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Freya's blog: "Life"

created on 05/21/2011  |  http://fubar.com/life/b341204

5 Tips For When You Feel Like An Outsider or Like You Don't Belong

What to do when you feel like you just don't fit in

 

Do you feel like an outsider, like you don’t belong anywhere or that you just don’t fit in?

I spent a lot of my life feeling like an outsider. The good news is that we’re in very good company. I’ve read the autobiographies of some of the most famous people in the world and I found so many times that they said the same thing, “I felt like an outsider.” Whether it's scientists, politicians, athletes, artists, or just anyone who has made a difference in the world, you'll usually find that they felt like they didn't belong at some point in time. People like: Sarah Michelle GellarSir Anthony HopkinsAnne Rice, and Maria Shriver are just a few. Even Tom Cruise (plus you'll find 49 other famous celebrities on this page who were bullied including royalty Kate Middleton) was bullied as a child because he had dyslexia and felt he didn’t fit in because of it.

 

Ronnie Burkett is someone who's been declared “a genius” in some circles for his amazing theatre work using puppets. I recently had the opportunity to see one of his productions and they truly are heart wrenching as well as thought provoking. Ronnie has said that the only reason he discovered this talent was because at the age of seven he felt like an outsider and was so unhappy that he ended up reading the encyclopedia. One of the articles that captivated him was on puppets and this started a whole new life for him.

While it’s good to know we’re in good company, it also helps to know how to deal with these feelings.

Here are 5 tips for when you feel like an outsider or that you just don’t belong anywhere. 

1. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
Often it’s really only your own mind and emotions that tell you that you don’t fit in. You may actually fit in fine, you just think of yourself as an outsider. It definitely doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

It’s important to know that feeling like you don’t belong isn’t always a bad thing either. Emily Dickinson wrote a poem called, "I'm Nobody! Who Are You?" where she describes how being an outsider can actually be helpful. It can allow you to concentrate on your own ambitions and goals without feeling like you have to conform to other people's standards. You can do your own thing. You can read Dickinson's complete poem and an analysis of why it's good to be an outsider here: http://authspot.com/poetry/poetry-analysis-11-im-nobody-who-are-you-by-emily-dickinson/

Remember, it’s the people that are unique in this world that make the biggest impact and usually have something truly special to provide.

You don’t want to change yourself just to fit in with a certain group of people. That's where a lot of people go wrong. They end up wanting to gain approval from others and end up losing themselves in the process. You have so much more to offer by being true to yourself. So, don't limit yourself to being the same as everyone else. Challenge yourself to be the absolute best you can be.

When you feel like you're not fitting in, ask yourself if it's because of what you're thinking? Are you thinking thoughts like: 

  • I'll never be good enough 
  • I'll never fit in 
  • No one likes me 

Thinking thoughts like these doesn't help you. All it does it get you stuck feeling bad about yourself and you have no way to move forwards. These thoughts may not even be true. It may be just because you continue to tell yourself these thoughts over and over that they become true for you. So, if you catch yourself thinking one of these thoughts, turn it around and ask yourself questions like:

  • What do you really want? 
  • What do you really enjoy doing?
  • How can you explore those things more?

What steps can you take to start moving your life in the direction you want? 
These kind of questions will get you out of feeling negative about yourself and will give your mind a way to think of some positive action you could take. You'll be able to see that you do have incredible power to make changes in your life. 

2. Get Comfortable in Your Own Skin

 

It's okay to be different. In fact, it's usually a really good thing. Think about the people you admire most in the world. Do you admire them because they're the same as everyone else or because they fit in with everyone else? No, you think they're amazing because there's no one else quite like them. They're unique and they're proud to share that with the rest of the world.

There is only one you in the entire universe and it may be time to explore that person and figure out what you like and what makes you happy. Also, figure out if you’re self-sabotgaing yourself with your own limiting beliefs or feeling angry all the time. You truly are a special person with your own amazing gifts, thoughts, and ideas. Get to know yourself better. Accept who you are and then start to appreciate all the things that make you so unique.

When I first started out to get comfortable with myself, I gave myself the goal of “to be happy, healthy, positive, and to develop and maintain an inner peace.” I had to search deep inside myself to figure out what was going on and why I wasn't happy with myself at the time but it’s definitely been worth it. Once you explore those feelings, you can then let them go and move on from them. You also become much stronger and wiser by going through this process.

The other great thing about getting comfortable in your own skin is that you'll find you fit in more. The better you feel about yourself, the more people will like to be around you. One of life's secrets is that you have to respect yourself first before others will respect you.

