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Pepper's blog: "Life ... "

created on 12/12/2010  |  http://fubar.com/life/b338236

How to annoy a YANKEE

25 Ways To Annoy A Yankee

  1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

  2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.

  3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."

  4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.

  5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"

  6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.

  7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.

  8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.

  9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.

  10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)

  11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."

  12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".

  13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."

  14. Put Tabasco on everything.

  15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"

  16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies - banana ones.

  17. Name all of your children "Bubba".

  18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.

  19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.

  20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.

  21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.

  22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.

  23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there." 

  24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.

  25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.

Redneck Humor

Redneck Computer Terms!

  • BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.

  • BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.

  • BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick.

  • BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.

  • CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps.

  • CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.

  • TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker.

  • CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.

  • DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers.

  • DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer.

  • FAX - What you lie about to the IRS.

  • HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.

  • HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.

  • INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

  • KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

  • MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.

  • MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers.

  • MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.

  • MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live.

  • NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.

  • ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.

  • ROM - Where the pope lives.

  • SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

  • SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast.

  • SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year.

  • SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear.

I found this and just thought some of you just might enjoy getting a good laugh out of some of these! As it does show just how many of you really are REDNECKS out there!! :D 


* You have ever been dispatched to a working “cow” fire

* You ever put out a cow chip fire
* Your PASS alarm goes “Yeee Haw”
* You dispatch center ever said “Y’all can’t miss it”
* You used your rescue air bags as furniture at the fire station
* You refill your air bottles at the local gas station “Free Air” hose
* Your department has a Rescue Bubba and a Rescue Cow for training
* You only wash down the floor in the station to “keep the dust down”
* Your radio call signal is “Wheee doggies”
* You have to mark the department out of service two weeks during deer season and every Sunday during the Winston Cup Race
* You bought a computer so you could get NASCAR Online on the Internet
* You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours
* Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun…and a member won it each time.
* You borrowed the department’s quick dump tank so you could have a neighborhood pool party
* Your safety officer is the person who broke his arm at the last house fire
* Your rehab consists of a cold beer and a pack of “nabs”
* Your last serious fire was your fire department BBQ
* You used your “good” fire house as a bumper on your boat dock
* You have a shotgun rack in the back of your fire truck….and got two bucks on your last call
* Your Hurst tool is on loan to the local body shop
* You use a hanging noose knot for all your rescue operations because it’s real adjustable
* You don’t allow a person to join the department unless they own a pickup
* You wore a hole in your fire boots….while wearing them at your full time job
* You keep 2 packs of “Red Man” in your turnout gear for “emergencies”
* Your departments brush truck doubles as your hunting truck
* You voted against the last person for chief because he was a Jeff Gordon fan
* You painted your new rescue truck to look like Earnhardt’s race car
* You borrowed the fire truck to use the spotlights for deer hunting
* The directions to your last house fire was “Go down past the last house you burnt up”….and you know exactly which house they are talking about
* You ever went diving in a swimming pool with your SCBA equipment…..just to see how it would work
* You must take the battery out of your tractor to put in the fire truck before you go on calls
* Your preacher borrows your PASS alarms each Sunday for church to keep the congregation awake
* You consider “2 in and 2 out” to be two guys in the cab and two on the tailboard of the truck
* The last girl you kissed was named Rescue-Annie and you enjoyed it so much you are thinking seriously about asking her out
* Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing while going to a scene
* Your firehouse has wheels
* You’ve ever got back and found you’ve locked yourself out of the firehouse
* Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire get’n drunk
* You’ve ever been toned out on an out house fire also if that out house fire was with entrapment
* You’ve ever let a person’s house burn down because they wouldn’t let you hunt their ground
* Your personal vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it
* You’ve ever walked through a Christmas display and walked away with at least 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck
* Your rescue truck can smoke the tires
* Your department’s name is misspelled on your equipment
* The nurses and doctors turn out the lights and hide when you show up at the hospital to get your equipment
* Dispatch can’t mention your name without laughing
* The local news crew won’t put your department on T.V. because you embarrassed them last time.
* You’ve ever locked the keys in your trucks
* You’ve ever referred to a light bar as sexy
* Your defibrillator consists of a marine battery, a pair of jumper cables, and a fish finder
* You’ve ever taken a girl out in a pumper
* Your pumper has been on fire more times than it’s been to a fire
* Your pumper smokes more than the house fire
* You’ve ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire
* You’ve ever called it quits on a house fire when the beer got hot
* You’ve ever been late to a house fire because you had to stop and get the guy who fell off the truck
* You’ve ever stopped in route to pick up a road kill
* You hand out spit cans before each meeting
* You have a sign out front of your station that says will fight fires for beer
* Your equipment has chew stains down the sides of ‘em
* Everyone on your department is related in some way or another
* Your annual vacation plans depend on where the state EMS conference is held.
* You have as many ambulances in town as you do EMTs.
* You thought your first ambulance ” run ” would be a 5K.
* You think that the ABCs stand for ” Always Being on Call. ”

God's Eye-Letter Of Love

by Becca Tidwell on Saturday, November 14, 2009 at 7:01pm

 

Dear Child of Sin,

I see you looking back at me, surrendering all you fall on your knee.
Asking for mercy, and forgiveness too, What am I supposed to say to you?

You say your a christian, but how can that be? You only come to me in YOUR time of need.
I send you abundance of all of life's needs, yet you refuse to go out and plant one seed.
Others speak of my name and ask you questions of me, yet you deny the thoughts, shamelessly.
I see you living life in your own constant sin.I've knocked on your door but you refuse to let me in.
I sent you my son, he paid the ultimate price. He died for your sins, his greatest sacrifice.

Yet, I see you looking back at me,now trembling on your knees,
asking for my mercy and and my forgiveness too.
What am I supposed to say to you?

Close your eyes dear child, and see me with your heart.
That's when you will find that we never have part.
I was always there with my arms wide open, watching you patiently, while you were still hoping.
Forgiveness is a hard lesson to have learned, but once you accept me, your sins are now burned.
Never more to be spoke of again, and your new life in Christ shall FINALLY begin!

Love,
God- Your Father.

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