I moved here five years ago, moved here because I'd met someone online. Everything was going good with life till 5 months ago, She asked if he ex husband could move in till he could get back on his feet, Me being the type of person I am agreed not knowing that everything would change. More about that in a bit let me give you a little insight as to why the ex husband had a "need" to get back on his feet. in two words child support, He had not been paying any so it finally caught up to him he went to the pen for it, during his time in the pen she and him had been "pen pals" and a few phone calls, of which I should've got the hint then ( every time he'd call she would go to another room to talk) well time passes and one day she asked if it'd be ok for him to move in till he could get on his feet, This was May that he was released and moved in, That very day everything changed "I Love You" is never heard from her she shows absolutely no emotion toward me, Unless she wants sex...
Well I've tried saying something about it and how I feel, but I may as well be talking to a wall. Kids she has 6 of them, Up until he came around I had a feeling of being needed and wanted around but sense I feel like a third leg. The only time the kids even acknowledge my presence is if she is not here ( I do a lot of baby sitting now that the Ex husband is around) The only time she shows any emotion toward me is for sex. Now don't get me wrong sex is good but I don't base a relationship from sex. To be honest if I had to make a choice between feeling loved and sex, I'd go without.
We had a augment one time she said I was not making a effort to show love, So I took what she said into consideration, I made it a point to try harder (thinking it would matter I mean maybe I was the one not giving it 100%). I did I gave 110% nothing from her end changed, so I quit trying. I always thought Love was a two way street bot people have to give in order for it to work. Needless to say I find myself in a state of depression some times I'm able to shake it and get things off my mind, but most times it consumes me.
I have a longing for real love, I can't live like this, I won't live like this.
Is this what love is? Is this how love is suspose to feel? Maybe, oneday I'll know what true love is but not now...
