Some days it seems like it's finally going my way. Kids are listening ... bills are paid ... something good cooking for dinner ... the job isn't overly stressful. Others aren't quite like that. I'm not bitching, entirely.
I know that there are people out there who have it much, much worse than I could ever even fathom. I'm just used to things a certain way ... blame my parents ... I had a pretty freaking good upbringing and I guess maybe that spoiled me just a little. Not to the point of superficiality - I'm not talking about materialistic spoiling neccesarily ...
It's just that when I was growing up - I don't remember ever seeing my parents struggle with anything. My mom always had the house clean. My dad always made sure that he earned enough to keep us wearing the latest trends. My mom always had time to go to soccer, baseball, softball, swimming, dancing, etc, etc, etc, etc not just with ONE kid - but with ALL THREE. My dad always had a new project going on in our house to make it a nicer home for all of us. My mom always had a full meal on the table - mostly from scratch. My dad always made sure we had a kick ass family vacation each and every year. Private phone in my bedroom, stereo, tv, car at 17 ... and all of my friends basically had the same things ... all of our parents were still married ... we all had nice homes ... we had a pool (which was a great reason to have friends over all summer long).
We were "bad" at times, like all middle class kids, but never in trouble like getting arrested and shit like that - basically cutting school to hang out ... some underage drinking ... maybe a few "illegal substances" here and there ... premarital sex (hey ... it was the fucking 80's!!!!)
I know, I know ... what do I have to complain about ... that was a great childhood. It was ... no doubt ...
Here's the part that starts to sound like bitching ... my upbringing left me ill equipt for the real world. I had no real idea about how difficult life could be. As I get older (and older and older and older) I can see that maybe my view of everything was a little more peaches and cream than it actually was - but even the 100% honest look back is nowhere near as difficult as the reality I've come to know as life.
I don't blame my parents good intentions entirely - I've made bad decisions. I've done things that are not in line with the way my parents raised me. I've strayed a little from the boundaries they set more often than I should have. There's proof positive when you look at my brothers who did what was expected of them much more often than I did. They are both doing great. At least that's my perception.
Maybe I just have a skewed perception on life and everyone struggles and I'm just playing a "woe is me" card?!?!?! I dunno.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this ... not sure I want to know. Guess I'll get back to this when I'm in a different mind set and see how it looks.
