Fetish vs. Kink
By Midori
Ever notice that anything to do with adventurous sex and alternative sexuality gets all lumped together? Fetish, SM, Kink and Leather --- they’re all bundled together as if the people, action and words were totally interchangeable. We expect this sort of simple assumptions from media and Joe-Public. But this phenomenon also happens among those of us in these very subcultures that enjoy these sex styles. You’d think, of all people, we would know better. Many of us use words, phrases and cultural references interchangeably, without consideration for the actual distinctions between them.
Because all this is about sex, historically we haven’t talked about the distinctions of words, actions and communities except to pathologize the behavior. So we lack nuanced words and finesse of expression to shed light upon our pleasures. A lot of problems arise when you don’t know how these terms and actions differ. If I met you at a bar and we both agreed we liked kinky sex, went home to play and discovered that you meant sadomasochistic sex with a whip while I meant fetish worship of shoes during sex - - well, neither of us are going to have a good time. Let’s say that a person from the Leather community met a fetishist who enjoys leather, they get together and decide to play together. When the leather fetishist discovers that the Leather community person doesn’t necessarily fetishize the material of leather - - and when the Leather community person discovers that the fetishist doesn’t enjoy the same formal protocols - - they’re both going to be disappointed. They may even judge the other to be inferior in their passion compared to their own passion. It’s bad enough that the general public and media bundles us all up together in blissful ignorance and self-righteousness. It’s really tragic when individual or groups of sexual minorities don’t bother to understand the language, customs and vernacular of other sexual minorities.
So what’s the difference? Let me share with you some of the distinctions to get you started.
Leather Community: The “Leather Community” generally refers to an informal social network, mostly concentrated in North America, arising in the mid-twentieth century. It consists generally of gay and lesbians who enjoy sadomasochistic sex and put value on organization and hierarchy in their personal social relationship. You’ll find writings by Dr. Gayle Rubin, Joseph Bean and Jack Rinella helpful for this. Also check out the books Urban Aboriginals and Leatherfolk. Curiously a person may identify that they are a “Leatherman” or a “Leatherwoman” but may or may not have a fetish for leather. They may not even be into heavy SM but feel that they are part of a community. So the term really focuses on one’s social affiliation, rather than a focus on a particular sexual practice.
Kink: Kink is a really general term covering all sorts of “unusual sex.” According to Dr. Robert Bienvenu, a sociologist who studies sexual minorities, “kink” is a term indigenous to those who practice it. It’s not a word that doctors created to indicate a disorder. Anyone can be kinky or identify as kinky, regardless of age, gender, orientation or social affiliation. There are plenty of people who are kinky who don’t belong to some kinky social network.
Sadomasochism: Sm, or sadomasochism, generally refers to those who like to play with intense sensation. When the terms “SM community” or “BDSM community” is used, it often refers to an informal social network of those who enjoy kinky sex. The term is used over a large population base, including more pansexual and heterosexual kink practitioners. The use of “BDSM” became more popular with the Internet. Those who identify as part of the SM or BDSM community don’t always share the values and rituals of the Leather community.
Fetish: “Fetish” and the “Fetishists” are another different category. The loose social network of fetishists seemed to have started earlier than the Leather community and tends to be more heterosexual. Dr. Bienvenue has written extensively on the 20th century Fetish communities. Individual fetishists, however, exist among all sorts of people. Many consider themselves in varying ways to be kinky, or feel they belong to the Leather community, or identify with the BDSM community. Some feel no affinity with any groups. I know a bit about the fetishists, as I am one. But I’m also kinky with affiliations with the BDSM, Leather and Fetish communities.
So what is a Fetishist?
The dark seductive smell of leather sends rushes of adrenaline into my chest. I am aroused. In the tight shiny second skin of latex, my curves slide through the world, a flesh-made high performance super racer. I feel sleek and sexy. Snug leather gloves encasing my delicate hands drop me into narcissistic swoon with each tightness-amplifies pulse. I am turned on. The bold architecture of stiletto heels mesmerizes me, whether I stand atop six inch pedestals or gaze upon them, covetously, in a couture shop. My libido flares. The raw smell of industry, progress and war permeates my nostrils in the black gas mask of thick rubber. I dream of recreating the self into machine flesh of sex and death. I am excited. Encased in animal sensuality and inhaling musky, primal scent of fur, I wallow and purr, like a saber-toothed cub in a prehistoric mother cat’s den, feeling carnivorous power just beneath my thin skin of humanity, I am wet. In short, I am a fetishist.
