the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the mens restroom,,,,, please dont feel bad. it wasnt you entering the mens room that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him.hell, we do that all the time.its rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. sometimes i go to the washrom, start to pee and then just start spinning around just so i make sure sure i hit something. you see, something you ladies should understand by now is that mens penises have a mind of their own, a guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are taken, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg , and onto his shoe. im telling you those little buggers cant be trusted. after being married for 28 years my wife has me trained. im no longer allowed to pee like a man standing up. i am required to sit down and pee. she has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. otherwise, if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because i didnt put the seat down, she was going to kill me while i was sleeping. now another thing you guys dont like to talk about ,but because you and i have become such good friends and you think im a classy guy, i might as well be candid with you because it its a real problem and you ladies need to be understanding, its the dreeded "morning wood". most mornings us guys wake up with 2 things a tremendous desire to pee and a penis so hard you could cut a diamond with it. well no matter how hard you try you cant get that thing to bend, and if it dont bend you cant aim, well hell , if you cant aim you have no choice but to pissall over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat covers,, the friggin toilet seat wont stay up by itself. so that means we have to use one hand to hold up the seat and the other hand to try and control ourselves for that perfect aim. now sometimes, when your newly married,(and i know the guys in here will back me up on this one) you think you can get the seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. you jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. ok, so you start to pee. but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seats comes comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. so. us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy. its just not safe. i tried to explain this morning situation to my wife. i told her .... look, it wont bend. she said sit down like i told you to do all the rest of the times. ok i tried sitting down on the toilet with " morning wood". well it is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before i could manage it,, i had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. now even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowel. you piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of your legs onto that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. i have an effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat. this takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance and a split time precision but its the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. so you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. we are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyound our control. its not our fault, its just mother nature. now, if it was father nature... there wouldnt have been a problem!!!! reply from a reader i laughed so hard i hurt! i have a husband and two sons and all of this is true( from a womans point of view, that is)! maybe this is why hubby always takes his morning leak outside beside the garage. he even has my sons doing it! thanx for the laugh.
