Jimmy's blog: "life"

Ok so here it goes.  I am 25, single, unemployed and a father of a Beautiful Daughter that i haven't even got to see for almost 2 weeks.  I'm not writing this because i want to blame anyone for how i turned out or anything i just want to be heard hopefully.  

I grew up without a father in my life. i blamed him for everything when i was growing up, like us being poor and going without and all that.  but looking back on everything i realize that it wasn't just my fathers fault that he wasn't there.  it was as much as my mothers as it was his.  i met him for the first time in september of 2010, i met him before but i could never look at him and i would just walk away from him.  that was the first time i spoke to him in person, and honestly after only talking to him for five minutes i could see how much we were simular in apperance and just about every aspect in our lives up to that point, even without having him there.  this past october i flew out to arizona because i thought that he was going to die in the hospital.  thankfully he didn't and is in remission and everything.  and thats all i want to say about him.

i guess next i woul like to talk about my mother and out relationship.  when i was growing up my mother was my hero, she took care of five kids and worked two part time jobs to get us by.  she did everything for us, our laundry, cooking, cleaning, you name it she did it.  well when i was about 12 or something like that she had got bitten by a spider on her foot and if it wasn't for my grandmother she would have prolly died.  because of the spider bite we found out that my mom is diabetic and she was on the verge of losing her foot and all that.  when i was in elevnth grade i wrote her a poem and framed it and gave it to her for christmas.  that was the first time i seen her cry after opening a gift and reading it.  she is a very strong woman and doesn't cry all that often or admit that she is sick or anything like that.  i hope one day that i am as strong as her.  

next i have my brothers and sisters, they are Tammy, Regina, Hank and Richard.  first of all i have to thank them all for helping me in some part of my life.  second i have to say that if i never saw them all again i don't think i would care.  ever since each one of them became adults they have all turned thier backs on me and each other because of the dumbest shit.  and the thing that pisses me off the most about my family is that i tried so fucking hard to be the glue that held us together for the longest time and i never got thanked once by any of them.  i was never really close with my oldest sibling Tammy, she had this holeir than now complex that she got from hanging out with all the rich preppy people in her grade.  she is 30 and will still throw herself on the floor and wine and cry if she doesn't get her way.  when i was growing up i was only close to Richard really because we where really close in age, thats not to say that we didn't have our fights and shit.  but all in all he was the one i trusted the most and could tell him anything.  my brother Hank has always been an asshole and will die and asshole.  but he knows thats how he is and he's ok with it.  Regina has always been kinda nuetral to me because we would fight but not that much and we just kind of stayed out of each others way and we were happy with it.  

and now on to ME, Jimmy.  like i said when i opened this, i'm 25 and all that.  my biggest fear in life is that i will never find someone to share my life with and i will die alone.  in febuary my wife is filing for divorce and we have been seperated since the end of July 2011.  i have no luck in the month of July even though i was born on the 11th of that month.  i have been dumped more times in the month of July then i can count, i know its bad right, but its whatever.  anyways i have always been more of a free spirit compared to my family.  i was the one with the crazy hair cuts and really got into tattoos and piercings.  i have 19 tattoos and have had 5 facial piercings and have my ears gauged.  i remember as a child seeing people with piercings and all that and thinking it was the coolest fucking thing in the world.  in high school i didn't belong to any group of people.  i had two really close friends that were in other cliques even from each other and we just got along like brothers.  i have fought with both of them and i can honestly say that i love both of them.  

i'm tired of people sterotyping me as something i'm not.  yes i have tattoos and i really dig piercings and all that.  to tell you the truth i don't do drugs or drink.  the one thing that i do is smoke cigerettes.  and i'm not saying that i'm better than anyone because i don't do drugs or drink, its just not for me and shit.  i have smoked pot in the past but all it did was make feel sick to my stomach or fall asleep.  and i never really saw the point of doing anything harder than that.  

as far as my love life has gone i have been really picky when it comes to woman.  i like a certin type and i don't really stray away from it all that far.  maybe its because i'm so fucking picky that it takes me awhile in between relationships.  and when i fall in love i fall hard.  i don't know if its becase i'm irish or something but i would rather stay in a bad relationship than be alone.  maybe it was seeing the way that my mom really didn't have a life other than us kids that i put a relationship before everything else, who knows.  

i was with my wife for about three years before she decided to call it quits and all that.  i don't blame her for leaving me though, that was the part that my family never got.  i blamed myself, like if i could have been better she wouldn't have left me.  but its whatever.  and i know that i'm not over her completly but i'm on my way there, i can only do it one day at a time.  and i have to thank the person who played me for a fool for making me see that there might actually be someone out there for me.  although that blew up in my face i still have to thank them.  

so thats my story for now and i might come back and do another one sometime. and if you do read this feel free to comment on it, i don't really care what you have to say but would like to read it anyway.  maybe i can take something from it.