting paid. Whether it is money, life experience, the chance to learn, or to just be a complete fool for a few hours. It’s all worth it in the end. In someone’s eyes. I know I’ve basically repeated stuff that other people have said before, but at this moment in time, they ring true to me.

Ok, this just popped out of my head recently, and it's not all that put together. I want it to be, though. So please comment on the parts that you like, and the things that are utter shit. I would love to edit it into something worth while. Why do dresses make some girls feel like princesses and others feel like rejects? Is it natural selection or fate? Tomorrow, will I find my prince charming, or will I prick my finger on the proverbial spinning wheel? Nothing makes me happier than…oh, I don’t know. Nothing brightens my day like…shit I forgot. Nothing really matters except for…How much will therapy cost?! Shit I can’t afford that. Go talk to your barber or bartender, it’s cheaper, and you get something out of it. Maybe you really can fly…off the front porch. Maybe your dreams will lead you to answers…for tomorrow’s crossword puzzle. Maybe there is a secret message in your alphabet soup. But you’ll never listen. Never learn. Never fly. Never pay attention to the beauty in the day that is going by, Because that alphabet soup is so much more interesting than the sun that shines off of the lake outside your door. You can’t depend on fate, you can’t believe in yourself when you think you can fly. You can’t afford the alternative, and you feel depressed when everything’s all right.

Oh joyous event. This halloween, I dressed up in the dress that I modified and went to school to sit there for 2 hours doing economics homework... Then I came home and sat online.. At least I got english muffins and mints at school. What a treat.

Apparently my pants died today. I didn't notice until after I got home tonight, that there is a massive hole in my pants right under the arse. The hole is pretty huge about 6"x1.5" Sad day. I really liked these pants too.

Come-back Girl Hey beautiful, want to take a walk with me? Let’s just be together for a few hours and watch TV. I love you and you love me, let’s live together. Pay your rent? Make you happy? Meet your needs? I won’t tolerate the way you treat me anymore. It was great at first, but it’s not like that anymore. I don’t care for your excuses. They don’t work anymore. It’s over. I’m out of here. Gain some independence, why don’t you? We can’t go on the way we used to anymore. Nothing happens the way you want it to anymore. I’m not going to be your come-back girl anymore. Your toss-me-aside-then-try-to-pick-me-back-up girl. Your “let’s just pretend that never happened” girl. It happened, deal with it. The good old times are just that, OLD. You can’t make up for what happened back then. You run away then come back again. I won’t be waiting for you on the sidelines. Shove off. I wish it were that way. I’m too nice to push you away. Let’s just pretend that never happened. Can we take a walk or watch TV at your place? Oh you can’t make it, that’s ok. So it’s happened again, so it will be. I’m fed up with the way you always treat me. If I’m so important why don’t you act like you care about me? It’s all up to you, never up to me. When will I learn my lesson? I’m just another come-back girl. Push-me-away-then-pull-me-back-again girl. Let’s-start-over-it’ll-be-different-this-time girl. It’s over.

No human contact. I stand alone. It's just me and my thoughts. I stand alone. No friends. No fears. No problems. That's not possible. I fear solitude. I crave friends. I question myself. For there are no others. Like I said, I stand alone.

Silent mouths, talking hands, Spread joyful words throughout the lands. The mind speaks in a common tongue, One of silence that knows no bounds. Thoughts sweep across the valley as the setting sun. Conversation but no sounds. Our hands act out those thoughts we keep, Inside our heads meant never to speak. A soundless language shared throughout the lands, With silent mouths and talking hands.

Deep down in my soul is an awareness That is almost never shown. It is full of caring and hopefullness, Sympathy and understanding. But in this world that surrounds me, none of that is needed, For this is the time for space And the place for shallow thoughts and unheard of dreams. Dreams that never come out of that mind. That soul, I'm sure, is filled with an awareness, So much like my own. And those oh so brilliant dreams are wonderful I'm sure, But no one seems to care, For your dreams are not as noticed As the length of your hair Or the style of clothes you wear. If only those dreams were shared and coveted As openly as the words that pass from your lips, About the days most current gossip. If that were true, then the world would be changed, And we wouldn't all have to hide that awareness That wee all seem to have, But never care to share.