After you've become comfortable in your own skin, you may even end up asking yourself later why you ever wanted to fit in with that particular group of people. You'll have moved so far beyond where you are now and see that you have improved so much more than the people you originally wanted to fit in with.

The other benefit of learning to be comfortable in your own skin is that you’ll be more accepting of other people and open to new ideas and concepts too. New and exciting opportunities will become available to you. The same can't be said for those too afraid to be seen as different than everyone else.

You’ll probably also start to find other people who have the same encouraging attitude about life. You’ll be able to go through life enjoying every moment because you’re comfortable with yourself and understand yourself. You’ll be more focused on your experiences, your goals, and the beauty you see around you rather than worrying about the opinions of a few people.

3. Let Go of Past Anger
Sometimes it’s because of past hurts that we repel other people. We’re so angry at people that we can’t relate to anyone or only expect the worst from others. Once I figured out how to let go of my past, I became much more comfortable being me. I found it was easier to get along with other people. Maybe because I didn't care as much what they thought of me but more likely just because I think people are more affected by the "aura" you give off. So, if you're angry all the time, most people will avoid you or you'll end up only attracting other people who are always angry too. Let go of your anger. Or use your anger to tell yourself that you can overcome anything.

4. Focus on Your Wants and Desires
Instead of focusing on the problem that you don’t feel like you fit in, try turning it around and focus on what you do want. What do you want to explore, what goals do you have, what do you want to learn? Ask yourself these questions: • What is your biggest dream? 
• What activities would you love to try?
• What places in the world you would you be thrilled to visit?

Then go and do it. There are so many incredible and inspiring things in this world to explore. Focus on the positive and the beauty of the world rather than getting caught up in a negative situation. Answering questions like the ones above will provide you with so much more fulfillment than trying to figure out how to fit in. If you just try to fit in, you’re probably not being true to your real self and you won’t be happy for long even if you do manage to fit in. If you follow your true passion, you'll not only be happy and love being you, you'll also gain the respect of people you never dreamed possible. For some ideas on figuring out what you want to do with your life, read the article, "Try a Life Direction".

5. You’re Not the Only One
It’s very easy to feel like you’re the only one who ever feels this way but I’d be willing to bet that just about everyone on this planet has felt like an outcast at some point in their life. You're definitely not alone in having these feelings. The next time you’re somewhere where you feel like an outsider, take a look around, there is probably at least one other person who feels the same way you do. How about going over there and saying, “Hello”? You just might make a new friend.

In Summary

The key to handling the situation of “I feel like an outsider” is really all in how you react to that feeling. You can beat yourself up over it or you can become stronger for it. As the biographies of those that have gone through the same feelings show, there can definitely be an advantage to being unique. You truly are special and there is no one else quite like you. You just need to be willing to share the real you with the world.


The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else,



Can you be a Christian Witch? And, while we are on the topic: 
Can you be a Christo-pagan? A Christo-eclectic? or a Christian Wiccan?
The simple answer is: yes. But since a simple answer never clarifies 
anything complex...we shall have to go on to the complex answer.
The reason it is not an oxymoron to call oneself a Christian Witch, Christo-
pagan, Christo-eclectic or Christian Wiccan is very simple...it all depends
on your definition of the terms. Religion is a man-made institution anyway
so it would seem appropriate to form "religion" in such a way that most 
closely defines each individual.

Buddah said: “In theory there is but one religion, in practice, there
are as many religions as there are people.”

Some people don't care about labels and some do. For some a label like
Christian Witch...is meant more to clarify a concept within their own mind
than to be agreed upon by the public at large. But I'm rambling and getting 
off the topic here: Basically we have to look at what someone means when they
use one of these terms (and if you ask 100 people, don't be surprised if
you get 100 different answers.)

When someone says that they are a Christo-pagan and someone else says: "You
Can't be a Christian and a Pagan at the same time!" 99% of the time, the
Problem is with each person's definitions. The truth is, they are probably
both more in agreement about the topic than they think they are. One example
is that most people who say you can't be a Christian and Pagan at the same 
time are usually defining their terms like this: Christian = "Fundie 
Christian" (you know...take the King James Bible as if it is the ONLY 
reliable version and before that all versions before and after were wrong...and
don't take into account that words and meanings sometimes change over time
according to culture, etc) Pagan = "non-Christian."

Can I say "DUHUH" here? No kidding? You really can't be a Christian and a
non-Christian at the same time??? No wonder people who don't understand
us think we are neurotic and indecisive...I would think that too if that was
the way we were actually defining our words.

