There is something I don't understand. Why do men lie? I mean honestly...Is so hard to tell the truth that they feel like they have to hide it away and make up an excuse? Can they not just come right out and say things? Do they not realize it hurts more finding out the truth from someone else rather then from them? Or are they just so stupid that they think they wont be caught?
Most of you know that I have been in love with the same person for 6 years or more now. Yes, I have been with others in that time. Yes, I was nearly engaged...Unless you count one day as an engagement. And yes, I have told others I love them. BUT...I was never in love with them. I've tried my best to look the other way and let things. I've done my best not to let what he does with others bother me. But, I can't let this last indiscretion go. I can't just turn the other cheek on this one...No it doesn't work that way anymore. I have run out of cheeks to turn and yes I am counting ass cheeks in this one. And not just mine.
I was told not to do it. I was told not to believe him or trust. I was warned time and time again. And I know most of you think that this is a stupid thing to blog about...But right now I just don't give a damn anymore. I'm sick of being betrayed and hurt. Is there not one decent guy out there that knows how to treat a woman right? I'm sure you all say that you are a decent guy. That you know how to treat a woman. But I say bullshit. Every guy I have met that has claimed to be that, has turned out to be nothing more then a self centered bastard.
I am sure you are wondering by now what was so bad that he did to make me so mad and upset. Well, let me start out with saying this. Remember I have been in love with him for 6 years or better now. He was my best friend. He was the only person I ever really wanted to be with. The only person I really ever wanted to settle down with. He was the one person that could make me laugh when I was. The person that could infuriate me to no end then make me fall head over heels in love with him again in the same conversation. All I wanted the most in life was to be with him.
We had started making plans on moving in together finally and to settle down with one another. We were finally going to be happy with each other and together. I had my best friend, lover, and other half all in the same person. It was a rarity indeed. But all to soon my world and happiness came crashing down around with one little phone call. He was with another...Another who had a baby. He had settled down with someone else and made himself a family. No the baby is not his, but he loves it all the same. The whole time he had been saying he loved me and wanted to be with me, he had been with another telling her the same. The entire time that he was telling me how much he looked forward to finally settling down with me, he had already settled down with her.
Now here I am, alone with 6 wasted years and nothing to show for them besides a broken heart and several tears shed. I'm so sick of the one being hurt. The one that goes out of her way to make others happy. The one that takes the lies and bullshit and turns the other cheek. The one that ends up broken hearted at the end of it all. When is it my turn to be happy? When is it my turn to find my happily ever after?
Always and Forever
Never say "I love you"
If you really don't care
Never talk about feelings
If they aren't really there
Never hold my hand
If you're going to break my heart
Never say you're going to
If you don't plan to start
Never look in to my eyes
If all you do is lie
Never say "Hi"
If you really mean "Goodbye"
If you really mean forever
Then say you will try
Never say "Forever"
Cause forever makes me cry.
