Nasine47's blog: "Make A Big Move"

-I have been attending the First Baptist Church of Kenmore for over a decade now. I have had many great memories and even a few saddening ones as well. I have witnessed many great men come to and leave the church. Brother Duff, Brother Tiger, Brother Walker, and my favorite person, of all of the people who have ever came and left, Brother Joe Snow.

     -In his duration while attending the FBC, he started a teen event titled, "My Church", all of them having a different theme. The My Church that I find most memorable, was the one named, "Finding Your Purpose". His main points that he expressed were; What is your purpose? What are you doing for God? If you don't know your purpose at this moment, are you even trying to figure it out? The next day, after I came home from school, I was sitting around, being lazy, playing video games, and that's when it really hit me. I was remembering Brother Joe's sermon, and I asked myself those questions. And sadly, I couldn't answer a single one. I stopped playing the game, prayed, and told God that if He really had a purpose for me, I needed His help to find it, because I knew I couldn't find it on my own. I told Him that whatever He does with my life was okay with me because He knows what's best for me.

     -That week I had a talk with my mentor, Mr. Adam Flossie, about growing up, and he said that maybe I should try to look for a job, and I decided that it was a good idea. Later that week, he took me to apply at many places around where I live. After about a week or so, I got three phone calls, from three different companies, which was quite surprising, because of how the economy is. I had an interview at Parasons, Subway, and the Carousel Dinner Theater. After going through all of the processes, I got accepted at both the Carousel and Subway. After sitting down, and comparing the two jobs advantages/disadvantages, I decided to go work at the Carousel. After being there for a short time, I thought that maybe God wanted me to try save the souls of my co-workers. I told myself if that was really my duty, I would make sure I had all of the right verses and courage to do so, before I would try. After a few months passed by, it was announced to us that the Carousel was being shut down.

     -Upon it closing, I then once again prayed to God, telling Him that if that wasn't my real purpose, then what is? I want to help others get to heaven, but I feel that I'm not called to be a pastor, because I want to serve God as soon as possible, and becoming a pastor takes great time and knowledge. I don't have quite enough skill and background to become a missionary or evangelist either. Then I realized that the easiest and simplest thing, yet still a big thing to do for God, is to teach the death, the burial, and the resurrection, of Jesus Christ, or as many know it as, the gospel. I have a huge passion for helping out others and a big desire for adventure. I prayed day after day, asking God, what can I do, or where can I go, so that I may be able to use my talent of always wanting to help, and fulfill my thrill of adventure? Until finally it came to me. While releasing intense tears and deep prayer one evening, God Spoke to me spiritually. It's as if God Himself has lit a flame within my entire existence, and I'm burning with the sensation to serve Him.

     -I truly feel that God has called me to leave the country, move to Africa, and spread the plan of salvation throughout the land as soon as possible. I may or may not be giving a speech about my decision, I haven't quite decided yet. If I do decide to give one it will either take place in a gymnasium, or another location. The speech will consist of serving God, charity, confidence, faith, being strong, stead fast, promises of God, antagonists, not being fearful, and some other topics.

     -I have my budget planned out to where i have to save up at least $100 a week to save up for the plane ticket. The cost of the plane ticket will cost somewhere around $2,700. I will also have to obtain a passport, which costs around $150. As I worked all of this out, I should have the money I need saved up by September 20th. I am not going to ask anyone for financial support, because I want to show God that I am truly dedicated to this choice and I need to make sure that this is what God really wants me to do. I used to have a bad problem with not saving up money, but luckily, I know someone who has helped me get rid of that bad quality. I told my friend "Money" Matthew Simpson that saving up money is hard. And him being himself said, "That's one of the stupidest things I have ever heard you say. It's not hard to save up money, you just got to not spend it on junk that you don't need. You should put at least a good portion of your check into a bank account so you have something to fall back on in case you need it for something important that comes up or if you lose your job." After he said this to me, it really made me think about saving up, in case what he said was true. Again, it made me think, I just thought about it, but I didn't take any instant action, like I should have. I should have heeded his caution, but I was too foolish to do so. So while working at the Carousel, I blew pretty much every paycheck that I got, and saved up very little. When the time finally came when the Carousel was shut down, and I lost my job, I felt so stupid for not doing so. I never really admitted to him that I should have listened to what he told me, but inside I knew it. So it was because of him, that I now save up most of my paycheck every week.

