Recently, I became aware of the fact that, no matter what the circumstances, I can find joy and peace in my environment. Whenever I am somewhere, I cannot imagine enjoying anything but what I am up to. And yet, I move on. I am either fighting my own nomadic nature, or it is what stirs me forward and onward when I know I can be happy where I am. Something meaningful in this...
I need to feel my writing more. I need to write more, in general. If I cannot understand what I am doing, then what is the point in doing it? This mindset has carried me onward for years, and I attempt to make myself as transparent as possible. Who needs misunderstanding and secrets, when clarity is so much easier to maintain? Many people apparently, even myself. I do not know if I present my true self to any; the only ones who can claim to know me are those who have dealt with me for years, and even then their opinions are colored by what they observe, and not by what truths they ignore (or might not notice). So what, then? Are there any capable of understanding, as none dare to show their real selves? Or are they hidden in plain sight, obscured by standing amongst those who decieve? Where are they, and why can I not be among them?
I find it amusing that, despite what any may know about me, there is no way to find out how truthful I have been. I am myself hiding behind a stream of consciousness, even through these words. One of my friends told me that I would tell someone anything about me. This is both true and false. I keep my cards close, and show each person a different card. If any of you were able to percieve through my own senses, then you might know. Otherwise, everyone seems content to be fooled into thinking that they see the true me, instead of the me I choose to show. Or perhaps I am deluding myself. Perhaps I really am as attentioned starved and needy as I make myself out to be. Or maybe I intend to give that impression. Who knows? Consider the you,that YOU may be hiding from yourself. Notice the things that do not quite add up. They may seem to at first, but there is something deeper at work, something beyond words or reason.
In a related note...is there ever an end to our actions, or the madness they bring? We have and do things which shake our foundations of thought, and are never solved. In fact, it seems we never actually recover from any of our mental trauma, really. We only learn to adjust to it and move on. Heh!
GOT THIS FROM A FRIENDS BLOG...MY ADVICE IS TO JUST BE YOURSELVE..BE HAPPY AND ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST..AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE PERSON YOU ARE "SCREW'EM"
