I'm better than you cause I'm me. But don't worry, cause to you, you're a me which makes you better than me cause now you're a me and I'm a you! Get it? Perspective you bitches!

I'm 29, I'm an underachiever, I'm frustrated... If how my cat turned out is any indication of my child rearing abilities, I probably shouldn't reproduce. Both of my parents have blonde hair, that's right...I'm living, breathing proof of the punnett square. I am a narcissist, so I would like to meet people with a low enough self esteem and the right amount of self hatred that are able and willing to listen to me talk about myself for the rest of eternity

I like to participate in drive by shootings with water pistols while bumping to heavy metal music, I have NO love for ho's, and I still maintain that Mr. Rogers was an allright guy. I'm the kind of dude that'll do the "worm" at the dance club just to crack my friends up and make others around stare uncomfortably. I love Karaoke, I loved the 80's, and I love you.

I am currently in recovery for sex addiction, so ladies, we will adhere to a strict dating plan. I will not put out until after the fourth date, and if you play your cards right you could end up making out with me in an alley behind a dumpster. I am a hopeless romantic... I know women like men that are a challenge, so I have a tattoo on my arm that says faggot.

My ideal dream woman is a lady who can handle a high level of disappointment. Ladies, I do have a reputation in the bedroom I am known as two pelvic thrusts and a quiver. Then, there is my ackward finishing face followed by some karate chops and howling.

See I do a character in the bedroom called ninjawolf who was raised by wolves and then later by ninjas. I do this to distract you until I can get it back up again.

My carpet in my house was getting kind of filthy and disgusting, and I thought to myself, "You know, Carpet Fresh looks an awful lot like cocaine." So I start to put cocaine all over my carpet and I invite the cast of Saturday Night Live over for a party. They took care of the dirt and grime, now my house smells like cheesy satire. Imagine that