Well here I am thinking again, like always. I have had a really bad day, I went to go see my kids today and what do ya know, they were not home this weekend. The twins and my oldes were gone. So I sat and talked to my dad for a while to see how they were doing. Saw their report cards and although it was hard to understand them but from the look of things they seemed to be doing really well. I miss them so very much and right now I feel like all I have ever seen is the pictures that they have gotten from school or looking at old pictures of them that I have. Im starting to wonder when Im ever going to see them grow up without the pictures, just me and them and making our own memories. I have been dealing with this for so long now and nothing ever seems to become of it. I know that some day I could get them back but I cant wait for some day to come. I know that if I just work really hard at it that I will get them. I just hope that it wont be to late for me to make my memories with them. Its hard to see them growing up in pictures and thats all that I ever see of them and I know that they are safe and that they are dreaming of the same things I am of them coming home and being with mom. But right now its just hard for me to deal with and I have all the support in the world from my loving boyfirend and fiance Cowboy. I love him very much and I have him to lean on right now and I would not change that for anything in the world and I know he's here to help me fight for the boys. There is nothing in the world that I would change about him. Its nice to know that I have some one to help me fight this one and not have to deal with it alone. I have never really had some one to help me with this. I know he loves me alot and I love him just as much. We are ment to be together and I know this for sure. Ive never been sure of something in my life but he is the one that was ment for me. Now we have the uphill battle of getting the boys back and getting them home. Its just hard to deal with when you dont have something when you know that you should have them. But how else am I supposed to deal with something like this and not feel like Im fighting alone? I know that Im not and for that Im very thankful. I would not know what to do without Cowboy by my side. I think I would not feel the same. I know the boys will like him because he love their mom just as much as they do. I have some great boys and a wonderful boyfriend that I am very greatful for right now. I just feel that I should have the rest of them here with us now. I know that this blog is not going to make much sence to any one but its just someting that I have to get off my chest and not really having much else to do is all I can do get this off my mind and try and make sence of it all. I dont know what more there is to do but work my tail off just to get the boys home with me and get my family put back together. Thats all that I want and that is all that really makes want this. I know that things will get better in time but but to me sometimes I feel like time is running out for me and the boys. I dont want that to happen, I want to be able to have my family, not just some of it.
~~**Jaded.Devil**~~
