Crochet Queen's blog: "jokes"

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "What! An Engineer! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!" So, he goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. But he soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, even air conditioning, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away! Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue your shiny red pants off!" "Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!?"

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine. One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . ... 'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!' Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive...

Underwear Dust One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it Would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a Comment go un-rewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud Appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the Bathroom, 'why did you put talcu m p owder in my underwear?' She replied ...'It's not talcu m p owder......It's 'Miracle Grow'.