t0rtur3m3s0sw33tly's blog: "It Is What It Is..."

It seemed like I had so much time before I had to do this. But like eveything beore I knew it, it was here. Gettign my teeth ripped out tomorrow. I only get local anestetic. All of them, eh.

I just hope the pain meds are rockin.

Got me my phone! Wooo! Moving up in the world.

My bestest friend and I are about to reeck havoc on the outside world today.

it's so fucking pretty outside.

So we're going to take me niece to the park.

Then take her to her dad's.

Then go back and and do some crazy shit.

Why you ask?

Because we can...

*But let me get, to the point. Let's roll another joint. Turn the radio loud. I'm too alone to be proud. You don't know how it feels, to be me...*

Mmmk, that song has been stuck in my head for 3 days straight, that's right, three days.

Everytime I try to think of a song, here that song comes. And I start singing like some mildly retarded kid.

But it's all good.

I'm feeling super awesome right now.

Today is going to be slightly eventful. If I can just get my Mother out the door.

Procrastination is not your friend.

A week from now I get my wisdom teeth pulled.

So the rest of this week better be good.

And so far, looks pretty alright...   :) 

Indeed...

Getting my phone tomorrow. La de da. No more minute phone bullshit.

I feel like an amazing person today.

I have been helping so many people lately.

And being thanked because you made some one's day that much easier.

Is an overwhelmingly happy feeling.

When they say, "Trisha I need you, I've had the most fucked up day."

And I talk to them, give them my advice.

Then at the end of the conversation, they say," I feel so much better, thank you."

Because I tell them like it is, I tell them things even if they don't want to hear them.

It's like I'm the only person who does that in their lives.

I even call them out on their faults.

And then they can take it in, reflect on it. And self heal.

All I know is at the end of the day...

.. I helped bring someone's smile back.

Yes, life. I love you and all your twists, turns, how nothing stays the same.
My life has shown me what I am worth. Fuck what you think about me, I'm talking about myself.
And to myself. I'm worth a lot.
I don't have to prove anything to you, I know what I'm going to be. I know who I am.
I know one of these days, if I keep trying as hard as I have been. I'll get a job.
Then I'll be able to go back to school.
I can do what ever I want, I just have to try my hardest and be patient.

Don't know what today has for me.
I'm watching the little man for a while, I got him tonight too. I love being around him, I love him.
He is the most amazing child.
Fuck the father if he didn't want to be around. Danny's got a great Mother.
And we have him.
I will help and be there for him every step of the way too, best believe.

So the highlight of my day.
Singing to him while he falls asleep in my arms. <3

♥

Once a friend. Some one I wasn't so sure about at first.
Then I let you in.
You got under my skin. So many things that you did, bothered the fuck out of me.
But I liked being around you.
Because my friend, when you were good, you were great.
When you were bad, it was bad.
For a while it seemed that the good beat the bad. Oh, was I wrong.
For everything that I pushed to the side for you. Added another thing that bothered you about me.
I don't know what you wanted me to be, but I'll be damned if I apologize for the way I am.
I'm not sorry.
For anything.
Not what I said, or the things I did.
Not for the things I told you that you were doing wrong.
I was blunt and honest, completely. I'm not going to sugar coat things to not hurt your feelings, for a moment I gave a shit about the things I said, I usually don't, but I guess I was being too nice.
No matter how much I shifted for you, you refused to budge for me.
You wouldn't settle for it is the way it is, but for me, it was that.
Not fair in the slightest.
So now I stand here with nothing to show for the time that was spent with you. Short time yes, but time I won't get back.
Time I spent trying to please you, trying to get you to see who I was and for you to fucking accept it.
No matter what you did I accepted you. That's fucked up.
But it's done and over with. I'm glad we got that out of the way.

Oh and, you're welcome.

Happy Easter everyone!

I haven't slept in my own bed in days.

It's either some where else or on the floor.

My back is killing me.

I'm confused and I hate myself for thinking too much.

Just so you know, I'm not the person you think I am.

There so much more to me, but those with closed minds, they don't see so clearly.

You know how I feel, couldn't of made it more obvious, couldn't make it more clear.

Open your eyes and see this before I'm completely gone, please?

On a better note, I'm about to spend some time with family. It's been so long since this many of us has been in a room together.

Too long..

<3