Mizyvetteyvonne's blog: "::Just a little humor::"

9 Dangerous Words Women Use 1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine. 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of Nothing.) 6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! 9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to 3. If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; Like walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ...uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dream Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the stupid library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter ..with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and screwed it all up! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids". Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-terds! And we didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Regards, The over 30 Crowd See what 50 years will do... Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his, to show Jack. 2006 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1956 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class. 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping. 1956 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has affair with psychologist. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school. 1956 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1956 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state Democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1956 - Ants die. 2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him. 1956 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.