559294's blog: "Karson Korner"

Today March 11th marks the anniversary of a life-changing event for me. 25 years ago my body was pulled from the blue car leaving me paralyzed and wheelchair bound from a severe car accident. One instant I had everything the next nothing. …. 

While I never wanted or expected to be in the position I am in today, I have gained so many things to be thankful for. I have gained patience. I have gained compassion. I have gained empathy. I have gained humbleness. I have gained friendships. I have gained experiences. I have gained forgiveness and gained the ability to forgive. I have gained wisdom. I have gained memories. I have gained appreciation. I have gained faith. I have gained peace. I have gained Love. 

I have gained so much but could not of gained anything if it weren’t from my parents Walter Karson, Rose Mary, my two brothers, Karson Witha-k, John Karson other family members, Misty Karson, friends, nurses, healthcare aides, and many people who have entered my life who cared.

Life to me is not about what I have lost, but what I have gained. Thank you to all those that have helped, inspired and cared.

Of all the things I have gained, the gift to inspire is one of my greatest. So today I share with you my inspiration.

Whatever you may have lost in life, focus on all that you have gained. When you see all that you have gained, you realize the gifts God has given you. 

May you be inspired, uplifted and spiritual refreshed …… Please SHARE if this has touched you or you feel led to inspire others…. I wish I could tag all of you, as I want everyone who has been or is in my life to read this and get the recognition they deserve. Feel free to tag yourself if you have been a part of my awesome life.

Breath of life.

When you sleep at night, are you afraid of the dark?  Ghosts?  Someone breaking in? Let me share with you my fear…a fear I have only shared with one or two close friends.

Take a deep breath in and then let out.  Feels good to most of us. Seems simple even, heck we don’t even have to think about it.  In and out like a rhythmatic clock.  I thought so too. We often take this gift for granted and I have been guilty of this also.

It wasn’t till an accident when I was 19 that I really began to know how much gift breathing is. This accident left me paralyzed from neck down and dependant on a machine to provide air for me.  I remember, the sound, cshhhhhhhh, ------------ cshhhhhhhh.   The respirator was supplying my every breath. After coming out of a drug-induced sleep, I became conscience of my surrounding in the hospital room. I noticed my chest going up and down and by no effort of my own.  Once I began to get used to the rhythm I thought this is easy, not so bad and after a period of time I didn’t even realize anything unnatural. All was good for a few days or so, breathing felt normal almost. Then I began to feel an inner gurgling. This gurgling became annoying, because not only could I hear it, but also I could feel it deep within my chest. Pneumonia had set in and my lungs were beginning to fill with liquid. Being paralyzed and the lack of movement was not allowing my body to naturally release this added moisture building up within me. With the help of a miniature vacuum, some of the fluid was removed in small amounts, however the small vacuum became ineffective, as the fluid build up kept getting worse.  As the fluid filled my lungs less oxygen was able to get in my body and I grew weaker. I was then informed that Doctors needed to give me a tracheotomy, cutting a hole in my neck and putting a tube down my throat to my lungs so they could manually remove the fluid build up. I was assured it would be easier for me to breath.

After the surgery I awoke with a new feeling, breathing through my neck. The tubes that were down my throat were no longer there and my mouth was free, but not to talk, only to move my lips. Air was not going through my mouth only my neck, so talking was impossible. My respirator was still by my side making its familiar sound. cshhhhhhhh, ------------ cshhhhhhhh.   When the machine struggled to give enough oxygen, a nurse was able to put a small tube down the pipe in my neck retrieving any blockage, and this happened several times a day. After several days I began to get some strength back. It was at this time the Doctor decided to turn off my respirator. The respirator was not going to be immediately shut off but slowly reduce the amount of air gradually.  This was a big scary as I had forgotten how to breath. Being dependent on this breathing machine for so long I forgot how to breathe on my own.  As they turned the machine down I waited for my chest to rise on its own as it had been doing, however my chest didn’t rise and I began to feel like I was suffocating. Panicking for help and fighting for any breath, the seconds felt like minutes. The machine kicked on for a moment, then left me fighting for the next breath of air. Finally some air I thought, and then it stopped.  Again panic started in. After doing this several times I began to learn how to move a muscle in my tummy. A muscle I could control that by concentrating I could catch a short breath.  That muscle was very weak, as it had not been used for a period of time. Every breath became a fight and struggle. When I grew wearily of trying to breath, my machine would kick on forcing a breath into me and often interrupt my own breathing rhythm that I had been struggling to maintain. This happened for the next few days till I began to breathe on my own.  Even though I could breath independently I consciously thought to breath in, release, over and over.  I was afraid to fall asleep because I felt I would forget to take that next breath. Forgetting to breathe while sleeping overwhelmed me and I was filled with fear.  It took me many days to feel somewhat confident that I could fall asleep and not quit breathing.

