this past week has really shown me what i*m made of. i am in no respect, a strong person. i may look it physically, but emotionally i am.. so weak. i*ve been hurt alot this week and actually for the past little while, and it*s all just come crashing down on me lately and i can*t take it anymore. everytime i get on LC and i see who*s online and i see the few people that i love and i talk to alot... and i see the huge amount of people who have hurt me.. it*s just too much and all those feelings come rushing back. and it*s sinking me in deeper and deeper and for myself and my health, i just can*t take it anymore.
i dunno what to say...other than i*ve been pretending for too long. i*ve been faking happy so much that i actually believed it myself.. and then something huge happens.. nobody cares, and i*m still stuck here pretending.. because if i pretend all is good, then somehow it actually is. but i*m done with that now. i need to take an extremely long break from all thebullshit that is on here.. and i need to get my life re-aligned. and i can*t do that on here. i don*t even know if i can fully do it in the real world but i have to try something else than what i have been.
i found this.. amazing poem by chance written by another person on here... i think i can definately relate to it. i*ll post it, and the link to his profile at the end of this message.
to all my friends on here that read this, i love you all...one inparticular and that will never change no matter how much i try and pretend i don*t. i hope to talk to the few that have impacted my life in the future. for the rest of you.. i*m sorry but i can*t do it anymore.
i can*t believe this week has happened to me. it*s amazing how much we all lie to ourselves everyday. for me, the lying stops here... i*m finished. done. out.
What this means is that after tonight, i*m leaving LC...for good.
I find my happiness in loving you.
Though my love is not returned, I don't mind waiting.
The woods are a cathedral where I pray
For the beauty and grace that lie within my heart.
You hold me and we kiss, and yet not yet
Is there the unity that love must crave.
You want me, but not as I want you:
This truth is like a wreckage on my sea.
There's no one else I hunger for, nor touch
That makes me feel I must take off my skin;
And so I'll wait as years pile up like leaves,
And long with the lonely patience of the moon.
http://lostcherry.com/user/35418
