KatesNewMoon's blog: "Life is a sleazy stranger who looks vaguely familiar flirting with a bimbo named disaster at the end of the bar"

It's over you're sober -pants around your ankles You're ship wrecked - You've gone mute Nothing there to say You're naked and shaking like a 2 bit Judas You fall down closefisted and end up in my way You're the people who just want me to notice You're the people I try so hard to ignore You're the coward who demands me to save him You will smother - under covers- stapled to the mattress. You traipse on your loved ones Most who will disown you You'll search for a family, those you can destroy Methodically sickened, by their inhibitions But rather then fix it- you will just avoid You're the people who just want me to notice You're the people I try so hard to ignore You're the coward who demands me to save him You will smother - under covers- stapled to the mattress. You're a person who I can't help but notice - Enjoys drowning into other's self disdain Void of person - No, I don't think I know you Please hunt others Vultures hover You're stapled to your matters Stapled to the mattress Stapled to the mattress Stapled to the mattress Stapled to the mattress Stapled to the mattress ~scarling~

So I finally got rid of the Married man once and for all, it's really really hard but I'm going to stick with it and not give in. I just need to find a new play mate. :P

Happiness is just a gash away When i open a familiar scar Pain goes shooting like a star Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far... And you might say it's self-indulgent You might say its self-destructive But, you see, it's more productive Than if i were to be healthy & pens and penknives take the blame Crane my neck & scratch my name But the ugly marks Are worth the momentary gain... When i jab a sharpened object in Choirs of angels seem to sing Hymns of hate in memorandum And you might say it's self-indulgent And you might say it's self-destructive But, you see, it's more productive Than if i were to be happy And sappy songs about sex and cheating Bland accounts of two lovers meeting Make me want to give mankind a beating And you might say it's self-destructive But, you see, i'd kick the bucket Sixty times before i'd kick the habit And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought That even if i quit There's not a chance in hell i'd stop And anyone can see the signs Mittens in the summertime Thank you for your pity, you are too kind And you might say its self-inflicted But you see that's contradictive Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction? And pain opinions are sitcom feeding They dont know that their minds are teething Makes me want to give mankind a beating I'm tried bandages and sinking I've tried gloves and even thinking I've tried vaseline I've tried everything And no-one cares if your back is bleeding They're concerned with their hair receding Looking back it was all maltreating Every thought that occurred misleading Makes me want to give myself a beating.... ~The Dresden Dolls~

"Scarecrow" I am the everything the all knowing The omnipotent one I watch the fields I do not feel I circumnavigate everyone I am the scarecrow, alone and disconnected You stare right past me undetected I am only here when you expect it And feel a sadness undescribable I hange here motionless holding a bible No revival I died and became apathy Then married vacancy Then moved my children to the tundra of complacency I do not exist in your world I've burned the bridges, I've cut the life line Now all I have left is my mind Which judges all of you Analyzes your dumb philosophies Inwonderment of how you all have ruined your ecology But you do not hear for I am to you only but nothingness And I can't understand why I'm the only one that feels like this It's all piss, I flee Out of all the people that have left me The one I miss most, is me I am the scarecrow and I am so alone And I've seen thirty years of down time The face of a clown, a stick for a spine From a grandiose small town mind And crows fly all around mine They shit on my shoulder I got no voice, no mobility I get older, heated but colder No yield in my field, fuck my opinion I stare at your houses in the distance Silent persistence at night windows glisten I got nothing to say cause no one would listen anyway So I remain against the grain I've seen sunny days with rain Busted knuckles and pain and never complained Dirt is my domain, my view is plain But I'm invisible, sound mystical Not really, the days are dry the evening chilly The only one who understands is little Billy when he's lonely Make me feel something, make me worth a damn Make me new again, make me a fuckin' man Seen the rise and fall the high and low the come and go And if you knew what I know, sometimes one does not reap what he sews The wind blows, the moon glows the water flows The rain turns to snow, and the ground is froze And only God knows why that's the way it goes I am the scarecrow and I am so alone ~Rehab~

Ok so...Ive been seeing this guy since I moved back to Laurens. At the beginning we both stated that we where not looking for anything serious, because both of of have been fucked over in the past. But as the months passed things have changed, he works out of state and only comes home every 2 weeks. But since he has been around town him and Amanda have talked and he has said that he really likes me, but is worried that something more will ruin are friendship. Amanda also with her big mouth gave him some of my background with my abusive relationship and the fact that I have no idea if I want something more. But she told him that I was looking for companionship, he said that he has noticed that I have been very depressed. And has tried Sooo hard to try and cheer me up. Does every little thing I like, kisses my feet out of nowhere, rubs my shoulders, plays with my hair, cuddles with me, and gives me all the weird kinky sex I want, just how I like it. Last Thursday him and a few other guys Im friends with happen to show up at the local bar I hang out. And introduces him self to my friends as "Katie's Boyfriend". I did not hear this, but Val came up and told me about it after he introduced him self as that...Now, he knows I like going to strip Clubs and spent every night he was in town this weekend with me, took me out, payed for everything of mine. And the sweet heart that he is, he encouraged me to get up and get private dances from girls( usually I'm all over other girls, but I was quit depressed). He does not drink, and use to say that all my drinking bothered him, but payed for all my drinks. When i left his place the last 2 times he made the comment about me taking him with him. I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE AS TO WHATS GOING ON??? Some out side help would be nice. Any Idea's on what he is thinking??? Now he is also very shy, was him introducing him self as my boyfriend maybe a way of him saying to me he wants more??? HELP!

So...I have fallen for someone who I can never have. He is married. Life I swear can not get more complicated than it is now.I'm trying to distance myself from him, even though I don't want to...this song sums it up pretty good. "Miles Away" by, Yeah Yeah Yeahs As the cars go by under the sun like an enemy You Wonder (x3) As a spider comes and looks at you like an enemy You Wonder (x3) Yeah Miles, miles away She's hurting people in a better world Miles, miles away Dressed again in all her wonder You're more beautiful than ever Looking in the car's rear view mirror Floor is hard uncomforted By the second time she wondered she hungered she hungers like a killers wife As the cars go by (x3) Yeah as the cars go by Miles, miles away She's hurting people in a better world Miles, miles away Dressed again in all her wonder Well you're more beautiful than ever Looking in the car's rear view mirror You're more beautiful than ever Miles, Miles away (x2)

Bardo http://www.answers.com/Bardos