Twenty-five years later and I confess I still have that fear. I still am scared to fall asleep alone. I struggle not having someone near that I can call out to in an emergency. I still have some deep-rooted fear that I will forget to breathe. I am afraid I won’t wake.  Those that see me as so strong I tell you I am still so weak. Even though I breath normally now, I am still fighting, fighting for my next breath.

I am thankful when I awake each morning still breathing. It really is a gift to have the breath of life. I ask each of you when you take your first conscience breath in the morning that you remember my story and the challenge I must overcome.  Most importantly, realize you just received a gift, the breath of life. 

You never truly know what a gift it is to breath until you have to fight for that breath.

May you be energized, refreshed and inspired.

Popcorn

For those that don’t know me personally, I was injured in a car accident at age 19 which left me paralyzed from chest down and need an electric wheelchair to get around. You never think something so life changing like this could or would happen to you. 25 years later I look back at the strengths that carried me through my weakest moments and those moments I share with you.

Prior to rehabilitation, I had very limited arm movement, no strength in my arms, and no actual hand movement.  Like most of my physical needs at the time, I had to be fed by someone else.  Some might picture the Romanistic image of being fed grapes, while lying on a couch and having people fan you with palm leaves, but the reality was far different. For near a month I was not allowed to eat. While lying in a hospital bed I continually begged nurses, family members and friends for a bite of pizza. I was feeling the pains of hunger greater than I have ever thought possible.  I dreamt of the moment I could actually get rid of this pain of hunger. That day finally came.

The night before the nurse asked me what I wanted on the menu for breakfast. I think I ordered everything and maybe a double portion. The hunger pains were forgotten as I drooled at the thought of my breakfast coming the next day.  I woke with a tray of cold hospital food, but the nurse warmed it up in a microwave.

My first bite of food was a sliver of bacon.  My nurse broke off a small sliver of bacon and placed it in my mouth. Since I had not eaten any solid foods in a month, this first taste of food was an explosion of flavor that I will never forget.  I still love bacon to this day.  I was torn between savoring this flavor or swallowing the bacon to ease the feeling in my stomach.  The nurse brought a fork towards my mouth.  My second bite was scramble egg.  With the salt and pepper these normally dull hospital eggs tasted like gourmet breakfast food.  However after my second bite of each, I was completely stuffed.

Who would have thought?  After a 5-week hospital stay where I was stabilized, breathing independently and eating solid foods, I was moved to a rehabilitation hospital.

I stayed a time at a rehabilitation hospital.  The stay was to help me learn to adapt to my newly gained disability, physically, emotionally and socially.   Some of the goals were to learn how to use a wheelchair, dress self and to feed myself.  All were some steep goals considering I was completely paralyzed coming into hospital.  

A couple months into the stay I was not gaining strength or much endurance and my days to remain in rehab were coming to an end. The goal for me to learn to feed myself became a main priority. Until this time I was dependant of having to physically be fed by family friends and nursing staff.  I still looked forward to eating. but still was dependant on being fed by others.  All my meals were fed to me except snack time.   Sack time was a social time in the floor lobby where the patients could mingle while enjoying a snack before bed.

 Patients had snack time at 7pm and I looked forward to snacking on my small bag of cheese popcorn.  With great effort I could wedge a piece of popcorn between my fingers and with all my might I could raise the morsel of popcorn to my face, however due to my lack of accuracy, the morsel was way off and missed my mouth.   I was lucky if 3 pieces from the whole bag would make my mouth.  The majority lay on the floor around the wheelchair.  This happened almost every night for a month.  How can anyone continue to do the same task just to watch all your efforts fall to your feet?

