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Well things are going ok i guess not to sure what else to really say. I got a great man in my life who knows that i love him and he says he loves me to but it seems that the last couple of days he has been very distant from me and i am not sure if its cause of things going on or what. He knows i am here for him and got his back no matter what but at the same time he should know he can talk to me about anything. But dealing with sick twins as well isnt so good. Being up and down all nite with them and there fevers and snottt noses and trying to get them better has me not happy cause i am so tired and want to sleep lol. But other than that things are going good we got our place and the kids so what else can i ask for, just wanted to jot down some of my thoughts.
Here goes another one. It seems that i am more confused than ever now. Why is it when you have such deep feelings for someone you are so scared to let them know. Me i can answer that one for myself. Being in realtionships where i have been hurt so much i have a tendency to just keep it bottled up now and not say anything scared of the reaction i will get and possibly make them run the opposite direction. And that is how i am feeling about someone now. He means the world to me and i want to say something so bad to him but beings we have both been severly burnt in our pasts its making me want to stay bottled up. And also he has me bothered on some other things. But thats not for me to blog its just for me to deal with. But me being confused is not a good thing cause i start to think all the wrong things and that is not good. This person has been my rock and my back bone thrue so much in the last few months and he is someone i am so glad to have in my life. And someone i wont ever want to lose. I guess i can just say it here in my blog not knowing if he is gonna read it or not but not sure yet. Ill blog more later.
I am not to sure on how to start this blog. Its about someone special in my life at this point in time. Some of my freinds will know who it is about and some will not. But if this person reads this blog they will know its about them. There is someone special in my life who has been there for me when times were so hard for me. When i was thinking all else failed he was there. Me and him have had alot of deep talks about life and things we wanted out of it. We have both been so hurt with realtionships and have been used in them as well. But at the point in my life where i was ready to give up and just say fuck it. He popped up.And out of the blue just started talking to me and understood wat i was feeling but at the same time we were kinda leary on things. But then when he got to know me and i got to know him i seen that he was somewhat a male version of me and its scary. Cause that is what i have been searching for all my life was someone like me. And the last few months he has started to mean more and more to me and its scary cause i am starting to get feelings for him that i should not be getting and its so scary. We talk as much as we can and when we do it seems apparent to me that he is really the one for me. He knows that i care about him but does he really know the deep true feelings that i feel for him. No he doesnt cause of our track history we dont seem to get people in our lives that care for us. But only time will tell.
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