     -A lot of my free time now consists of doing some more research about where I'm going to move to at first, it's going to be a good part of Africa, where I can easily obtain a job. After arriving in Africa, I am going to work, save up money, try to save some souls, and do more Bible reading, for at least a couple years. After this time I will then do more detailed research and studying of different parts of Africa, to look over myself and what I know about the land. If I feel that I am ready, I will move to a different village and continue my journey.

     -I just want to get a few facts across. I'm not looking to seek the approval of any man here on Earth, because the only one that I need, is the approval of God Himself, for He is the only one that can judge me. I fear nothing about anything to come, dealing with my life or my uttermost goal, because I realize that if something does happen, it's because God intended for it to happen, because it is just part of His plan. All in all, I'm finally at a peaceful state of mind. I've discovered that in order for me to increase my faith in God, it's now my time, to make a big move.

     -Previous to this letter, I have told some of my closest friends about my choice. I have had some of them show me nothing but happiness and support, but I have also had some of them not do the same. They said different things like; Aren't you too young to go that far just yet? Aren't you scared of going there and getting killed by some opposing residents of the land? How do you know you'll even be able to get a job, clothes, food, and a place to stay? And to people like this, I just gave them a simple answer. I am now 18 years old, soon to be 19, which means that I am now a new young man, and I need to prove to myself that I can become a truer and more mature man, with the current time and future time to come. And look at David Livingstone, he went to Africa at a very young age himself, and became the Pathfinder of Africa. Livingstone was attacked by natives, a lion even nearly ripped his arm off, but he opened a path into the land of Africa, to allow future missionaries to have a decent start. If I were to arrive in Africa and end up getting killed after a long time, short time, or even as I step off of the plane, it only means one thing. While on this planet serving God, I was only simply getting to see Him through His creations here on His Earth, for only a destined time, but by dying I will get to see His creations in His Heaven, and finally be able to see Him face to face, for an unlimited time. The truth is that I cannot find a job, clothes, food, and a place to stay. It's pointless for me to even try, I can't do it, so why should I attempt to do this? However, this is where my faith comes into action. For the amazing thing is that God is going to be with me, and help guide me, so that I may find these things that I will need upon my arrival, for if I were doing this by myself, I would fail, and probably end up just dying. That's the beauty of my goal. I'll be using God's hands, God's feet, so that He will lead me and show me the way, day after day, after day.

     -Honestly, if I had the plane ticket and passport, I would leave next week, with no fear whatsoever. Every time I think about going to Africa, and what it's going to be like, I get so excited on the inside and get a tingly feeling, and a smile smeared upon my face. I do realize that this may not go so smoothly when I first get there, but that does not discourage me at all, for I know that I cannot rely on my own wants and desires but I must obey and honor God's Will and time line and He will work everything out for me. What I am doing is my choice, and nobody but God Himself, can change my mind, no matter how much discouragement I receive from anybody before my time of departure, I'm remaining steadfast with my decision.

     -There have been a few things some people have said to me over this last year that have really made me study myself and analyze who I truly am.

     -The first person that had an impact on me was a very successful man who owns numerous car dealerships, who's named Mike Marshall. While I was with Mr. Marshall and his family on July 13th 2008, enjoying life, and having a cookout, he said something that really struck me. He said, "You know Emmanuel, you're a great young man. I think Adam, Ben, and Matt invest in you so much, because they see something good in you. You're always offering to help people out all the time, you got a good heart. I myself sense something good in you. Don't lose that, I think you can get far in life and be something good someday." After hearing this, and going home later that evening, I thought about what he said. Good? What's really so good about me? I mean, sure I do offer to help out others a lot, but isn't that what humans are supposed to do all the time? To me, life is like a race, and we're all participants in it, and the race is everybody in the world against satan. If you have a friend that needs help with something minor like moving, running errands, fixing their house, etc, its pretty much like when the racer gets a cup of water from the bystanders, because without that little water (help), the racer may become discouraged or dehydrated, and have to give up, losing the strength to make it to the next checkpoint. I feel that spreading the gospel is like the racer making it to his or her next partner, and handing him or her a golden blessed baton, so they have the ultimate strength to continue to run unwavering for their remaining time of their run. But that's something that I'm not even doing a good job at, so how do I have a good heart? Where are these good sense vibes that he's receiving from me? And because of his words to me, it helped me to keep searching within myself, what I could become.