After a month of little success the 3 pieces of popcorn became 6, then 12.  Soon I could eat ½ a big of cheese popcorn. 

A piece of popcorn was a small thing but the effort was so big.   You may have a challenge in your life that feels so big.    You may watch your efforts fall at every turn.  You might miss your mark and you may become discouraged.   Have faith, don’t sweat those small things and let don’t discouragement ruin your determination.  Keep your eyes focused on your goal and don’t worry about the pieces that fall.

I’ll admit to this day you can tell where I sat at the movie theater, as there is a pile of popcorn on the floor, but I left there full and I fed myself.  So if you see that popcorn pile, maybe just maybe, I was there….

May you be inspired, uplifted and spiritual refreshed …… Please share if this has touched you or you feel led to inspire others….

Some of   you may know I have been involved in motivational presentations for the last 25 years. I have presented at schools, churches, businesses and organizations. Becoming disabled from a car accident and living with a challenging disability I have learned many life lessons.  This weekend I refocused on those lessons I have learned and now I share with you.  Hopefully the lessons I have learned will be a guide for others or at least become a better understanding of me.

Consider how your choices will affect you.

Realize your choices don’t just affect you, but everyone around you.

Take responsibility for your choices.

To do no harm to self or others.

To protect self and others.

To expect less and appreciate more.

To be patient and not react but respond kindly.

To forgive, because it is a heavy burden to hold a grudge.

Speak  the truth but always in kindness.

Be faithful, in words, action and relationships.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Encourage others, say positive words, and look for best in people.

Make a difference, not just a good impression, but a good impact.

Most of all to be a positive light unto others.

Everyone has value in this world, not only for who you are today but also for who you will become tomorrow.  For every life you touch now and for all the lives you will touch the rest of your lives.

Whatever your struggle or challenge is today, may you be uplifted, refreshed and inspired…..

Stairwell

The stairwell of life has a beginning and an end. Between is full of many steps and every person’s stairwell is a different length, style and shape.  Some are an easy climb while others are steep.  Stairs are the many people and experiences that come in your life.  These stairs provide a solid footing, that by spending time with them, they better you. They spend a moment of your life boost you up and often travel up to next step with you. Each step comes in different sizes, shapes and stability. Our first steps are our parents. These are the big steps that carry us when our own little feet can barely walk.  Our next steps are our siblings and friends.  Classmates and co-workers make up the next set. Each set of steps helps us grow to who we are today and what we will become. Now every step isn’t a good solid one. On our upward climb we will encounter a few steps that are warped, knotted or rotten. These steps you have to step back or move quickly forward as these will cause you to stumble or eventually fall. Even with these bad stairs you can grow from if you allow. So every stair good or bad has the potential to raise you to the next level. The stairwell of life will bring you joy and tears, success and failure. When you get to the end oh the stories you will be able to tell.

Now if stairs are people, well then you too are a stair.  You are a stair for someone else, perhaps many people. As a stair you have the responsibility to make a difference.  You can chose to be a positive step or you can chose to be a weak, warped or faltering stair. With this responsibility you endure the consequences of your actions of being a stair and those consequences can be positive or negative on your own climb.  So let us become good solid stairs, full of integrity, trustworthiness, honesty, confidence and understanding.  Chose to be that stair to lift others up, to help others grow and to be a positive influence. Remember this also those stairs that you help build might just become your stair. 

Now I have shared with you the truth of the stairwell of life, but I have one more point to add.  Your stairwell is made up of many stairs and you’re only on that stair for a short time. Friends come and go, family moves on and so do we. The one thing that remains the same throughout the stairway is the railing. Whether we chose to lean on the railing or not, it remains at our side each step of the way. This railing is God who goes from bottom to top, beginning to end. The railing stays with you your entire life and when the stairs are unstable, God is there and all you need to do is reach out. Grab a firm hold of the railing in good times or bad so that your steps will be stable and firm every step of the way.

I want to thank all who have been my stairs in the past, now and those yet to be, and God who has been my railing through my stairwell of life.

May you be inspired, uplifted and spiritually refreshed …… Please share if this has touched you or you feel led to inspire others….

