its kinda hard for me being the person that i am. i have no end or beginning it seems. as me thoughts race through my mind it feels like a huricane ripping through a town. distroying everything that was once beautiful and good. why do i do this? the thoughts of pain, blood, hurt. and yet in its smallest messure the feeling of kindnees and hope for my family. but what i don't understand is why the pain and the rest of the bad feelings are the ones that are the strongest. why can't i feel the love and security that i once had for everything else like i used to? i'm head stays heavy with these thoughts and feelings. i think that the strongest one of all would have to be sorrow. the feeling that i'm loosing my wife with her drug habit. though she has done great with her meds and all. its that feeling that the other boot is going to drop soon. and i can't help but wait for it to happen. but not in the good way though. i feel drained the more i type this out.