     -In August 2008, I had a small problem at my home. My older sister Amy came home drunk with her friend, who was also drunk, and they were being loud and woke my mother up from her slumber. My mother got upset and yelled at Amy, and told her to go to bed. Amy started "tripping", her friend and her went down to the basement to her room. And she just keep saying evil things like she hated her, she was going to kill her, and just kept cursing. I was afraid that she might really try to hurt her, so I couldn't even fall back asleep. I didn't want my mother to get hurt, yet I didn't want to lose my temper and hurt Amy too bad. I started crying as it started to become to much to bear, for I didn't know what I should do. It was around 1 a.m., I picked up the phone, called my friend/old teacher/mentor "Abrasive" Adam Flossie and asked if he could come get me. He said he was on his way, and I prayed to God for Him to look over my mother after I leave so that nothing may happen to her. He soon arrived, I got into his car, he asked me what was wrong, and I told him. While confused, crying, and crushed, he said, "Bad things like this happen in different families. But you know that you have God here to keep your head up. And I'm here for you because I care." After hearing those words come from his mouth, it made me cry even harder, but they weren't tears or sadness but tears of joy. There have been times in my life when I have felt that nobody besides God has cared for me, but hearing him say it himself, in person, made me happy. Shortly after that day, I came across a verse that I will remember Adam by. "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me: no man cared for my soul." - Psalm 142:4. For I know that there is at least one person out in this big universe that does care for my soul, because I heard it come from his mouth.

     -The next person that gave me encouragement is a great young man who attends the infamous Akron Baptist Temple, who's not only a great Christian but also a great friend, who's name is Aaron Radebaugh. On February 3rd 2009, I was telling Aaron that I just can't stand it when people get on your nerves, won't leave you alone, cause you pain, or just don't quit messing with you. He simply said, "Some people are like that, but you just got to brush them haters off and move on." And the simplest statement made by him, really made me think for the rest of that day. How can you just easily get rid of or dust away those who cause you pain, with no worries or troubles while doing so? But then I thought about the Bible and what he said combined with some verses, I believe that I finally lost my fear. One of the verses being, "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." - Luke 10:19. So I think I have finally gotten over all fear because I see it simply like this... If I get hurt, jumped, or discouraged by anyone, it was in God's Will to happen to me, I just got to get up, physically and/or mentally, and keep on moving. I'm not even scared of death now, because when it happens, it was just my time to go, to be in glory with God.

     -It was February 18th 2009, and I left work around 9:30 p.m., I had missed my bus but it was okay because I had to get a few items from Acme. As I got on the next bus, and spotted my co-worker Brandy Smyers, who had closed that night, I asked her if she minded if we talked, and said it was fine. I sat down, and we started talking about different things. At about 10:33 p.m., we got on the topic of her family. She proceeded to say, "My little brother Michael has been in and out of correctional facilities since a very young age. I feel that it's like when you get locked up at such a young age, you also get locked up mentally young as well. Since you're in the inside a lot, you don't really have enough time and experience to know how to handle yourself the correct way when you get out, so you get caught up in doing wrong things again, and end right back in the place you came out of, or an even worse place." After hearing this I evaluated myself that night before going to bed. I've been going to church for sometime over ten years, and I know about doing right and doing wrong, but how am I really showing it to others that I am trying to do good, and grow up as a Christian. It's as if I myself am locked up spiritually at a young age and am unable to gain the experience that I long for. I need to make a spiritual jail break, and get out into the real world, so that I may "grow up".

     -One day while sitting in Sunday School, something else was said that made me think. It was March 22nd 2009, and Brother Randy Conley said, "You usually remember the bad times more than the good times." And I later thought about that in which he said. I found out that I have never really had any bad times in my life, that were really memorable. It seems like in my life, pretty much everything has been handed to me, and I have never really had any big struggles that I had to overcome. So if I have never had a bad trial in my life, how can I really cherish what God has given me? I feel that you will appreciate life, if you almost lose it. You will appreciate food and water, if you are starving and dehydrated. You will appreciate your freedoms, when you start to lose them. You will appreciate light, when it's too dark for you to see. You will truly appreciate God, when you have a difficult problem in your life. As for me, I have never had a big enough problem to fully appreciate everything He has done for me. I want to go to Africa and come upon some bad obstacles, so that God can help me get through them, and I can expand my love for Him through those bad experiences that He helps me to overcome.

