SeXyKaT's blog: "Kat's Blog"

CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!' Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.' Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'

Update on Cinderella Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince,she happily sits upon her rocking chair,watching the world go by from her front porch,with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon,out of nowhere,appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said,'Fairy Godmother,what are you doing here after all these years'? The fairy godmother replied,'Cinderella,you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?' Cinderella was taken aback,overjoyed,and after some thoughtful consideration,she uttered her first wish: 'The prince was wonderful,but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly- her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, 'Ooh,thank you,Fairy Godmother' The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do.What do you want for your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body,and said, 'I wish I was young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.' At once,her wish became reality,and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: 'You have one more wish;what shall it be?' Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat,into a kind and handsome young man.' Magically,Bob suddenly underwent such fundamental a change in his biological make-up that,when he stood before her,he was a man so beautiful ~the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen. The fairy godmother said, 'Congratulations, Cinderella,enjoy your new life.' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, The fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat,breathless, gazing at the most beautiful,stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella,who sat transfixed in her rocking chair,& held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned-in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered... 'I bet you're sorry you had me neutered...'

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

Spanish Words of the Day 1. Cheese The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: 'Maria likes me, but cheese fat.' 2. Mushroom When all of my family get in the car, there's not mushroom. 3. Shoulder My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder. 4. Texas My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at! 5. Herpes Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes. 6. July Ju told me ju were going to that store and July to me! 'Julyer!' 7. Rectum I had 2 cars but my wife rectum! 8. Juarez One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?' 9. Chicken I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself. 10. Wheelchair We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry, wheelchair. 11. Chicken wing My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing. 12. Harassment My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, honey, harassment nothing to me. 13. Bishop My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop. 14. Body wash I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids. 15. Green Pink Yellow When the phone green, I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow?'

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asks as she shook the older boy in anger 'We were just playing 'church' mommy,' he said. 'And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.'

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.' The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing. 'That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!' Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.' After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'

The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt. Love needs no map, for it can find it's way blindfolded. Hold my hand and I'll take you there, somehow, someday, somewhere. I don't fear insects or spiders. At great heights, I jump off, smiling. In the face of death I wink. But, when I look into your eyes, I'm in fear of how much I love you. Be true to love, and love will be true to you. I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am. Missing you can turn from pain to pleasure if I knew you were missing me too. A life without love is no life at all. Passion' a word which involves so many feelings; I feel it when we touch, I feel it when we kiss, I feel it when I look at you

MY PRIVATE PART DIED An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.' Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.' The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.' 'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died. ' Yes ,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?' (You've gotta love this ....) 'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family." "OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug."