Have ever felt like you were searching for something? Something that you felt would fill that blackness? The piece of you that is missing? And you thought that once you found the jagged jigsaw puzzle piece that you would be complete? That's how I am feeling lately. I am not quite sure of what the piece is or what size it is or even what it looks like. All I know is I am under the impression that once I find it I will be complete. For some, this piece that fills the blackness may be a significant other, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a husband or a wife, a hobby, a friend. What ever it is. I recently have realized that the blackness is growing in me and I am feeling less and less like myself. And I am frantically trying to find the right thing to put in the blackness to feel at one with myself. I have tried booze, nicotine, girls, friends, hobbies, over time at work, solitude, and aggression. I have tried so many things, Bar hopping, clubbing, random sexual incounters, you name it I have considered it and or tried it. But inevitably, the darkness remains a part of me so engrossingly large that I am coming undone at this point and I don't know what to do because I have done all I can. Or at least I feel I have. So what is a man to do when he is at his breaking point and ready to snap? I don't know. Do i need to be saved? Loved? Reminded of who I am and where I came from? I just don't know anymore. I feel incomplete, inadequate, useless, and disgarded like a used condom thrown on the floor and forgotten after a night of lust not love and I didn't even know I was there. Okay, back metaphor, but my point is..., What the hell am I supposed to be searching for? Will i ever know? And am I damned to figure this out alone? And never be whole?