     -I received another statement while at church. It was on May 3rd 2009 at 1:22 p.m., there was a small cookout for some of the bus kids on Mrs. Vance's bus route, at the church playground. I was talking to Brother Ralph L. about life after graduation, and he said, "You just got to try harder than those that make a commitment but don't make it." This statement is coming from a good man that works three different jobs during the week, so he's got to be pretty tired quite often. He could easily stay home a Sunday to rest up, from being so exhausted because of working so much, but does he? As a matter of a fact he doesn't. He gets up early Sunday morning, and prepares for church, arrives there early, and picks up bus children. After church, and after dropping the children off, he heads home to maybe fit in a quick nap. Then around 5 p.m., he's back at the church and picking up adults with the van for the evening service, and later drops them off after the service is over. He then heads home, to get as much sleep as possible, before having to start his busy workweek once again. That right there my friend, is a commitment, so he has the right to say something like that, but I feel that I can't proudly say the same for myself. I'll admit that I have missed out on church and other events in life, because of being too tired and not trying harder to make it there. I think that if I do really try to follow all the way through with my commitment of moving to Africa, I can make it, because I know that I won't have to do it alone, for I have God to push me on if I ever want to stop. And with Him, I can accomplish any dedication that I make in my life.

     -The next person actually inspired me with two different statements, on the same day, at two different times. I was going with a few friends out to eat, and the first saying happened on May 3rd 2009 at 12:14 a.m., while in the car of the lovely Carrie Brown she said, "Always put forth the best effort you have. People will appreciate that." Sometimes I think to myself that I have really put in a lot of efforts for people, so that they may appreciate me, so that I may gain their respect. But after she said that, it made me think even deeper. I put good efforts towards helping others, but what kind of efforts am I putting forth for God? He's my creator, savior, Heavenly Father, and watcher, and I have never really made any big efforts to show Him how much love I have for Him. Which is another reason why I feel so strong about moving to Africa, because it will open that door to release my efforts, so that God may appreciate them, and smile because of them. Then at 1:34 a.m., when we were at the restaurant, sitting down, she said something that made me feel really good and confident about myself. "You know, you have a unique personality, don't ever change that, it may get you far at whatever you want to try to do with your life. There's something special about you. Even though you're often quiet, I can really see you being a dark horse." Many people don't know what a dark horse is but it's a little known person or thing, or someone not taken seriously, who emerges to prominence. And prominence is to do or show that you can reach big heights, or the action of proving to others that you are able of accomplishing a goal in which they never could have believed you were capable of reaching. Sometimes I often think to myself, what is a real friend? Who are my real friends? Do the people I come across, people I know, or those that I call friends, take me seriously? My guess is probably not. That's because I have never really took any serious actions that others could view, and say, hey, he's a serious person. I even won the senior superlative of shyest male senior. I feel that I've been calm, content, and collected my whole life, so that I may be able to release it when I'm ready, and I feel that this time is now upon me. It is time for me to take the title of being a dark horse, and showing my prominence to not impress people, nor make myself feel fulfilled, but to prove myself to God.

     -One thing that really upsets me is when people say that they don't have the talent, or power to do something, I just want to laugh and/or yell at them. I mean sure, you are born with some skills that you excel at, but what you are born with, is not all that is obtainable in your life. As you get older, you have the capability of developing new skills that you can greatly use to your benefit. You just got to learn what it is that you're missing from your list of attributes, and find out how you can work on it, to make you a better person. As far as having power, most people only focus on either political or physical power, but they overlook two other even greater forms, mental power and spiritual power. Many people come into this world with no political power and little physical power but have became someone great. Take Bill Gates for an example. He wasn't born into a family of mighty political power, he was just a normal, typical man. He was, and still is no macho man by any means, he's just a short, scrawny man. But because he put forth his best efforts, and he didn't let nobody discourage him, he's now one of the richest people in the world.

     -I know that I have no political power whatsoever, and I am not built with tons of muscles, but I have high levels of power in the other two forms. I was born with almost no spiritual power, but I have received it gradually while growing up. I may sometimes become scared or feel alone, but I can use my spiritual power to lift me up, for I know that God is with me, and He will give me the uplifting I need to continue and get done anything I set my mind to. I used to be medium leveled at my mental power but somebody has helped me boost it up quite a bit. I used to quite often always worry about how others viewed me. And almost every talk I had with this spectacular man, contained the same moral every time. Majority of the time I would end up saying something like, but I don't want her/him/them to think that I'm scared, weird, disappointing, etc. And "Bionic" Ben Flossie would always say, "Don't worry about what others think about you. You just do you, and do whatever you want to, not what they want you to, life's not about how others see you, but how you see yourself, that's all that matters." It took me a long time but I was finally able to grasp this concept and apply it to my life. And I found a verse that I can remember him by since he helped me realize this. "Ye shall not do after all the things that we do here this day, every man whatsoever is right in his own eyes." - Deuteronomy 12:8. The non-believers in me may outweigh those who do feel that I can make it, but it doesn't worry me, because I wasn't placed here on this Earth to please them, but to please myself and my God. I think that mentally now, I am one of the most empowered people in the world, in my mind's eye.

