HUGGIEFUX's blog: "Just Rambling Thoughts"

A Path of Insight A really terrific person recently gave me some excellent advice. I will pass it along for those who may be seeking. "Remember this my dear. men were only given enough blood for either the brain or the penis but not enough for both at the same time... Rather than move the blood back and forth from brain to penis they just keep the blood supply in the penis... Therefore they think only with the penis..."

Grey Fingers These moments of grey darkness lay upon me just as surely as blackness covers the earth at night. I know in my heart that darkness is only here for a short time so I am not afraid. When this darkness befalls my tiny world I embrace the rims of my sanity. Slowly the grey fingers blanket my mind. I can hear the sounds always beckoning me to come away. I dare not venture far into their shadows. Coldness drapes her veil across my body as gently as a satin wedding gown never to be worn. Softly the motion ripples across my soul and the flicker of my flame diminishes. Words echo throughout the chambers of my mind. Winged dragons sing their ancient dying song. Tenuous words hanging weakly in the air. Comfort wraps its failing arms around my shoulders oh so naked and bare. If I be gone today who will stand with pride to collect all of my tomorrows...

My Warrior I lay silently on this empty bed Stare endlessly into a dark abyss Fearful to make a slight movement Shadows take no notice of surroundings Reminiscent dead memories into the past I wake with numb frozen little motivation Endless efforts try to raise this broken body Removed of a warrior’s courageous confidence Battered down into the deepest black pits Where evil emerges thru mournful depression Darkness hungers for this my dying flesh The shadows consume me bit by tiny bit Each ravenous swallow devours my rotting soul Unbearable shrieks haunt my living moments Frail struggle succumbs to overwhelmed shadows Dark night ebbs as soon day begins to peak Ominous clouds gather in the twilight skies A warmth fills this lost soul of brute agony My nightmare never ends with no memory Shame glistens down my eyes before the end I lay silently among these sheets of white fallen snow

There are Many Reasons "…There is no true love short of possession, and no true possession short of eating…Every lover is a beast of Raven…every Romeo would be a cannibal if he dared" ~ Cervantes, Don Quixot ~ There are many reasons that I belong to Him. Narrowing it down has been my challenge, and--as is my character—I have over-thought the topic to the point that the essential reasons have become the flotsam of mental wanderings. It occurs to me that the beauty of the relationship lies in its simplicity, and that my explanation need not be intricate, but must ring true. I am in hopes that He will read what follows in that spirit. I belong to Him because, for the first time in my life, I realize that it is permissible to be dependent on someone to care for me. Over this lifetime in particular, I have created a life for myself that relied upon no other. I have picked up the remains of a life nearly destroyed, and put it back together. What resulted was a jaded woman, unwilling to rely on someone else...Until I met Him. Now, I have been given the gift of knowing where I belong and that vulnerability although somewhat frightening is also wondrous. He has shown me the way through the fright of loving, slowly, patiently. He has been unwavering in His care for me. In short, my heart -- and all of the love that has been hidden within -- is safe with Him. I belong to Him because of His honesty. In coming to know Him and due to my tenuous wary nature, I have posed very tough questions to Him. Many times, a typical man would have balked at answering truthfully in the knowledge that the answer would sting an already tender heart. In each case, I was honored by the veracity in His answers. Because of His unwillingness to run from the tough questions, I feel safe in the comfort of knowing that He will be straightforward and forthright. He also leads me by example in this respect. I have no need to be dishonest with Him because He is accepting of both my alluring qualities and my unattractive qualities. He loves me in spite of them...Maybe even partly because of them. He softly explains to me that to love someone is to hold them close to the heart and not dwell on the flaws of this love. I belong to Him because He believes in me. In my quest to be pleasing to Him, He has been unwavering in his expectations. I know I have disappointed Him on a few occasions. Even in the face of His disappointment, He smiles and laughs are my immature trespasses. He has been firmly resolved that I will learn to use better judgment with his guidance. He is steadfast that I am all He wants despite my long list of shortcomings. He has opened my mind to the possibilities of what our relationship can become. He has made me believe in a future that is entwined with the elements of an adventurous lifestyle, as well as the best aspects of a "vanilla" life. I trust Him --- without hesitation and with no reservation, to make our lives extraordinary. I belong to Him because He is all I have ever wanted. A man who makes solid decisions; a man who can make me laugh one moment, and tremble with desire the next; a man who taps into my creativity, pushes my boundaries, and constantly seduces me to join Him in our own becoming; a man who loves me back with a ferocity that is unquenchable and boundless. I belong to Him because I love Him. Such a simple thing to say, and yet these words evoke all of the emotions, spirituality, lust, desire, wanting, and comfort that have given poets fodder for their writings for centuries. I belong to Him because I have finally found where I truly belong.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – my real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, some challenge to be gotten through first; some unfinished business; time that still to be served as if it were a prison sentence; a debt to society that was still owed to who knows who. Then my life would begin. Finally it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This was how I chose to experience my life. Sitting and waiting but not really sure what I was waiting around to experience. Some believe that the Christian God has absolutely everything planned in advance; that He has scripted our every joy and injury to serve some divine plan of the ages. All we can do is yield to this Divine Plan. Resistance is futile, or if we try it, it is part of the script too. Such a view makes freedom of will an illusion. It also eliminates personal responsibility: that genocidal slaughter was fated by the Deity, so why blame the murderers? The real Perpetrator would be God. No, such a view defames and dishonors the Creator, yet many religions teach variations of it. They do not really know God. So who do you listen to? Does anyone have the Truth? No degree of philosophy or doctorate in theology is needed to understand the Bible. Sophisticated philosophies actually obscure rather than reveal the Truth. The Bible assures us "if you search for understanding as for hidden treasure, you will find the very knowledge you seek" "Preach the Word... correct, reprove, and encourage, with great patience and careful instruction." Nowhere does it say that I have to create great obstacles in order to live my life. I am talking about Free Will. It’s there for the taking. We can have choices in life in both what we will experience and how we will experience it.