Straight Up!
Current mood: rejected
I like this guy!
But he is driving me crazy! Pushing me away!
I'm usually calm and shit doesn't get under my skin. But it's like he is there then the next couple days he isnt. So it's making me stress. He says he really likes me but he never really seems to show me.
I kinda want thinngs to workout and he all happy and gay. But I'm getting to the point where I don't wanna wait on his ass anymore and I'm thinking about going back to what I had and forget about the thing that could make me the happiest I probally could ever be. But I'm not stressing.
It will all resolve I hope. Well I know it's not going to resolve in my favor. But hey a girl can dream can't she.. Well I dont wanna be a bugg cause I hate people who are and I have never been that in my life. I feel like I would be the happiest with this person. That they could be the one. But they are changing me. I'm not the same person I have been my whole life. That bothers me.
Usually I'm a layed back kind of person. Nothing tends to get under my skin. People can tell me pretty much anything and it wouldnt bother me. But with his person, I'm turning into a worry nag! I hate it. But I like how I feel when I talk to them. Like time stands still. Everyone else isnt even alive. I love it. But I'm stressing. Fine, I admit it. I really want this. I think I have found the one but the one seems to have better things to do. I want him.! I want him! I tell him I'll wait for him, that we will make it.. But part of me knows that it is never going to happen. It kinda kills me a little bit everytime I think about it.
I don't know what to do. I don't wanna go without them and always wonder what could have been and how wonderful. At the same time.. I want it to.. But I don't wanna wait. I want to wait but I can't . It's not fair. I want to have everything that I want but I know it's selfish but I don't care! I want him! I want him more than anything i have ever wanted in my whole life. That's why it doesnt make sense. Why him! What makes him so special.. ohh wait .. I know.. its him we are talking about. I could have a shorter list of things I hate about him. Which is only like 2 or 3 things. But they are probally my fault anyway!
AHH! GOD HELP ME! It's getting me really sad. For I don't know what to do.
Should I stand here and wiat helplessly for him to come to me and die inside. Or should I go after him and push him away from me.. or should I grab him while I still can..
I don't know.. I'll probally just stand here like a idot and let him go.. I think that is the best thing to do. Let him do his thing and be happy. I hope he is. I hope he can forget all the lame things I told him. All of my dumb little girl feelings. For I really ment them all.. thats the sad thing.
But I have to let him go. Like it or not.. Cry all night and chill tomarrow and think. How lame huh! I've turned in to a mush! I fell for someone who I can't have. NEVER in my life have I ever done that! it's getting to the point where its starting to piss me off and I wanna jump.. and .. ya.. well..
I've talked abot enought shit.. I'm tried and not in the mood.. night..