     -I have always found it kind of funny anytime I have spotted something or someone saying to follow your dreams. To me that really doesn't make too much sense. If you spend your whole life following your dreams, how will you ever make them come true? The statement seems like it could really be saying, "If you feel like a faithless, hopeless, underachiever, cowardly, low will-powered person, follow your dreams." I don't want to go through my whole life trying to find my biggest desires, but never reaching them before I pass away. I really don't like the kind of people who say that they're going to do this, go here, or be this, but never really do it. They know how to talk the talk of fullness, but they walk the walk of foolishness. I feel that I used to be like that, but not anymore. I don't know about those who say they're going to do something but don't go through with their word, but that's no longer me. Whatever commitment I make to do in my life, I'll complete it as long as I set my full heart on getting it done. I don't want to never reach complete happiness, so I'm not going to follow my dreams, but I'm going to lead them.

     -When I have told my friends about my choice of not going to collage, they have often asked me; Don't you want to grow up, become rich, own your own house, a nice car, be set for life financially, so that you will always be happy and have no worries? In the inside of my mind, I just shake my head at these silly questions. Money means nothing to me. The only need I have of money is for shelter, clothes, food, and any hygiene products. I don't care about having a fancy house, a flashy car, or any other entertainment gadgets or doodads. All of these items are just materialistic pieces of junk, that I will end up losing because of it eventually breaking or me passing away and not being able to use them anymore. So why should I spend my money on things that will get me nowhere in life? I'd rather spend it on things that will help make me happy on the inside, not the outside. I can't see into a heart of another person, so I can't answer for them, but I know money and expensive things don't make my heart happy. The world can keep all of the wealth and stupid pieces of man made items it has to offer me, I don't want or need it. Since I already know that when I die, I can't take anything with me, what's the point of having it for such a short time in my temporary existence? I know that when I get to paradise, I will receive more than I could ever want. Streets of gold, no pain, no suffering, being able to skip diamonds down the beautiful crystal clear rivers and waters, my own mansion, whatever else there is in store for me, and the best thing of all, being able to see God Himself everyday for eternity. Really, how grand is that? More grand than anything here on this planet, in this solar system, in this galaxy, in any galaxy, or in the entire universe itself. Do want to know something though? I will be rich on this world. Not financially, but high classed in happiness, wealthy in wisdom, and set for life in Jesus. And nothing, and I mean nothing, is richer than that.

     -Who am I really? No one knows quite who or what they are. The memories you have, and the role you were assigned, are burdens you had to carry. It doesn't matter if they were real or not, that is never the point. There's no such thing in the world as absolute reality. Most of what they call real, is actually fiction. What you think you see, is only as real as your brain tells you it is. Then what am I supposed to believe in? What am I going to leave behind when I'm through? We can tell other people about having faith, what we had faith in, what we found important enough to fight for. Its not whether you were right or wrong, but how much faith you were willing to have, that decides the future.

     -It has always been my mindset that the chain of life is made out of what you sow and reap. I believe that when you sow a thought, you reap a belief. When you sow a belief, you reap an action. When you sow an action, you reap a habit. When you sow a habit, you reap a lifestyle. When you sow a lifestyle, you reap your destiny. I have followed this process up to the point where I have reaped my lifestyle, and the time of sowing, is once again at hand. It is time for me to find my destiny.

     -Everything you have felt, fought about, in your life, is yours, and what you decide to do with it, is your choice. Choose your own legacy, its for you to decide. I know that nobody is perfect, and we all have limitations. But I've discovered that limitations can be turned into opportunities for God. And not any too serious limitations have ever reached my heart. One day in church I recall evangelist Brother John Francis saying that of all the young people that say they are going to become a missionary, evangelist, or do something big for God, only about 5% really do it. And well, I'm one of those young men, from that 5%.

     -I'll pick my own reputation, my own life, and find something worth passing on. Do I have any regrets? Just one. Leaving everybody that has helped me get to where I am today. But I'm not too saddened about it. For I know those people will stay with me mentally and spiritually always. They will also be within the depths of my soul and heart forever. Who knows? Maybe our roads will cross again some day.

     -Instead of taking a street that others have already treaded on, I'm going to make a new trail, a new path, in hope that maybe one day, others that also want to try to make a change, may follow. We inherited freedom from all of those who have fought for us. We all have the freedom to spread the word, even me.

     -Who am I really? I wouldn't know, but I guess we're going to find out together, aren't we?