The same can be said about the concept of a Christian Wiccan. Can you be a
fundie Christian and believe all the party dogma of the fundie Christian
and at the same time, be a Wiccan and believe everything in the Wiccan
religion? Well, no...for example...do you believe in sin or not? Salvation
needed or not? Jesus God or just good guy? Reincarnation or die once then 
afterlife? Heaven or Summerland? The list goes on and on. It would be
logical then to understand that when someone says they are a Christian 
Wiccan you need to look a little deeper.

I can't define the words: Christo-eclectic, Christo-Pagan, or Christian Wiccan
because I don't use those labels for myself personally. I mostly use Christian
Witch, or witchy Christian. So, all I can define here is the term I use, and
even then, I can't define it categorically for every person, I can only tell 
what the words mean to me personally in my own spiritual path.

First of all, before I go any further...I'm going to mention what many people
think when they hear the words Christian and Witch.

Christian: most non-Christians hear "fundie Christian" when they hear the
word Christian...because unfortunately these are the loudest Christians
making it appear that all Christians are fundies.

















Witch: among non-witches...who know very little about the term except what
they've heard in passing, you usually get one of two definitions:
1. Devil-worshipper, evil...blah blah blah (which is probably the most
inacurate definition.)
2. Wiccan, much closer to the truth, except for the fact that all witches
are not Wiccan and some Wiccan's don't practice witchcraft.

Witchcraft, while it may be a religion to some, in and of itself is not a
religion. (Wicca is, and many other paths that welcome witchcraft. Also, it's been
brought to my attention that many who practice Trad. Witchcraft consider it a 
religion in and of itself. But Trad. Witchcraft is different from witchcraft 
with a little "w".) Witchcraft, is a practice. You can be a witch and be ANY religion. Just 
like you can practice Yoga and be any religion. Not all Yogis are Hindu.

And, you don't have to convert to Hinduism to practice yoga or even for it to
be a spiritual excercise. I am laying out my own definitions here, however
if you are considering this spiritual path...you will have to lay out your 
definitions too. The only way you can combine any two paths, or incorporate
a seemingly "controversial" practice into your spiritual life is if you
get your definitions straight first. 

My definitions:

1. Christian: To me, being a Christian means believing in the following things:

* One God in three persons: Father, son and Holy Spirit.
* Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.
* Salvation by Grace and Faith in Christ.
* A personal relationship with God.
* The bible as an inspired source for spiritual wisdom.

One of the most important things to me about my Christian faith is that
Christianity is NOT about "bible interpretation" it's not about "doctrines"
and theological mud slinging. It's not about being perfect or judging other 
people. It is about a person and a relationship. It's about God loving
the world so much that he became a man and sacrificed himself to show that
love. (I know some people believe this is a myth, but I'm not one of those 
people.)

2. Witch: To me, being a witch means the following things:

* Having a connection to nature.
* Respecting all life and taking care of the earth and helping people.
* Someone who has an intensely personal relationship with the divine, however
he/she sees him/her.
* Someone who believes in and uses ritual and magick to bring about needed
change.

In the end analysis...the only "problem" is with the concept of "magick" It
seems that the bible strictly prohibits any magickal practice whatsoever. But 
if one looks closely with an open mind one will see that that isn't the case.
The definitions of what the bible says on it, is outside the scope of this
article, but there are a few wonderfully written articles on it:
"Doesn't the Bible forbid Witchcraft?" by: Rawna Moon
"Am I Damned?" by: Ambrose Hawk
"Can Christians be Wiccans?"

if you would like to study that topic further.

One thing to remember is...there were many "magickal" practices that were
used in the bible but not condemned:
For more on that, see "Am I Damned? Part 2" by: Ambrose Hawk

So, common sense would tell you that what is prohibited in the bible is
hurting others or manipulating others. 













          

God is not a manipulator and doesn't interfere with our free will. 
If we are to follow him, we should follow that example.
The other common arguement against magick is that you aren't supposed
to use it if you are a Christian because you are supposed to rely fully on
God.

Well, yes, that's true...but you also have to use common sense. We get jobs
and work don't we? We earn money to buy food and pay bills, all rather 
autonomously...God provided manna from Heaven for the Isrealites in the desert,
so it's clear he could drop all we need in a bundle from Heaven every day, but
it's preferable for us to work and earn things ourselves, so why is magick any
different? (Whether you believe this story is literal or not, it still
makes the same point.) 

Also, if God is going to allow free will then he can't "magickally" intervene
in every situation or we are puppets who only have "free will" as long as we
do what we are supposed to do.

After rambling on and on, I'm going to close this article with this thought:

Maybe right and wrong is more about motivation, attitude, and how you treat 
those around you than it is about exact methods of getting things done.

Blessings.

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see the myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams 
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tori+amos/#share

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