You know what, I’m going to break it down. Life, it’s crazy. Love, it’s even crazier. When it’s thick, it subsumes you, and sometimes you become powerless to it. When you find yourself at that state, you live to love, you breathe to love, and sometimes you even hate that you love. The worst part is how suddenly it hits you. You wake up on day, and you realize that you’ve lost your heart to that person, you’ve lost yourself to that person, and most importantly, you’ve lost your soul to that person. If that person is deserving of it all, it’s beautiful, and swallows you both whole; but, unfortunately, sometimes that person shouldn’t have ever been trusted with any of it from the start. I once read that love is not a conscious choice of the mind, but an unconscious occurrence of the heart. Bullshit. Love is a choice. Everything you do in your life is in one way or another a result of a choice you consciously and intentionally made at some point. The brain is a powerful tool, and it can be trained into believing anything you want it to. The first thing it needs to learn is that you complete you. Once you reach that peace within, everything else will just fall into place. Feelings can be so deceiving. I’ve realized that those who claim they “like” are usually merely lusting, those who claim they “love” are usually merely obsessing, those who claim they “care” are usually merely wanting more, those who are “assholes” are usually just insecure little boys afraid to show their true feelings, the “nice guys” are usually the real heartbreakers, and the “shy guys” are usually undercover sex addicts/whores. A very wise woman once told me to “stay away from men that have too much love for looks, money, and sex.” The problem is, doesn’t everyone crave those things? To me, it seems to be the pitfall of human nature. I’ve realized that everything I hate about the two men I’ve fallen in love with, are really just reflections of various aspects of myself that I am unhappy with. How am I supposed to stay away from a man who doesn’t look for “looks” in a woman when I obsess over mine? How am I supposed to stay away from a man who loves “money” when I spend mine like its going out of style? How am I supposed to stay away from a man who loves “sex” when, well, I’m not even going to go there. The point is, judging someone on such arbitrary standards is just stupid to me. To me regardless of who you are, or what you do, love is respect. Love is understanding. Love is needing, and not wanting. Love is felt, and not spoken. Love is expressed, and not suppressed. And most of all, true love is letting go of the bastard when you realize he doesn’t deserve your love, because, in the end, true love is learning to love yourself.
