4:29 and trudging along famously.Huh I went out with my cousin last night.It was all good.The only thing that sucked was that my attitude toward everything basically sucks as soon as I get into a bar but , shes cool for inviting me.She tried to get me to pep up but Im kinda shy so I didnt really like mingle or anything.And I just felt so out of place.I drank Pepsi all night, maybe if I had been drinking I wouldve who knows felt more like part of the group but it wasnt happening last night.All I could think about was my ex and how shes not here and how I have to try and get along if she decides she cant handle being one persons woman,and I also at the same time felt like I was getting her back for something.Like I could use it to show her how I felt those nights she decided the bar was a much better friend to her than I was.But I havent talked to her. She starts work on Monday and shell only have weekends off and I dunno how often Ill get to talk to her.And yknow sitting in the bar shes all I thought about, I was almost sick to be sitting there around other women.Just because Im thinking of her so much, and she probably doesnt care.Shes probably still working somewhere in the shadows to hide things I shouldnt see, but Im gonna let things happen, see if she proves herself, get my car fixed so we can visit and all that.I just dont want her to slip away I guess..I dont want to forget her face, but at the same time I dont know how long it will last if the trust isnt there.Thats probably enough for today.Not much has happened so there isnt much to write about.
