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Redneck Rin RLE2 wound2tight's blog: "JUST ME"

created on 09/14/2006  |  http://fubar.com/just-me/b479

Rules of the South

1. Pull your saggy pants up. You look like an idiot. if not we got duct tape and help you keep them up 2. Turn your cap around right, your head ain't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are called cows & hogs. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-75 goes north, I-10 goes west. Pick one. if y'all get lost we will point you in the right direction. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton pickers that are driven only 4 weeks a year. 6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. its called respect get use to it. 11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Real chili never met a tomato! 13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang sure more fun to watch. 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays. 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. 18. We say ya'll,get used to it. 19. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA!! 20. Don't you get it? The south rocks! 4215307885.jpg
***GENERAL BEHAVIOR*** 1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. It's considered poor taste to take a Budweiser cooler to church even if the NASCAR races do start at noon. 3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets (preferably clean sheets - if not shake the old ones out the window and leave hanging for a day or two to air out). 4. Even if you're certain you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. ***DINING OUT *** 1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. ***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME *** 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are unless you know the person a day or two. ***PERSONAL HYGIENE *** 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several weeks. However, if you live alone... Deodorant is a waste of beer money. ***DATING (Outside the Family)*** 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the guy's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad." ***WEDDINGS*** 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift unless itis a small animal and you can gut and serve it in a timely manner. 2. Kissing and/or fondling the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean Home Depot shirt can create too sporty an appearance unless you plan to gut and prepare an animal for the ceremony. Sometimes you can find something which you can "dunk and dry" in the nearest body of water is appropriate in that case. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks, shoes and clean underwear for this special occasion. ***DRIVING ETIQUETTE *** 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, with the window down, especially when driving - unless there are no passengers in the back seat. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. ***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER*** 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records. 3. Impossible to match buckshot to a shotgun! ***Note*** Same rules apply to *Illegal Aliens*=

Mothers

If you send this to just one person, it should make it all the way around the world by Mother's Day. This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it. This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens. This is for all the m others who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time." This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college. This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes totally unappreciated! For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green. For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely. This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war. What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, a ll at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying? The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray. Please pass along to all the Moms in your life. "Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall." Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Mothers

If you send this to just one person, it should make it all the way around the world by Mother's Day. This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it. This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens. This is for all the m others who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time." This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college. This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes totally unappreciated! For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green. For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely. This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war. What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, a ll at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying? The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray. Please pass along to all the Moms in your life. "Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall." Please pass this to a wonderful mother you know. (I just did.) Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
I JUST RECIEVED A LETTER FROM A FRIEND THAT WAS VERY INTERESTING, SO I WANTED OT SHARE IT WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ON HERE. IT'S ABOUT A BOY WHO HAS ONE LAST WISH, HE LIVES HERE IN KENTUCKY WHERE I LIVE AND I THINK IF WE ALL PULL TOGETHER WE COULD HELP MAKE HIS WISH COME TRUE. I'M GONNA WRITE THE LETTER TO YOU GUYS THE WAY I RECIEVED IT.... AT A TAYLOR COUNTY REGIONAL HOSPITAL THERE IS AN 8 YEAR OLD BOY FROM STANFORD, KENTUCKY WHO HAS TERMINAL LEUKEMIA. HIS NAME IS JOSH ADKINS AND HE HAS ONE LAST WISH. AND I THINK WITH YOUR COOPERATION, WE CAN FULFILL IT FOR HIM! HE HAS MADE A WISH TO HAVE HIS NAME WRITTEN IN THE GUISNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS. WHAT DOES HE WANT HIS NAME TO BE LISTED UNDER??? HE WANTS TO BE KNOWN AS THE BOY WHO RECIEVED THE MOST "GET-WELL" CARDS. HE HAS GIVEN HIS NAME AND ADDRESS TO ANYONE WHO WILL SEND HIM A GET-WELL CARD. PLEASE HELP THIS LITTLE BOY GET HIS WISH. SEND HIM A GET-WELL CARD AND SPREAD THE WORD! YOU ALONE CAN MAKE ONE LITTLE BOYS DAY. BELOW IS HIS NAME AND ADDRESS, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP FULFILL HIS WISH.. JOSH ADKINS 124 EDGEWOOD STANFORD,KY 40484 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP MAKE A CHILD'S WISH COME TRUE!!!!!
Courtesy of SparkleTags.com
Courtesy of SparkleTags.com
The reason for this primary is this... my friend NY Yank and his wife lost their their unborn twins. If I have to ask you to repost this.. well wow.. that's just wrong. This is the link to his blog below vv http://www.cherrytap.com/blog/76853/324332 This is the link to his profile. NY Yank
tn_841178110.jpg

@ CherryTAP

PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND

HEY, I'M ASKING ANYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG TO PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND GO VOTE FOR MY FRIENDS PICS, JUST CLICK THE PIC BELOW AND IT'LL TAKE YOU TO THE CONTEST. WE'D APPRECIATE ANY HELP POSSIBLE EVERY VOTE AND RATE HELPS. image.php?u=437162&i=3599713225&tn=1 THANK YOU AND MUCH LOVE TO ALL WHO CAN HELP REDNECK RIN AND DR. LOVE

Dating vs. Marriage

When you are dating.....Farting is never an issue When you are married....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband...at all times. When you are dating.....He takes you out to have a good time When you are married....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?" When you are dating.....He holds your hand in public When you are married....He flicks your ear in public When you are dating.....A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad When you are married....A King size bed feels like an army cot When you are dating.....You are turned on at the sight of him naked When you are married....You think to yourself...."Was he ALWAYS this hairy????" When you are dating....You enjoyed foreplay When you are married...You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???" When you are dating.....He hugs you, when he walks by you... for no reason When you are married....He grabs your boob any chance he gets When you are dating.....You picture the two of you together, growing old together When you are married....You wonder who will die first When you are dating.....Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy" When you are married....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out. When you are dating.....He knows what the "hamper" is When you are married....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area When you are dating.....He understands if you "aren't in the mood" When you are married....He says "It's your job." When you are dating.....He understands that you have "male" friends When you are married....He thinks they are all out to steal you away When you are dating.....He likes to "discuss" things When you are married....He develops a "blank" stare When you are dating.....He calls you by name When you are married....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She.

Abortion

Month one MOMMY I am only 4 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me! Month Seven Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. Two more arms that will never hug. One more mouth that will never speak. If you're against abortion, post this as... I dont care how many friends i lose over this

Am I A Real Fireman Yet?

n Queensland, Australia, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukaemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfil all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible. The leukaemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dream to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Ben, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?" "Mummy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mum smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true." Later that day she went to her local fire Station in Brisbane, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Queensland. She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the full Monty! And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy -one with the emblem of the Queensland Fire & Rescue Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Brisbane, so we can get them fast." Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Ben, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting truck. Ben got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Brisbane that day and Ben got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines that day. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the Love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Ben, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible. One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Ben had spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Station and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Ben as he made his transition. The Officer in charge replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favour? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system, that there is not a fire? It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room? About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Ben's third floor open window-------- 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Ben's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him. With his dying breath, Ben looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Ben, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the O.I.C said. With those words, Ben smiled and said , "I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.." He closed his eyes one last time. My instructions were to send this to at least four people that I wanted the Gods to bless and I picked you. This story is powerful and there is nothing attached, PLEASE do not break this pattern; Uplifting stories are one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost, but a lot of rewards, let's continue to uplift one another!!! I SAW THIS IN A BULLETIN AND IT WAS SO AWESOME I HAD TO SHARE IT IN A BLOG, WITH EVERYONE.
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