Kimi's blog: "matters of the heart"

in light of january being cervical cancer awareness month i feel the need to tell my story. In 2003 i went for what was to be a normal pap smear and it turned out to be anything but. i was unexpectedly called back to the doctor a week later about my test results. I was nervous going cause they dont tell you to come back in unless theres something wrong. i walked in and they said the doctor was waiting on me to go right back. i walked in the exam room and the doctor said "i have your test results here" At that time he said that the results showed i had cervical cancer. he said they had to do another test to see just how far this cancer was but he was setting me up with a specialist. The next few months were like a blur to me. At first they said that it didnt seem to be too far and could do a simple procedure and get rid of it. but as it was when i went in to have the simple procedure done they found that the cancer had spread to my uterus. I was devestated to say the least. i wondered what i had done to go through this. I was only 26 years old and here i was with cancer. The doctor said to me that the cancer is spreading quick and the only other thing they could do was perform a complete hysterectomy on me.  I was young had no children and desperately wanted a child of my own some day. i finally decided to have the hysterectomy, which was one of the hardest decisions i've ever had to make. They put me on medication that would hopefully slow the cancer down from spreading so quick. Unfortunately my hysterectomy was scheduled for 8 months away. during those months i was very sick and felt alone and very scared. I felt as if i was loosing all faith, strength and hope that I ever had, even though i knew that if i wanted to ssurvive i had to stay strong and fight. I finally had my hysterectomy in the middle of 2004. The cancer was so close to my kidneys by the time they did my hysterectomy that i had to have some radiation after wards. i had i think 4 radioation treatments and Thank god I have been Cancer free since. I got get checked every 3 months and i pray every day i wake up that the cancer does not return. I am writing this to spread the word. Cancer does not look at age or gender. Please help me support all cancers in hope that someday they will find a cure.

The 24th Is going to be a really hard day for me. I have learned that it's best to tals about how you feel but then again on the otheer hand it's almost like i am scared to talk about it. I have always been like this some stuff on the surface i can talk about but the other stuff i am scared to.