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What are you waiting for?
Been told a lot lately about how I need to like myself more and be ok with being alone. So that get's me thinking, If I was happy being by myself, why the hell would I want anyone else around?
You'd think it would get easier being alone as time passes, especially getting out of a life that was stressful at its best and violent at its worst. But being alone gets harder every day. I lived this way for years before and it drove me to the edge of ending everything. I can only hope this time will be easier.
I'll never understand how people can believe in things that just can't be real, even when all evidence proves them wrong. They continue to cling to the belief in ghosts, gods, aliens, or government having any positive value to society.
At the same time I'm supposed to believe that there's some way I can ever find someone and be happy, even when all the evidence says the opposite. I'm expected to cling to some hope that if I just change the right things in my life and hold on long enough things will change. I've tried all my life, even thought there was hope for awhile, but nothing ever really changes. I've done everything I can.
I'm tired of being alone, but I can't take having hope and losing it again. I don't see anything that can change things at this point. All I can do try and forget what it felt like to have hope, because it was never real.