The Van

I am a quadriplegic post injury 25 years with a passion for 
classic cars and drag racing.  After becoming injured from an automobile accident at nineteen years old, paralyzed from the neck down, I was told by doctors a list of all the things I would not be able to do again. When I was told driving was on that list, my heart sunk.  I would have to be dependant on others to transport me around in some bulky hunk of metal with wheels. The things that identified me as a person 
were stripped from me, including dancing, sailing and cars.  As I learned 
to redefine myself as a person I could not, nor would not leave the 
auto enthusiast part out of my life. I thought to myself if I'm going to be stuck being escorted around in a 
wheelchair van, its going to be the coolest van around. This thought became the beginning of a dream.

Before my injury I was always tinkering on a 60’s and 70’s cars trying to get more power then came from the factory. Even as a child I daydreamed about vehicle projects when I should have been listening in that History class. The passion was rooted deep within my childhood.  When I became wheelchair bound from an auto accident I had to find some form of transportation that would both suit my needs and my passion.

It was at this point I bought my first van.  While returning home from a physical 
therapy appointment in early 1991 my attention was drawn to the almost used up older 1979 Chevy van that was sitting alongside the road in a used car lot.  The old 
van was not pretty, but it was a gem in my eyes. 
I have always had the mindset to see the potential beauty in something if given a little care and attention. 
Many of you car guys can relate to this.

With the help of family, friends and a couple supportive companies my 
vision of combining a van, racing, and accessibility started coming 
together. After buying the van and tearing out the worn shag carpet, paneled walls and ripped up seats, a quick paint job, new high performance engine and custom seating soon followed my purchase. What made this vehicle accessible to me was how the 
passenger seat could rotate to a position that with help I could 
transfer out of my wheelchair with help and into the front seat. As the van grew to its new life, so did I.  In the early 90’s we drove the van all over the place and the whole family could ride together. I was in my early twenties a point in life when you could forget your troubles cruising to loud music. It was really a perfect fit for my situation.  I was able to interact with the same groups as I did prior to my injury and the uniqueness of the van became an icebreaker for conversations with people who were at first uncomfortable talking with a person with a disability.  The van became a tool for helping me cope with my life as well as break some communication barriers.  As I matured both mentally and physically the van did too.

The van went through 
few different stages before it came to be as it is now. None of these changes came easy, but rather through a combination of several failures. Changes included few engine changes, roll cage, traction adders, and some big meaty tires and of course a flashy paint job with shiny wheels.  A 20-year 
process took what started out as a hot rod van that could be driven daily to a full-blown racecar. The goal was to race van in a nostalgia drag racing 10-second index class. Powered by an injected, supercharged, big block Chevy,  it  became a 4500 lbs. monster of a hotrod able to pound the ¼ mile in less than 10 seconds over 137mph and fueled by E85. The van has been to several race 
tracks, car shows and events in several states. Usually wherever 
the van makes an appearance the spectators are in awe of what it has 
become. People see the van performing way beyond its original design, and really inspires people.  Now the van has its own fans, many being children. I often share this story with the kids so they see that they too can fulfill their dreams. 
I never got to actually drive the van, but got to experience its build, its many changes through its life and watching the impact it has on others.

On a side note, I mentioned earlier, Doctors told me I would never drive again. This was a great let down. After many years of therapy and determination, I tried to test my skills behind the wheel of an accessible van with hand controls. Fourteen years later, I actually defied what Doctors told me.  I was 
able to drive and successfully received my driver’s license.  A company built a mini-van around my disability and outfitted van with specialized hand controls. The specialized van a 2004 Venture was delivered to my house and I was filled with excitement and fear. To drive a vehicle independently and by myself was a dream that lay before me. As I got into the van I was shaking nervously as I planned my first destination.  As I left the driveway nervous as all get out I’m running through my mind what I planned to do, drive to the local drag strip and race down the ¼ mile 14 years after I lost the ability to drive. So that’s exactly what I did, surprising many of my friends, not only driving but actually racing.

So whatever your situation is realize you too can still live your dreams, you can still participate in life. You might have to adapt or revamp your dreams but never give up. When obstacles come your way, realize there are other ways to accomplish your dreams. You just have to find them.