Everytime it seems as though almost everything could be perfect, I am thrown a cruve ball and it takes me down a winding road to self destruction. I am heading down that road once again at the moment. I was just spending time with my family on my moms side and I just don't feel like I belong. On my dads side, I just havn't had the contact to even fit in, so it's always been kinda weird. ~and now my dad and step mom, through my step brother, have ganged up on me to make me feel even worse and more useless. My step brother has been living with me since February and I have to say, it has been no cake-walk. Most of the time when he was here, I'd have to beg for money for the bills, and he would stay locked away in the middle bedroom(his room). It's like having a dirty little secret in there. He also bought my 92 Paseo before he moved in here. I am still owed $100 on that. This is where my recent frustration with my dad and step mom come in. Apparently, since he bought it from me-there has been nothing but problems with the car. I never had any issues when I owned it--I even drove it 2 weeks prior to him buying it to make sure everything was still ok. even started it up a couple times that week and drove to the store and such. Anyways---nothing wrong.
So he left to go back up to Duluth for awhile--not even sure how long, but he's been there a couple weeks now. Before he left, he left a note saying that there was $150 dollars coming for bills within 3 days and if it didn't arrive to call him and he would take care of it. I was roofing that day so I didn't even know he was gone till I saw it. Anyway...a few days later still nothing. A week later...still nothing. Tried calling him--straight to voicemail-tried myspace-nothing. tried the parents, where he's staying//he wasn't there but my dad said he'd have him call me. He never called. I was owed $198 and some odd cents for the $100 left on the car and the rest for bills from this and last month. So I sent an email to my dad asking for him to talk with him and have him send the money. Got a call back asking why if he;s not there why he should have to pay for bills he's not using. WTF??? Does that mean if I leave I don't have to pay either?? We're both on the lease. So after arguing with them for about an hour, his mom said she'll send out some money for his bills. Before we got to that point they had tried to tell me that I knew there was something wrong with the car I sold him cause supposably, even though he never told me, there was problems since day one. So they said that they didn't feel he should have to pay anything else on the car even though we have a contract. So I don't even know what to do there---my other side of the family, my moms side, said it's not worth it to take him to court over. I'm done talking to that side of the fam. At least for a long time!
Then there;s the fact that I can't get a god damn job!! Fucking hate bush!!!
I have applied to soooooooooooooo many places and have not gotten but 2 call backs. Didn;t get either job. I can't survive past this month.
Don't want to go into that anymore than I have.
*Personal life.
where do I even start.
I am really lacking strong friendships and a significant other.
I have a few great friends, but they live a half hour away or more and I can't afford to drive up there anymore--without the work to get paid to fill the gas tank.
There is this gal that I have fallen for a grreat deal a while ago. We finally got the chance to hang out and I found out she really is who I thought she is and more. This gal has the personality I have been looking for since I've started dating. She's smart, funny, has a sence of humor, and says it how it is. Since I have no job, I am not in her league. Can't afford to take her out...I want to and w/e......
I can't even write about this---it's too painfull.
I can't even believe I got this much out.
I have just felt like crying for the past 4 hours with all that is going on.
I am at risk of just saying fuck it all---and just might cause this hasn't really helped me any. It has actually brought out more emotions that I just don't feel like dealing with. Too hard to deal with this stuff myself. I need to find my soulmate. That way I can get some sort of release of all this pain and let it go. Came out of nowhere tonight----all it took was one song to feel everything all at once.
I don't even know what I put the soulmate thing in there...I'm just happier when I have someone to love---and right now...........................................blah. I can't write anymore.
