I cannot believe how sad I have been lately. It's been horrible. But when I think about certain people in my life, and how they have affected me, I start to think I could be happy. But maybe it's just not meant to be. I don't know. I talked to my masked one tonight and he made me feel better. I'm scared though. He might be leaving sometime next year. And I realized how much his leaving would affect me if he did. I went to club last night and missed my dance partner fiercly. It wasn't the same without him. As I write this I realize he is all I think about most of the time. And that scares me to death because I hardly know him. And he hardly knows me. I don't know. I'm so fucking confused right now it's not even funny.
Why does growing up blow? There are times (like this) when I wish I was six again and able to run to mom and dad, and they would make everything ok again. But I can't and I need to accept that fact. It's just nice to be able to talk to someone about this kind of stuff, and it's usually my journal. I just didn't feel like writing in it tonight, so it's out here for all of you to see!!! lol.
I feel like my life is spinning out of control and there isn't anything anyone or I can do about it. I wish there was. Well, there is, but that will come later. I'm just scared. Tired of feeling like this. Like I'm in a room full of people and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one thinks to look up and see what the fuck I'm screaming about.
A couple of lines from the song I'm listening to right now just made sense!!!!!!!!!! "What can I do? What can I say?.........." OMFG!!!! It's amazing what becomes clear when you're running on about two hours of sleep total!!! lol. What can I do to make him see? What can I say to make him stay? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I'm so tired I don't even know what I'm writing right now. I think I'm going to try and get SOME sleep. I have to go to court tomorrow. FUN!!! Not really. Nitey Nite!!!!
